What the hell is going on?
I feel caught in a hurricane. I feel like ive created this and i control this hurricane, but i just cant remember how to stop it. It's one of the worst feelings in the world. I just cant remember. I think i just need to take some kind of break from my social life, and just focus on my responsibilities. Maybe stop smoking for a while, or cut back somewhat. My heart has been broken. Uninentionally, because he didnt even know how i felt about him. I just romanticized it so much that i allowed his indifference toward me get to me. It's soley my fault. It's like i indirectly hurt myself, im so lame. I think that it may be pms, that has some influence over it. I try to ignore that factor, because i think that its bullshit, but it really isnt. But for other women i think it's all in thier mind. They've been told all of thier lives that when you are pms-ing youre emotional and angry and blah blah blah. I bet if no one ever taught them about it that they wouldnt ever use it. Okay those last few sentences were convoluted, but it makes sense in my mind. I wonder why? Oh, i know, maybe because i didnt go to bed until five am. I just need to get some order in my life, i know it. Ive just been dilly dallying around. Talk is so cheap. I keep saying how im going to get it together, and it's so not happening. It will, im sick of this shit, and i feel that if i get some kind of order that it will stop the hurricane.