THE SEX LIVES OF TOOLS
CONTEXT: I made a list of nicknames Ken's given people in camp and canon, and had just shared it with pie. THIS SOMEHOW TURNED INTO. UH. THIS:
changinchannels: |D
I'M PROBABLY MISSING SOME
but idk
most people don't make enough of an impact on Ken to get a name
....also i love how like
Mukuro is the only one who gets his real name
a_foreffort: ....kakipi is close enough
changinchannels: Yeah
.........man i should come up with something retarded to call Chrome that Ken would never ever purposefully say out loud
*sort of adores his tsuntsunfailcrush
a_foreffort: socuuutte
changinchannels: AND I AM TOTALLY OKAY WITH THINKING IT'S CANON
BECAUSE LIKE
HE FLIPS OUT WHEN SHE KISSES TSUNA ON THE CHEEK
AND GOKUDERA DOES TOO. AND DERA HAS A DEREDEREFAILCRUSH ON TSUNA [o-or something XD]
SO KEN HAVING A TSUNTSUNFAILCRUSH ON CHROME MAKE S SENSE
or at least it does to me. :|b
(and hey, it makes way more sense than Ken having a crush on anyone ELSE fandom pairs him with. except maybe mukuro, but that like. ...seeing him in a sexual or romantic light would be DISRESPECTFUL because Ken is instinctually aware that he is Less Than Mukuro.)
a_foreffort: .....yeah see
I don't. ship kakipi
period
changinchannels: Y-Yeah
a_foreffort: ....there's no one in canon, exceeept maybe a sort of platonic thing with bel
...that's lai's fault
changinchannels: pfft
a_foreffort: HAVE YOU READ IT?
changinchannels: SEE. I STILL WANT TO DO AN AU WITH THEM
WHERE LIKE
CAMP DOES... SOMETHING
SO THAT KAKIPI ACTUALLY HAS A SEX DRIVE
BUT
a_foreffort: ....mistletoe
?
changinchannels: LIKE
IS STILL KAKIPI
so it's like
"no, ken. anal sex is messy and uneccessary."
(* Ken PUTS IT IN ANYWAY)
a_foreffort: ...ORZ
changinchannels: .....I bet Kakipi swallows just because that means there's less cleanup.
a_foreffort: ...probably
changinchannels: pfft
(i am posting this in Ken's journal, i think.)
a_foreffort: sob
changinchannels: WHAT. I LIKE THINKING ABOUT OUR NONEXISTANT SEXLIVES, PYON.
g-god mostly i just want to au ken with someone for the lolz of anyone putting their dick in ken's mouth
a_foreffort: KAKIPI IS SMARTER THAN THAT
changinchannels: ---hahaha so
i just got the mental image of ken ATTEMPTING TO GO DOWN ON KAKIPI
and then like
SUDDENLY GETTING SMACKED AWAY WITH A ROLLED UP NEWSPAPER THAT CAME OUT OF NOWHERE
"NO. 8| BAD."
a_foreffort: XDDDD
changinchannels: Wounded puppy noises are not sexy :\
.......here's the real question though
who would top?
a_foreffort: ....topping is too troublesome
changinchannels: ....yeah but
so's walking funny for the next week
and letting Ken try and figure out what he's doing
a_foreffort: ...topping is too troublesome
changinchannels: ...
You're so fucking lazy.
XD
....oh man
the real reason Kakipi will never have sex:
He doesn't like to sweat.
a_foreffort: ...yes
changinchannels: ............Does Kakipi even MASTURBATE?
(....Ken does and if he accidentally thinks about Chrome when he does, he goes out and VICIOUSLY KILLS SHIT IN THE FOREST for an hour or so.)
a_foreffort: ....no I don't think so
changinchannels: ...
a_foreffort: he just goes take a cold shower if he gets hard
changinchannels: Kakipi your dick is broken.
a_foreffort: too much trouble .-.
no point .-.
changinchannels: GOD NO WONDER YOU'RE SO GRUMPY
ALL THAT SEMEN'S BACKED UP INTO YOUR BRAIN AND TAKEN OVER THE PART IN CHARGE OF YOUR ABILITY TO HAVE FUN
a_foreffort: ....
oi
changinchannels: s-seriously though HE'S GOTTA MASTURBATE AT LEAST EVERY ONCE AND AWHILE
a_foreffort: ....says who
changinchannels: because changing your sheets is more troublesome :|
SAYS THE BIOLOGY OF THE MALE BODY
a_foreffort: :/
changinchannels: *buys Kakipi a fleshlight.
a_foreffort: ...
what?
changinchannels: .......
g-google it
a_foreffort: ...wtf
changinchannels: |D
it's the least troublesome male sexual aid i could think of, okay.