Seeking solace.
I think that I've decided on a date that would be appropriate and fitting for my demise. What better day than my birthday? I turn 24 this year on April 9th. I sat up last night tossing and turning, contemplating things, and it struck me as a wildly meaningful number to go out on.
I'm not saying that it's going to happen. I'm just saying that should my emotions continue to run away with me, should I continue to lose control of myself, that will (or would) be the day to go. So that's like a month. Ish. A little over a month in which I'm going to fight and struggle and work as hard as I possibly can to wrestle control of my thoughts back from the self-destructive demon eating me, and get my life into some semblance of order. To build a happy, successful relationship with Aura. To quell the tide of my debt. I need all these things to happen before I lose it completely.
All I seek is solace. Peace. Happiness with her. Happiness within me. That's all I want. That's all.
I'm not saying that it's going to happen. I'm just saying that should my emotions continue to run away with me, should I continue to lose control of myself, that will (or would) be the day to go. So that's like a month. Ish. A little over a month in which I'm going to fight and struggle and work as hard as I possibly can to wrestle control of my thoughts back from the self-destructive demon eating me, and get my life into some semblance of order. To build a happy, successful relationship with Aura. To quell the tide of my debt. I need all these things to happen before I lose it completely.
All I seek is solace. Peace. Happiness with her. Happiness within me. That's all I want. That's all.