Fanfic Drinking Games
I am always willing to be punched in the face if it will entertain apiphile, who, you may recall, is to blame for everything I do lately. She emailed about a possible fanfic drinking game devised by retrosoup, I replied with some ideas of my own, and then she said post it, so I said okay! I have a making friends tag for a reason, people.
I was shooting for bandom-specific, but it turns out that's impossible, because I know I could find almost all of these fics in Potterdom too. My fandom is always the crackwhore with the wide, wide smile. I may love it, but it also loves many other people, some of whom can pay more.
ON TO THE GAME.
Have a drink each time:
- a fandom characterisation is used so that you can have a cheap villain (ie, Bert is evil for breaking GeeWay's heart, William is a slut, Gabe's a rapist, etc). The less effort that is made to fit this into the story, the better. Obviously it is ZOMG!TRUEZ and nothing in canon that contradicts these views is anything other than a Communist/apologist plot.
- a canon villain's problems are explained away by bad parenting.
Bonus drink conditions for this one:
-- if the parent(s) is/are onscreen as characters doing things that not even Fagin would do to Oliver.
-- if magical twu wuv and magical cock solve all of canon-villain's problems and make him A Nice Guy Who Loves The World.
- the truth is not ~tragic~ enough and needs to be added to.
- the story is too tragic and things need to be subtracted so that the main character can remain hot rather than losing his/her teeth as a result of scurvy.
- anything whatsoever that is hurt/comfort. It's pretty much not possible to heal someone's psyche by shoving a cock up their bum. Few peoples' psyches are located there.
- the author demonstrates that s/he has no concept that it is possible for gay men to come in flavours other than "screaming old queen". Obviously, if you want cock you must sound like RuPaul. If you prefer to pitch, you sound like Rambo.
- gay men pretty generally do not sound like and have the interests of 13 year old girls. It is possible to separate the physical trappings of scene bands from their emotional trappings. (Except for Brendon.)
- the author thinks close friends (Ryan and Spencer primarily) would look hawt together, so THEY FUCK LIKE BUNNIES, despite the fact of documented child psychology that goes back to AT LEAST Mary Queen of Scots indicating that - well, really, really not. We don't tend to find our childhood friends sexually attractive.
- the author is a mental virgin. This has nothing to do with physical virginity, nor yet with physical gender or sexual orientation, but it does have a lot to do with not thinking things through and doing appropriate research. Men having sex is actually fundamentally different from men having sex with women. Who knew!
Bonus drink conditions on this one, too:
-- It's generally not possible for someone to get it up that fast, FOR SERIOUS.
-- Semen may be an enjoyable taste - I happen to like it, generally - but that doesn't make it good. You wouldn't flavour chocolate with it, unless you were really, really fucked in the head.
-- Men in their late twenties and early thirties pretty much generally don't come the second you look suggestively at them.
-- Anal sex is not fun without lubrication.
-- Physical descriptions are more appropriate to a man having sex with a female contortionist.
- no women at all exist without explanation given for this - it's one thing to say that MCR's holed up in the studio with all-male techs; it's another to imply that this is practically a gay-by-necessity crowd, and all the women have fallen off the planet.
OH OH OH THIS ONE TOO:
- have a drink every fucking time an author suggests that, because s/he doesn't want to deal with political shit, only with fwuffy twu wuv, we live in a world where gays and straights have equal rights and are totally accepted without reservation - and it's THIS YEAR.
In conclusion, you will be really fucking drunk if you read many of the fics I have read and enjoyed. Feel free to punch me in the face; apiphile likes blood and I am trying to kidnap her to live in a commune with me and graeae and swear_jar. And Amanda Palmer. Because she's HOT. (And likes toy ponies.)
ETA: I am inadvertently making red pasta. Apparently the dye on my red spoon is not actually colourfast, at least not in boiling water. WHOOPS.
I was shooting for bandom-specific, but it turns out that's impossible, because I know I could find almost all of these fics in Potterdom too. My fandom is always the crackwhore with the wide, wide smile. I may love it, but it also loves many other people, some of whom can pay more.
ON TO THE GAME.
Have a drink each time:
- a fandom characterisation is used so that you can have a cheap villain (ie, Bert is evil for breaking GeeWay's heart, William is a slut, Gabe's a rapist, etc). The less effort that is made to fit this into the story, the better. Obviously it is ZOMG!TRUEZ and nothing in canon that contradicts these views is anything other than a Communist/apologist plot.
- a canon villain's problems are explained away by bad parenting.
Bonus drink conditions for this one:
-- if the parent(s) is/are onscreen as characters doing things that not even Fagin would do to Oliver.
-- if magical twu wuv and magical cock solve all of canon-villain's problems and make him A Nice Guy Who Loves The World.
- the truth is not ~tragic~ enough and needs to be added to.
- the story is too tragic and things need to be subtracted so that the main character can remain hot rather than losing his/her teeth as a result of scurvy.
- anything whatsoever that is hurt/comfort. It's pretty much not possible to heal someone's psyche by shoving a cock up their bum. Few peoples' psyches are located there.
- the author demonstrates that s/he has no concept that it is possible for gay men to come in flavours other than "screaming old queen". Obviously, if you want cock you must sound like RuPaul. If you prefer to pitch, you sound like Rambo.
- gay men pretty generally do not sound like and have the interests of 13 year old girls. It is possible to separate the physical trappings of scene bands from their emotional trappings. (Except for Brendon.)
- the author thinks close friends (Ryan and Spencer primarily) would look hawt together, so THEY FUCK LIKE BUNNIES, despite the fact of documented child psychology that goes back to AT LEAST Mary Queen of Scots indicating that - well, really, really not. We don't tend to find our childhood friends sexually attractive.
- the author is a mental virgin. This has nothing to do with physical virginity, nor yet with physical gender or sexual orientation, but it does have a lot to do with not thinking things through and doing appropriate research. Men having sex is actually fundamentally different from men having sex with women. Who knew!
Bonus drink conditions on this one, too:
-- It's generally not possible for someone to get it up that fast, FOR SERIOUS.
-- Semen may be an enjoyable taste - I happen to like it, generally - but that doesn't make it good. You wouldn't flavour chocolate with it, unless you were really, really fucked in the head.
-- Men in their late twenties and early thirties pretty much generally don't come the second you look suggestively at them.
-- Anal sex is not fun without lubrication.
-- Physical descriptions are more appropriate to a man having sex with a female contortionist.
- no women at all exist without explanation given for this - it's one thing to say that MCR's holed up in the studio with all-male techs; it's another to imply that this is practically a gay-by-necessity crowd, and all the women have fallen off the planet.
OH OH OH THIS ONE TOO:
- have a drink every fucking time an author suggests that, because s/he doesn't want to deal with political shit, only with fwuffy twu wuv, we live in a world where gays and straights have equal rights and are totally accepted without reservation - and it's THIS YEAR.
In conclusion, you will be really fucking drunk if you read many of the fics I have read and enjoyed. Feel free to punch me in the face; apiphile likes blood and I am trying to kidnap her to live in a commune with me and graeae and swear_jar. And Amanda Palmer. Because she's HOT. (And likes toy ponies.)
ETA: I am inadvertently making red pasta. Apparently the dye on my red spoon is not actually colourfast, at least not in boiling water. WHOOPS.