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[channelchangesu]

My life isn't going as good as I would like it too. My mom and dad do not feel that they are a problem in this, and when a trained professinoal tells them that they are, they dont accept the fact (which by the way is what they tell me to do) they try to argue it. In fact my dad wants to have words with my counseler because my cousneler made my mom feel bad...well now she didnt, she didnt make any statements to my mom she just asked questions, and left the statement tehre to be realized...which happened and then my mom felt like "a horrible mother" and she played the martyr (again soemthing they tell me not to do) so what am I suppose to do, I think im losing my mind seriously, I get filled wiht such aggravation now, if honestly feels like there is something missing inside and I don't know what. My mom won't even talk to me, and if I tried telling her any of this, she would just argue, and contradict me, as if I don't even know how I feel. That's how the past week of my life has been going, the best I've felt for the past year or so, is when I walked out of that counselers office. I felt amazing, seriously I never felt that clear headed before, I never felt that good, I was filled wiht hope. She told me that I'm not wrong...I couldn't believe it. She actually listned to what I said, which made me feel good, but when she agreed with it I felt even better. I felt so good, it was amazing, but then my mom started to talk to me. She quickly changed my feelings, she began to complain and everything she did before, I thought maybe the counseler may have gotten to her, and may have made her realize that it's not just my fault, and its not like this is "wrong" its just "life". but no, I got yelled at anyways, and I've been getting yelled at fairly consitnatly the past few days...funny thing is, the more theyve been yelling the more ive been yelling and the more theyve been telling me im not allowed to stick up for myself and I just need to take it. Well i told my counseler about this, and my whole point was yes, I do have to listen to them they are my parents, but how much of this do i have to "take". I mean they shout, and scream at me, and I don't even have to do anything. And with my dad, if i commit a minor faux pas, he scolds me as if I had just robbed an old lady. I mean my parents are strict, always have been always will be, and thats fine....strict is okay, but militant...like my past few days haev been...that just ridiclous. At least in my eyes, but what do I know, I'm just the only person in my house being treated this way...I mean I wouldnt know how I feel or anything....

Everytime I simply try to tell them how I feel it turns into an argument, because neither one of them can keep the converstaion on my feelings, they have to change it into a conversation about something else and scold me for it. Neither one of them knows how I really feel...adn this is how I really feel

I fucked up, I cost them money, time, sleep, and even hair. I don't like what I've become and I'm trying to change my ways, I'm trying not to be so angry all the time, and I am trying to handle it better, and make right decisions. BUT no one in this house is even trying to help me make the change, IN FACT thier yelling more, In fact their yelling at eachother right now. I acutally shouldn't say they aren't trying to help becuase they are, but they aren't doing it in the right way. Thier doing things that they think will help but really are just making me feel like shit, and thier making me feel that feeling where I'm so built up wiht frustration that i feel empty. I can't do anything like this, this is more stress than I've ever been faced with in my life, and everyone is willing and trying to help, but its not helping, and I really think everyone in this house needs to take the counseler seriously, cause she is one of the few thigns that can help