(no subject)
You know in my last entry when I said I wasn't depressed.....well I guess I was lying.
All I want to do is stay in my room. I don't like being anti-social. I want to have fun and yet, I don't. It's quite a paradox.
Last night I stayed in my room and watched tv. And I was happy.....well at least content.
Tonight, I tried to make myself socialize. I got dressed and ready for the dance and went to West Quad. But I sat on the futon, rarely commenting on anything and pretty much just spacing out.
I feel like I haven't had a good time in a really long time. I know I don't open myself up for them but right now it seems so difficult and wrong. I just can't make myself have fun....no matter how hard I try.
And any mention of alcohol makes me uncomfortable. I have no desire to drink it, discuss it, or have anything to do with it.
What the hell is wrong with me? And more importantly, how do I fix it?
Maybe Williams was the right place for me. Maybe I am a non-drinking dork who stays in on the weekends and feels awkward in party situations. I have reverted to my freshman self.
The thing that perplexes me is why? I was totally loving life just three weeks ago and I had a great JanPlan. For some reason, I really feel that Montreal was the turning point for me and I don't know why.
It is now 10:30 on a Saturday night and I'm going to bed, making this the second dance I've missed in 2 weeks and, I think, only the third I've missed since coming to Colby.
Somehow, I need to fix myself.
All I want to do is stay in my room. I don't like being anti-social. I want to have fun and yet, I don't. It's quite a paradox.
Last night I stayed in my room and watched tv. And I was happy.....well at least content.
Tonight, I tried to make myself socialize. I got dressed and ready for the dance and went to West Quad. But I sat on the futon, rarely commenting on anything and pretty much just spacing out.
I feel like I haven't had a good time in a really long time. I know I don't open myself up for them but right now it seems so difficult and wrong. I just can't make myself have fun....no matter how hard I try.
And any mention of alcohol makes me uncomfortable. I have no desire to drink it, discuss it, or have anything to do with it.
What the hell is wrong with me? And more importantly, how do I fix it?
Maybe Williams was the right place for me. Maybe I am a non-drinking dork who stays in on the weekends and feels awkward in party situations. I have reverted to my freshman self.
The thing that perplexes me is why? I was totally loving life just three weeks ago and I had a great JanPlan. For some reason, I really feel that Montreal was the turning point for me and I don't know why.
It is now 10:30 on a Saturday night and I'm going to bed, making this the second dance I've missed in 2 weeks and, I think, only the third I've missed since coming to Colby.
Somehow, I need to fix myself.