(no subject)
So...apparently, it's going to be that sort of situation.
Well enough.
I mean--god knows I haven't been upfront about things these past two weeks. But I don't feel as though I've been needlessly judgmental in my assessments. I don't believe my observations have been unwarranted, or biased. Not as they were, when I was accepting everything as though it was friggin roses and rainbows no matter how shitty the circumstances.
Not that they've been anywhere as shitty, lately, as most of what I've experienced. Or--in specific regard to relationships--in all of my prior experiences, to differing degrees.
Yeah, no.
I just really didn't expect him to talk shit about me, like that. In front of people I know, who've known me (three of them, at least) longer than him. As though it was ok. When I was 15 feet away--in a different room, which...granted, given his hearing loss, probably didn't seem within hearing range with music playing--to start talking shit about our sex life.
I didn't catch what started it. Just someone asking him something about "well, what's it like, then...spending the night with her...waking up with her?" And I was so friggin dumbfounded that I really can't quite even process it now. I don't friggin WANT to remember how things went from that to him talking about my sexual prowess in regard to oral sex. But, yeah. Mud &/or muddy (both used to emphasize) does not equal head. Telling someone that "and when she TAKES ...blah, blah, blah... it's like ..blah" does not equal "talking about a pic he showed of a girl who'd poured a beer, and we were talking about the head she GAVE on it." Not TOOK (word -HEARD- spoken, more than once)...he tried to tell me he was saying -GAVE-. And when I looked askance--cause I didn't damned well say much but to ask what that particular slang word ,which really only makes sense in context, meant--knowing what it meant when I heard it, cause my most recent, previous ex used it to describe oral sex from me--he got a bit slack jawed and immediately tried to over-talk me. Didn't give up. So he went with the "pic...beer...head given" story. Not the word I HEARD, but "head" on a beer.
And when I didn't buy the story. Without being all friggin loud and aggressive in my insistence on gaining an answer--just unwavering in insistence upon having my question acknowledged as it was...he called me crazy. So I told him "yeah, I know that. I am friggin crazy. But that doesn't change anything." ...and dropped it.
Things got REALLY awkward for a bit, after that. But I completely let it go...I started getting into the music again, immediately. Smiled lightly at the friends across from me whom I'd heard go completely silent when the conversation became INSISTENTLY derogatory, on his part...cause I'm assuming he brought it up. Maybe not. He was with a couple of "frat friends," but...I hung out with them without it being weird, when we were in Chicago. So, even if they had brought something up...drinking-type stuff, or something...I really don't think they would've felt comfortable being so disrespectful of me in front of people they barely knew aside of acknowledging them as MY friends.
And I listened for a few minutes...or, what felt like an eternity--not really sure how long it went on. Just that I initially was doubting that I was hearing something...and, yeah...
It was what I thought it was, and it sucks, but thank God and all the powers which be...a friend showed up when I most needed to share, so I have some peace, now.
And, really, that's what this entry was about.
Well enough.
I mean--god knows I haven't been upfront about things these past two weeks. But I don't feel as though I've been needlessly judgmental in my assessments. I don't believe my observations have been unwarranted, or biased. Not as they were, when I was accepting everything as though it was friggin roses and rainbows no matter how shitty the circumstances.
Not that they've been anywhere as shitty, lately, as most of what I've experienced. Or--in specific regard to relationships--in all of my prior experiences, to differing degrees.
Yeah, no.
I just really didn't expect him to talk shit about me, like that. In front of people I know, who've known me (three of them, at least) longer than him. As though it was ok. When I was 15 feet away--in a different room, which...granted, given his hearing loss, probably didn't seem within hearing range with music playing--to start talking shit about our sex life.
I didn't catch what started it. Just someone asking him something about "well, what's it like, then...spending the night with her...waking up with her?" And I was so friggin dumbfounded that I really can't quite even process it now. I don't friggin WANT to remember how things went from that to him talking about my sexual prowess in regard to oral sex. But, yeah. Mud &/or muddy (both used to emphasize) does not equal head. Telling someone that "and when she TAKES ...blah, blah, blah... it's like ..blah" does not equal "talking about a pic he showed of a girl who'd poured a beer, and we were talking about the head she GAVE on it." Not TOOK (word -HEARD- spoken, more than once)...he tried to tell me he was saying -GAVE-. And when I looked askance--cause I didn't damned well say much but to ask what that particular slang word ,which really only makes sense in context, meant--knowing what it meant when I heard it, cause my most recent, previous ex used it to describe oral sex from me--he got a bit slack jawed and immediately tried to over-talk me. Didn't give up. So he went with the "pic...beer...head given" story. Not the word I HEARD, but "head" on a beer.
And when I didn't buy the story. Without being all friggin loud and aggressive in my insistence on gaining an answer--just unwavering in insistence upon having my question acknowledged as it was...he called me crazy. So I told him "yeah, I know that. I am friggin crazy. But that doesn't change anything." ...and dropped it.
Things got REALLY awkward for a bit, after that. But I completely let it go...I started getting into the music again, immediately. Smiled lightly at the friends across from me whom I'd heard go completely silent when the conversation became INSISTENTLY derogatory, on his part...cause I'm assuming he brought it up. Maybe not. He was with a couple of "frat friends," but...I hung out with them without it being weird, when we were in Chicago. So, even if they had brought something up...drinking-type stuff, or something...I really don't think they would've felt comfortable being so disrespectful of me in front of people they barely knew aside of acknowledging them as MY friends.
And I listened for a few minutes...or, what felt like an eternity--not really sure how long it went on. Just that I initially was doubting that I was hearing something...and, yeah...
It was what I thought it was, and it sucks, but thank God and all the powers which be...a friend showed up when I most needed to share, so I have some peace, now.
And, really, that's what this entry was about.