Not for a moment
Disconnected, still, just a bit. I've spent the past many days somewhat at a frantic pace, reconnecting with everything around me--having spent so much time completely cut off, the process has seemed necessarily hasty. Right now, I'm coming back upon introspection, as there are still so many tendencies which I've previously fallen prey to, despite the harm. And, no--I'm not talking about the tendency and desire to wander the dark terrain, alone. No, moreso the tendencies to do what others would have me do, in ways they'd have me do them, and to compromise entirely in the process. Tendencies to hinder myself by way of contorting toward what others deem more desirable for me than my own truer course.
It's vexing, really. My father is fair accepting, yes, as are many of my friends--the closer ones, moreso than the passing, but not to the extent that they don't still express concern and limitations on what they perceive my possible actions may be. Some very few are wholly supportive. Of whatever. Not concerned over how it will reflect upon them, nor upon what potential for harm my choices could unleash. In this all, I'm presently considering potential for a return move to New Orleans. I have been told "absolutely not" by many. While others who care invite me in.
Time isn't ripe for that move, at present. I know this. I don't lament it--there isn't anything to lament, I'm where I need to be, as long as I am anywhere. I'm just not at all inclined to act in ways which I know are outside of my best interest as goes pursuit of my own potential. Fulfillment and accomplishment, through such a course as whatever need be mine. Now is not the time for New Orleans, is all. I have a LOT of fears and unhealthy habits to shed, still. A LOT of healing to do, yet. Return to me.
Everything from physical to spiritual well-being must NEED be tended, now. Blessed phase to come--I'm nigh on the verge of tears, grateful for this respite and relative comfort in somewhat companionship. So grateful. God is good.
And, as to that--the return to religion--there are a lot of things I could say of it. Suffice to say, my beliefs are my own, and I'm glad for the truths I do know, even as I know that others bear truths of their own, too. Gladly, I do love to share of the miracles I've experienced and witnessed. But it's of no count to do so, most days. Miracle enough it seems to most, that the light changes on time to avoid an accident. Besides, I've been so afraid to speak for so long, again--I'm not sure I could bring myself to share, quite yet.
Any which way. All I want is to be me, and be let to be. All the me I can be. *grins and laughs*
Is good.
Daily(?) status report: complete
It's vexing, really. My father is fair accepting, yes, as are many of my friends--the closer ones, moreso than the passing, but not to the extent that they don't still express concern and limitations on what they perceive my possible actions may be. Some very few are wholly supportive. Of whatever. Not concerned over how it will reflect upon them, nor upon what potential for harm my choices could unleash. In this all, I'm presently considering potential for a return move to New Orleans. I have been told "absolutely not" by many. While others who care invite me in.
Time isn't ripe for that move, at present. I know this. I don't lament it--there isn't anything to lament, I'm where I need to be, as long as I am anywhere. I'm just not at all inclined to act in ways which I know are outside of my best interest as goes pursuit of my own potential. Fulfillment and accomplishment, through such a course as whatever need be mine. Now is not the time for New Orleans, is all. I have a LOT of fears and unhealthy habits to shed, still. A LOT of healing to do, yet. Return to me.
Everything from physical to spiritual well-being must NEED be tended, now. Blessed phase to come--I'm nigh on the verge of tears, grateful for this respite and relative comfort in somewhat companionship. So grateful. God is good.
And, as to that--the return to religion--there are a lot of things I could say of it. Suffice to say, my beliefs are my own, and I'm glad for the truths I do know, even as I know that others bear truths of their own, too. Gladly, I do love to share of the miracles I've experienced and witnessed. But it's of no count to do so, most days. Miracle enough it seems to most, that the light changes on time to avoid an accident. Besides, I've been so afraid to speak for so long, again--I'm not sure I could bring myself to share, quite yet.
Any which way. All I want is to be me, and be let to be. All the me I can be. *grins and laughs*
Is good.
Daily(?) status report: complete