Chanubi's Movie Night, #3!
I've been putting this off for too long. So here it is, right in time for christmas!
To begin, it's an old skin flick from 1971 (so consider the following post mildly NWS), back in the days when they bothered to put plots in their grumble. After watching it I can understand why that habit fell by the wayside.
Anyway, I'll let your host introduce you.
"Greetings, viewers. The following program contains gratuitous crimes against fashion, cinema, and good taste in general. It is not recommended for viewing by anyone. Management does not accept responsibility, nor do they offer refunds."
Right. Well, this is a piece called, 'The Abductors'. It's actually so bad I gave up watching about ten minutes in, and just held down the FF button for the rest of the movie. I'm not sure what happens - beyond the obvious - so I'm not going to attempt a narrative this time.
Title Screen. Note they had to form their own production company to push this dreck out. Misunderstood artists, or sexploitation tax dodge? You decide! (I'm betting on the latter)
Anyway, as the title suggests, it's about an outfit running a white slavery ring, abducting wholesome american girls and turning them into nymphomaniac love slaves for senators and captains of industry.
(from this...)
(... to this. Hot!)
And these are their future husbands. Rowr!
From what I could make out, the whole operation is run by this guy:
(apparently out of some kind of bank), with his lieutenant here:
running field operations with a crew of various misfits. Like this guy:
Oh, seventies, how we've missed you!
There's also a couple of private detectives who try to infiltrate this outfit...
"... with sexy results!"
So, somehow they bust up the operation (in between endless talking), there's a pretty naff shootout, and ninety minutes of your life is gone. Well, mine - but then I make these kind of sacrifices. Because I care!
And, the film ends - as it apparently began - beside a swimming pool. WIth a very seventies ending.
"Remember - only YOU can prevent white slavery!"
"Yippee!" *starjump*
Now, this is the early seventies, a time of high fashion...
... hot girls...
... and scenes that make no sense.
Sure, they're relevant to the plot, but watching a bird shake a set of maracas at a late-night party, while seemingly whacked off her tits, doesn't help much.
So, overall I'd say, if you had any desire to watch this movie - DON'T! It's probably the first time I've gotten bored even making fun of a film. Sure, there's tits all over the place, but they're not that appealing. And the sex is all sweaty and icky (hairy male butt!) Has modern pr0n twisted my perception that much? :(
The only reason I'm not comparing it to films like Manos: Hands of Fate, or Fist of the North Star, is because I haven't seen them yet :( It's definitely worse than Plan Nine from Outer Space, and Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, anyway. In fact, I'd probably put it on a par with Trip With The Teacher, except at least there's a bit of action in this one (note: this has made the shortlist for next review).
Overall rating: 3/10 (+2 for tits, +5 for hilarious fashion and bad acting, -3 for awful dialogue and clumsy innuendo, -500 for hairy naked guys.
You know, stuff like this:
(she's torturing him... by giving him a shower! Well, it was the seventies after all...)
Thank you! Bleach is on the table by the door, see you next time!
To begin, it's an old skin flick from 1971 (so consider the following post mildly NWS), back in the days when they bothered to put plots in their grumble. After watching it I can understand why that habit fell by the wayside.
Anyway, I'll let your host introduce you.
"Greetings, viewers. The following program contains gratuitous crimes against fashion, cinema, and good taste in general. It is not recommended for viewing by anyone. Management does not accept responsibility, nor do they offer refunds."
Right. Well, this is a piece called, 'The Abductors'. It's actually so bad I gave up watching about ten minutes in, and just held down the FF button for the rest of the movie. I'm not sure what happens - beyond the obvious - so I'm not going to attempt a narrative this time.
Title Screen. Note they had to form their own production company to push this dreck out. Misunderstood artists, or sexploitation tax dodge? You decide! (I'm betting on the latter)
Anyway, as the title suggests, it's about an outfit running a white slavery ring, abducting wholesome american girls and turning them into nymphomaniac love slaves for senators and captains of industry.
(from this...)
(... to this. Hot!)
And these are their future husbands. Rowr!
From what I could make out, the whole operation is run by this guy:
(apparently out of some kind of bank), with his lieutenant here:
running field operations with a crew of various misfits. Like this guy:
Oh, seventies, how we've missed you!
There's also a couple of private detectives who try to infiltrate this outfit...
"... with sexy results!"
So, somehow they bust up the operation (in between endless talking), there's a pretty naff shootout, and ninety minutes of your life is gone. Well, mine - but then I make these kind of sacrifices. Because I care!
And, the film ends - as it apparently began - beside a swimming pool. WIth a very seventies ending.
"Remember - only YOU can prevent white slavery!"
"Yippee!" *starjump*
Now, this is the early seventies, a time of high fashion...
... hot girls...
... and scenes that make no sense.
Sure, they're relevant to the plot, but watching a bird shake a set of maracas at a late-night party, while seemingly whacked off her tits, doesn't help much.
So, overall I'd say, if you had any desire to watch this movie - DON'T! It's probably the first time I've gotten bored even making fun of a film. Sure, there's tits all over the place, but they're not that appealing. And the sex is all sweaty and icky (hairy male butt!) Has modern pr0n twisted my perception that much? :(
The only reason I'm not comparing it to films like Manos: Hands of Fate, or Fist of the North Star, is because I haven't seen them yet :( It's definitely worse than Plan Nine from Outer Space, and Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, anyway. In fact, I'd probably put it on a par with Trip With The Teacher, except at least there's a bit of action in this one (note: this has made the shortlist for next review).
Overall rating: 3/10 (+2 for tits, +5 for hilarious fashion and bad acting, -3 for awful dialogue and clumsy innuendo, -500 for hairy naked guys.
You know, stuff like this:
(she's torturing him... by giving him a shower! Well, it was the seventies after all...)
Thank you! Bleach is on the table by the door, see you next time!