birthdayaftershock
You know, I've been in another wangsthole recently. Something that playing DOD2 is preventing from becoming a full blown wangstfest.
The wangst kinda stems from... I dunno, I guess. I feel horrifically old. Pathetic, I know. I can't hold a candle to most of the world; I'm not over 20 and I'm worrying about my future and all that shiz. Man, that's depressing. I guess... I'm worried. Because at the age I'm at people start expecting you to be less of an irresponsible teenager and more of a responsible man who will do his job and not fsck! around a lot for no reason in particular.
Maybe it comes from the fact that people always said I would grow out of cartoons and anime and videogames once I got older.
And I haven't. Heck, I love being an irresponsible teenager. I love wasting hours on some vapid violent videogame. I love my anime, my shoujo, my sentai, my giant robot action. When most guys my age would be drooling over their shiny new car or shit or Girlfriend of the Week, I still find no problems sitting down and showing the peeps at the arcade how to shoot the shit.
It *is* depressing. I see my parents. They're hardworking, responsible people. And they never seem to have any *fun*. I don't think I've ever actually seen them smile since my birthday on Monday. And that was a special occasion. Unless they get their kicks from a work fetish, which is of course entirely possible. They gave up on the DDR after they said they had work. Heck, look at them! They have *priorities* and stuff! My dad lives his FREE TIME according to a friggen schedule!
I don't ever, ever, EVER wanna grow up to be like my parents. My dad's an engineer. HK Government work, Ph.D in geology. My mom's a fairly successful teacher with a degree in music. They both work hard and come back tired ass. They're to an extent the modern-day parents that this world seems to have bred by the droves.
Heck, I wanna still be able to swing that light gun around like a pro when I'm fifty.
But the years are gonna have their final say. And I guess just one day I might look back and think "Dude, it happened." And by then I'll be 'responsible', working my ass off at least five days a week and not wanting to get up for saturday morning anime, spending money on bills and necessities like soft toilet paper bleach and antiseptic instead of blowing it on stupid games, hardware, and cold canned coffee.
You know, it's a mark of how much I've matured that I've actually started to worry about my future. That in itself is worrying. I never used to give a damn.
And now after all this maturity wangst I'm going to blow it all to phrippin phreck by doing the dumbest and most immature thing I can think of right now.
...I can't think of anything. HOW FAR HAVE I FALLEN
The wangst kinda stems from... I dunno, I guess. I feel horrifically old. Pathetic, I know. I can't hold a candle to most of the world; I'm not over 20 and I'm worrying about my future and all that shiz. Man, that's depressing. I guess... I'm worried. Because at the age I'm at people start expecting you to be less of an irresponsible teenager and more of a responsible man who will do his job and not fsck! around a lot for no reason in particular.
Maybe it comes from the fact that people always said I would grow out of cartoons and anime and videogames once I got older.
And I haven't. Heck, I love being an irresponsible teenager. I love wasting hours on some vapid violent videogame. I love my anime, my shoujo, my sentai, my giant robot action. When most guys my age would be drooling over their shiny new car or shit or Girlfriend of the Week, I still find no problems sitting down and showing the peeps at the arcade how to shoot the shit.
It *is* depressing. I see my parents. They're hardworking, responsible people. And they never seem to have any *fun*. I don't think I've ever actually seen them smile since my birthday on Monday. And that was a special occasion. Unless they get their kicks from a work fetish, which is of course entirely possible. They gave up on the DDR after they said they had work. Heck, look at them! They have *priorities* and stuff! My dad lives his FREE TIME according to a friggen schedule!
I don't ever, ever, EVER wanna grow up to be like my parents. My dad's an engineer. HK Government work, Ph.D in geology. My mom's a fairly successful teacher with a degree in music. They both work hard and come back tired ass. They're to an extent the modern-day parents that this world seems to have bred by the droves.
Heck, I wanna still be able to swing that light gun around like a pro when I'm fifty.
But the years are gonna have their final say. And I guess just one day I might look back and think "Dude, it happened." And by then I'll be 'responsible', working my ass off at least five days a week and not wanting to get up for saturday morning anime, spending money on bills and necessities like soft toilet paper bleach and antiseptic instead of blowing it on stupid games, hardware, and cold canned coffee.
You know, it's a mark of how much I've matured that I've actually started to worry about my future. That in itself is worrying. I never used to give a damn.
And now after all this maturity wangst I'm going to blow it all to phrippin phreck by doing the dumbest and most immature thing I can think of right now.
...I can't think of anything. HOW FAR HAVE I FALLEN