Thoughts that control my sleep habits.
It had recently been said that the fact that i know the exact datea and time me and jil broke up relays that im still affected by it, which i cannot deny. the last week has decided to bring to me thought to break the peaceful lack of being my thinking self. i dont know why exactly, but this week people have been asking me about jil quite a bit. ive been asked a couple a times if i still liked her, asked if id go back out with her if i got the chance twice, and been asked why se broke up more times than i want to count. for once though, i havent been the one to initiate these convos. several of them have started like " so how are you and jil doing?" " we broke up 3 months ago." "oh". one of the converations that didnt start like that actually has given me a realization i was blind to because i didnt want to see it. I really did force jil to do things she didnt want to do. I mean come on david what the fuck did you think you were doing. and so i caused a problem. kinda the whole digging your own grave effect. and now im stuck. i tried going back into my shell of staying to myself, but its lonely in there. but when i go out among people i tend to be antisocial and so i make myself lonely. now that could be solved by being social, but im afraid that if i start talking to people people will find me annoying and wont like me, so i dont. My fear also prevents me from getting a girlfriend cause the ones im interested in im too afraid to lose as a friend if i ask and they say no and so things become akward. and so i complain here. goddamn i miss kisses.....( good ones, liz is a horrible kisser.) doont ask where that thought came from, its been bouncing around in my head for about a month and i finally decided to say it where im not talking to anyboy in particular so it does not sound like im trying to get someone to kiss me. im talkng too much again so ill leave now.