How Do I Love Thee: Afar
Title: How Do I Love Thee: Afar
Pairing: OnewxMinho aka Tofuho, OnHo
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance, Angst
Disclaimer: SHINee belongs to SM Entertainment, only the story is mine. ^-^
Summary: Showing thy concern whilst not having the rights… Thy feelings been concealed regardless of pains and cries…
The four of them has been too exhausted upon arriving home from the late night show where their hyung is an MC. It was nice being in a program together where one of the members participates regularly and all of them enjoyed it, had a good laugh at the entire filming, though kinda bit uncomfortable due to the limited space of the moving vehicle which is the location of the said show.
Minho was able to show his comedic side by pouring out laughable comments at the show, especially at Gil. How he remembered being stiff at several gag shows because he is not naturally good at being funny... unlike their Onew-hyung.
The rest are already sleeping, only him left alone at the living room still wasn't able to sleep. He was randomly changing channels when he was suddenly reminded of their talk a while ago... about his hyung crying when they won for the Lucifer song.
It was indeed the first time he saw their leader cried so hard, really hard. It was even unbearable to see than Jong's when they had their Juliette comeback. He agreed they have been out of the charts for a long time and this comeback has been so memorable since they moved out off their usual cute-colored attires and the message of the song was not mushy like their previous ones.
He was curious too. So curious, but he doesn't have enough courage to ask it personally.
Luckily, he had ample of it when he hugged him that night. While the others were happily raising their award, he hugged him as he was crying. Tight. As if it was the most natural thing to do at that moment. As if there were only just them. The two of them.
He was interrupted from his thoughts when he heard their door opened.
"Ah, you're... did I disturbed your rest? Sorry..." It was Onew, carefully closing the door and placing his shoes at their rack. He silently placed all his things at dining table and went to the fridge for some refreshments.
He was quiet, maybe because of exhaustion from work? "Yah, hyung. How's your day?" He knew that was lame. How could he not know when he was with him until a while ago.
"It was good."
"You're show is funny, hyung. Really. You adapt well and I can't already see the awkwardness I noticed from your first episode."
"I know." followed by his cheerful laugh. "Just kidding… I didn't imagine I have the talent for variety and MC-ing."
"You really can do everything. How I wish I could also do shows like that with you."
The leader just smiled at him, costing him almost all the self-control he'd been saving just not to do anything stupid with his hyung. Anything that would shatter the closeness between them.
The silence was deafening afterwards. Maybe this is the time Minho has been waiting for. No disturbance of other people, no cameras fleeting around, no other members' teasing... Just him and Onew.
"Hyung, can we talk?"
Onew chuckled, "We're already talking, aren't we?"
"No, I mean... Not about work.... Well, it's kinda related... Ah! How should I say this..." he stood up, went to the dining area and sat at the table just in front of the other.
"What is it?" He replied, half confused-half worried. "Was there a problem with our schedule for tomorrow? Or... or... Are one of you not feeling well lately? Is it Taemin?" He asked instinctively.
If only his face was as expressive as Onew's, the older might have noticed the jealousy that has enveloped his feelings already. He knows their leader is closest to their maknae even before their debut. But only his name being mentioned when he is worrying hurted him. "It isn't something that concerns others, hyung. And why Taemin of all of us? Is he the only one worthy of your concern?"
Onew was taken aback. Minho's voice is so deep but he could sense he is somewhat angered. He then lowered his head contemplating on what's wrong with what he said. "I-I... I think we should rest. We seemed to be tired already." He said walking away but a hand suddenly stopped him from leaving.
"Sorry," he sighed, "Really... I... What I really wanted to talk is..."
Onew still not moving, still don't know whether he would face Minho or just let go of the hand gripping his arm. His feelings are quite a mess lately, he admits it. Only himself knew this. He is afraid he might be misunderstood, prejudged, hurt especially the person who has been causing this to him.
"Hyung, really, why did you cried so hard that time?"
'Again?' Onew asked himself. He thought he had answered this to numerous times already. "Like I said-" he attempted answering as he faced the other but was suddenly cut-off.
"Yeah, that's what you've been saying to everyone. But why do I get the feeling that there is more to that."
He smiled anxiously. "T-there's no big deal about it. I-I'm just overwhelmed and..."
Minho cupped his face, forcing their leader to properly face him, his eyes looking into his. "You don’t have to answer me in a showbiz-manner, hyung. It's only us. Only me in front of you, Onew."
He tried removing the younger's hand. But being the persistent person Minho is, he could not and he knows this man won't let him go unless he opens up to him.
He was then forced to look into his eyes. They were like that for a few minutes like it was a staring contest and they were in the championship. "Please stop this." he said coldly, finally breaking the silence. "Whatever's been bothering me, it's better for you to not think about it. People have this thing called privacy and even we have been living in this dorm for quite some time, that doesn't mean you already have the right to know EVERYTHING about me."
His grip to the older loosens. Never in his life had he imagined that their leader has the ability of being this cold. As he was contemplating on the situation, Onew took this chance to escape from him.
He cannot let it end like this, and he won't. And as if his body has a mind of his own, he run towards his hyung and hug him from behind, preventing the latter from entering his room.
"W-what are you doing?! Yah~ Choi Minho, l-let me go. This isn't funny anymore."
"I won't, hyung, I won't."
Struggling is futile; he knows it the more with Minho. But how stubborn can this guy get? "I'm tired Minho-goon, can't we talk this some other time?"
"Me too, hyung, I'm dead tired of this." He said as he forced their leader again to face him.
"Then let's slee-"
"I'm dead tired of you keeping the burden all to yourself. Taemin, Key-hyung and Jong-hyung may notice it but won't not say a word because it's what you want, but I'm different, hyung. I can't stand seeing your warm smile yet I know deep inside you have worries you won't even tell with us."
"Why are you insisting me to tell you? You can't do anything about it anyway."
"So there is something…"
"Yes there is! A big one and only myself can solve it so you don't have to meddle with it, understand?" Onew snapped, as he was feeling tired and irritated for going through the topic over and over. Furthermore, the significant cause of troubles lately is just around the corner.
He sighed. He knows he'll be regretting this in the future but since it has already come to this point, he should already say this to him. He doesn't care if they'll be ignoring each other in the next few days but at least he could have let loose all the troubles inside him.
"You really want to know? Fine!" It was Onew now looking at him fiercely. "Yeah, I was indeed happy with our comeback and Lucifer being a hit, that's one reason. But you know, being happy at the same time feeling the pressure as a leader, hearing not so nice things behind your back and keeping those as much as possible from you guys, protecting you not to be affected by those hoax... As much as I want to bury it, forget those, I cannot! It rings in my head every time something makes me remember it..."
"Hyung..." He can feel the older's shaking, a tear falling on his cheek which he deliberately swept.
"And what's more difficult to bear is this," he pointed at her left chest, "this stupid thing which started messing up with everything lately! I know it’s not even damn right to have these f*cking feelings!"
Whoever his Onew-hyung had feelings for, he was angry for making him suffer like the way he is now. And at the same time, jealous. He know he doesn't even have the right to but it hurts him the way it hurts the older - or even more.
"Now, if you excuse me," Onew breaking Minho's silence.
His feet gave up as soon as he entered his room, together with the tears he is preventing to fall continuously from his outburst. He knew from the start everything is wrong. And he can't believe he'd breakdown in front of Minho for that matter, especially... that the very main reason he's been hurting... is him.
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O_O
Finally posted my first ever OnHo/Tofuho fic... Though I have written something from my previous blog before, this my first time writing for a kpop group. I'm planning on doing this sort of a multi-chap or something. It depends on my brain cells though... XD
comments are loved~! But don’t be very very harsh.. haha.. I admit I still have a long way to go in writing stuffs, so yeah..
[any ideas/prompts for the continuation ('cause if you might notice, this was prompted in SHINee's guesting on ep. 13 at YaHaengSung...)? i'll see what i can do then.. =)]
^_____^y