such is life
I've been putting off an entry with actual details for months, as I haven't had the time or the motivation for it. I think I need to take up writing in a personal journal as therapy again. The organization necessary to write all of my thoughts down is immensely helpful in keeping most aspects of my life straight, well, those over which I have some control.
To begin with my physical self, I spent the entire summer camping, hiking and biking around state parks in WI. I began working out frequently, though this has been cut back quite a bit since school started, and I have less free time. When I do have the time (like today) I do basic workouts, but it is hard for me to be physical in a cold climate. I dislike being cold, but I love being outside. My hair is just above my shoulders and black. I don't think I'll try to grow it longer again. I don't have the patience to deal with long hair. I am wearing much less make up, as my skin has decided that I really am older than 16. I have taken to eating Mediterranean style foods, and I have been a vegetarian now for almost two years (January).
My social self has been finding acquaintances since I moved to Appleton last March. Aside from my boyfriend of 7 months, I spend time with various 'townies' who happen to be people I work with or mutual friends of Jared's and mine. I don't spend much time outside school with students, as they are generally between three and seven years younger than I and have little experience in life, outside parent homes and college. It is hard for me to relate to dorm life and frat/sorority drama. There are, of course, the exceptions, and they are the ones with whom I tend to relate. I have also found some professors with whom I am forging connections. Of course things remain on a much more professional level, but I can understand where they are coming from better now that I have lived in the real world. I am not as scared of authority figures.
My family life is not much different from the way that it was when I was in FL. I live with my sister, but we see each other only rarely, as I am at school or work most of the time. We have basic living together conflicts dealing with chores and the seven animals living in our house, but everything has been handled in a more-or-(sometimes)less mature fashion. I hardly see my step-father, but we get along famously when we do see each other. I still can't apporve of his verbal and emotional abuse of all of his children, my youngest brother especially (who still lives there). I realize, however, that there are things to learn from any situation, and I can't do anything but wait to help William deal with the bad and see the good that comes from being raised as we were. Inviting him away on false pretenses (like moving furniture) helps some, but I understand his feelings of entrapment. My mother still thinks about leaving, but I don't know how she will decide or whether things will change for them once William moves out.
My close friends are still my close friends for the most part. Most of them are in other states, but we keep in touch, and we continue to support each other, as friends should. As for friends closer to home, they are coming but mostly going. I've known that the length of a friendship should never be mistaken for the strength, but it has never been so blatantly illustrated as when I asked a small favor of a friend of seven years, and was rudely bitched out for daring to do something so selfish. I don't know if I should point out that I was in the process of doing a favor for said friend. I don't tally the things I do for people I care about, and I don't expect favors, but I DO expect civility and I will not be taken advantage of, no matter how busy or stressed someone says they are. You make your own choices. I can only lend support. However, relationships can't be one sided. Before you apologize, think on the reasons for the recurrence of this conflict. This isn't the first time it's happened, and I don't think the issues are entirely circumstantial.
My relationship is going very well, and I don't anticipate any problems. We are mature adults and discuss problems in order to solve them. I admit to venting to friends about issues with him sometimes before discussing them with him. Sometimes it is to vent frustration, but it often helps to have another point of view, as well. I can't count the number of times that a friend has given me a different perspective and allowed me to avoid a conflict where there didn't need to be one.
I am a little worried about a girl who is dating a certain manipulative person I knew in the past. I don't know her, and I hope for her sake that she knows what he is really like. Perhaps she can live with that. Knowing the number of things I had to deal with during and after that very short relationship, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I can only wish her luck. Maybe he has become a self-sufficient and open-minded, hygeinic person. One can only hope. I am considering trying to warn her, but I don't want to interfere, and it's common knowledge that when someone is infatuated they are more likely to get defensive when someone criticizes their significant other. I will just hope that she is checking up on his past acquaintances and reads some of my entries. Most importantly she should know that a great deal of his health problems are his own fault and not anyone else's, especially her's. He refused to take care of himself during his relationship with me, and I doubt that he will change that as long as there is someone around to take care of him and to allow him to blame them for his problems. For three months, it was my fault that he did not eat properly, although he used MY money to buy his groceries, and my car to get them. It was my fault that he did not get sleep at night, though he would stay up until two and four in the morning playing computer games and IMing people. Most of all, it was my fault that he was not social and that he refused to shower until we had a ten minute argument about how horrible the house smelled (of him) whenever I came home from work. He did not pay rent, he covered maybe $200 of his living expenses and none of his traveling expenses, both when he moved from California, and when I sent him back to Oregon. He refused to work. When I put my repuatation on the line to get him a math tutoring job at a local Tech, with which he would have been able to work around whatever health problems he had, he quit. I don't think you can know these things until you live with him. Be warned.
Politically, I voted today for Kerry. Not because I particularly like him, but because I think that there needs to be a change from the mess Bush made. I don't know that Kerry will do a better job, but the worst he can do is the same as the last president, and we're stuck with that if Bush wins, so why not give it a try? Voting for another presidential candidate would have made it easier to let Bush win, and unfortunately I have chosen to vote to oust Dubya instead of voting for a preferred candidate. It is sad to me that campaign reform is so out of reach. Eventually, I think I will be tired of the constant stress and depression I feel when contemplating the mess our political system has become, and I will move away until someone with more money than I will ever have can fix it. Of course, that will never happen, because the rich want to KEEP their money ("and give me more, too!").
To begin with my physical self, I spent the entire summer camping, hiking and biking around state parks in WI. I began working out frequently, though this has been cut back quite a bit since school started, and I have less free time. When I do have the time (like today) I do basic workouts, but it is hard for me to be physical in a cold climate. I dislike being cold, but I love being outside. My hair is just above my shoulders and black. I don't think I'll try to grow it longer again. I don't have the patience to deal with long hair. I am wearing much less make up, as my skin has decided that I really am older than 16. I have taken to eating Mediterranean style foods, and I have been a vegetarian now for almost two years (January).
My social self has been finding acquaintances since I moved to Appleton last March. Aside from my boyfriend of 7 months, I spend time with various 'townies' who happen to be people I work with or mutual friends of Jared's and mine. I don't spend much time outside school with students, as they are generally between three and seven years younger than I and have little experience in life, outside parent homes and college. It is hard for me to relate to dorm life and frat/sorority drama. There are, of course, the exceptions, and they are the ones with whom I tend to relate. I have also found some professors with whom I am forging connections. Of course things remain on a much more professional level, but I can understand where they are coming from better now that I have lived in the real world. I am not as scared of authority figures.
My family life is not much different from the way that it was when I was in FL. I live with my sister, but we see each other only rarely, as I am at school or work most of the time. We have basic living together conflicts dealing with chores and the seven animals living in our house, but everything has been handled in a more-or-(sometimes)less mature fashion. I hardly see my step-father, but we get along famously when we do see each other. I still can't apporve of his verbal and emotional abuse of all of his children, my youngest brother especially (who still lives there). I realize, however, that there are things to learn from any situation, and I can't do anything but wait to help William deal with the bad and see the good that comes from being raised as we were. Inviting him away on false pretenses (like moving furniture) helps some, but I understand his feelings of entrapment. My mother still thinks about leaving, but I don't know how she will decide or whether things will change for them once William moves out.
My close friends are still my close friends for the most part. Most of them are in other states, but we keep in touch, and we continue to support each other, as friends should. As for friends closer to home, they are coming but mostly going. I've known that the length of a friendship should never be mistaken for the strength, but it has never been so blatantly illustrated as when I asked a small favor of a friend of seven years, and was rudely bitched out for daring to do something so selfish. I don't know if I should point out that I was in the process of doing a favor for said friend. I don't tally the things I do for people I care about, and I don't expect favors, but I DO expect civility and I will not be taken advantage of, no matter how busy or stressed someone says they are. You make your own choices. I can only lend support. However, relationships can't be one sided. Before you apologize, think on the reasons for the recurrence of this conflict. This isn't the first time it's happened, and I don't think the issues are entirely circumstantial.
My relationship is going very well, and I don't anticipate any problems. We are mature adults and discuss problems in order to solve them. I admit to venting to friends about issues with him sometimes before discussing them with him. Sometimes it is to vent frustration, but it often helps to have another point of view, as well. I can't count the number of times that a friend has given me a different perspective and allowed me to avoid a conflict where there didn't need to be one.
I am a little worried about a girl who is dating a certain manipulative person I knew in the past. I don't know her, and I hope for her sake that she knows what he is really like. Perhaps she can live with that. Knowing the number of things I had to deal with during and after that very short relationship, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I can only wish her luck. Maybe he has become a self-sufficient and open-minded, hygeinic person. One can only hope. I am considering trying to warn her, but I don't want to interfere, and it's common knowledge that when someone is infatuated they are more likely to get defensive when someone criticizes their significant other. I will just hope that she is checking up on his past acquaintances and reads some of my entries. Most importantly she should know that a great deal of his health problems are his own fault and not anyone else's, especially her's. He refused to take care of himself during his relationship with me, and I doubt that he will change that as long as there is someone around to take care of him and to allow him to blame them for his problems. For three months, it was my fault that he did not eat properly, although he used MY money to buy his groceries, and my car to get them. It was my fault that he did not get sleep at night, though he would stay up until two and four in the morning playing computer games and IMing people. Most of all, it was my fault that he was not social and that he refused to shower until we had a ten minute argument about how horrible the house smelled (of him) whenever I came home from work. He did not pay rent, he covered maybe $200 of his living expenses and none of his traveling expenses, both when he moved from California, and when I sent him back to Oregon. He refused to work. When I put my repuatation on the line to get him a math tutoring job at a local Tech, with which he would have been able to work around whatever health problems he had, he quit. I don't think you can know these things until you live with him. Be warned.
Politically, I voted today for Kerry. Not because I particularly like him, but because I think that there needs to be a change from the mess Bush made. I don't know that Kerry will do a better job, but the worst he can do is the same as the last president, and we're stuck with that if Bush wins, so why not give it a try? Voting for another presidential candidate would have made it easier to let Bush win, and unfortunately I have chosen to vote to oust Dubya instead of voting for a preferred candidate. It is sad to me that campaign reform is so out of reach. Eventually, I think I will be tired of the constant stress and depression I feel when contemplating the mess our political system has become, and I will move away until someone with more money than I will ever have can fix it. Of course, that will never happen, because the rich want to KEEP their money ("and give me more, too!").