May 24, 2004 16:42
And so my papa is dying *silent eyes*
It is very fascinating and strange *expression of wonder*
His black eyes are actually turning blue...and not just the foggy sort that comes with what I had thought aging to be, but a bright clear sort of blue...it is weird.
I love him as much as any one thing can possibly love another.
Papa Rose was the one who taught me about the stars, which always reminded me of who I was. (whereas Grandma Menary taught me about Beauty and wonder, with her birds and flowers and stories of mystery, which lit me on fire with curiosity of every thing and what it is I was and will always be)
So I went to visit my Papa, to say my goodbyes.
Out of innocent curiosity I had asked him what it was like to be dying.
He became all thoughtful and said 'I find it hard...to think... of THINGS and MYSELF'.
Me, being me, got exceedingly happy and excited about this, and grabbed his hand with eyes of light saying only, 'YES!!!'
I do not fear death and want him to die, for it is what he wants. I will miss his magickal stories about science and the stars though...and the way I am his little jewel.