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[changeling0203]

Just got a phone call from a former coworker at Top Dog. He wanted to get lunch with me tomorrow. I said I was busy. He's alright I guess. I just have no interest in dating right now. I don't really want to go on a date with someone I'm not excited about. Still, just noting it now because I still view getting flirted with/getting asked out as a

Comments

Awwwwww

[000sundancer000]

They say you should never accept a date the very next day. Say you're busy until at least four days later. You don't want to look desperate and you want to look like you have a lot going on. It makes you look more desirable if you can't accept the first offer right away. He didn't ask again for another day? I'm surprised. Either he gave up too quickly on you or all he wanted was just lunch together as friends. I can't imagine any guy giving up that easily unless he wasn't really all that interested in the first place.

Re: Awwwwww

[grumpydoctor]

you know that all your weird little rules for dating are dumb as hell, right?

Re: Awwwwww

[changeling0203]

I've heard of these rules before but I don't remember where. I think some of my cousins go by these, but they're also more traditional on that side of the family. But it's definitely something people do. I've never done well with rules like this, though. So I just disregard them. It feels more honest that way.

Plus, let's say I get asked out and I want to go but the guy set the day for tomorrow and I say, "Oh sorry! I have plans!" Then we're both sitting at home alone watching daytime television and eating Hot Pockets.

Re: Awwwwww

[mackelzinzie]

My perspective on these rules is that relationships are healthier if you don't drop everything and suddenly have your life revolving around a new stranger.

So I don't have a rule that I can't have a same day or next day date, but I have a rule that I have to be careful to evaluate what I want to be doing with my life, and make sure I am doing it. Which might mean intentionally making other plans.

Which maps really well onto the "don't be overly available idea." Conversely if someone is too available to me immediately, I consider that a red flag.

Re: Awwwwww

[changeling0203]

I think he took it as the rejection that it was. Or he just didn't care that much. Or it's just really scary asking someone out and he gave up at the first bump in the road (I've only asked someone out twice I think and it was terrifying both times even if both times it ended up working out in my favor). He told me to call him if I'm ever free. But I don't think I will. Maybe because it's the holidays and I've been busy and I like focusing on the people I already know, or maybe because I don't really know him at all, or maybe I just don't feel like dating right now, or maybe I just really want to get away from everything associated with Top Dog.

I never know what rules to follow and what rules to ignore or if I'm expected to follow any. If I want to hang out with someone they can call me up and say, "Coffee shop! Right now!" and I'll run out the door. I figure they already see me as desirable if they make the phone call in the first place.

Re: Awwwwww

[000sundancer000]

Honestly, you should make your OWN rules. I said "they say" in that comment above; it's not the protocol I actually follow. If Mat called and said, "May I come over right now?" I always said, "yes!" Then ran to do my makeup. I'm just saying that the standard rule to follow in all the dating books I've ever read is to keep him guessing, make him want you more by giving a chase and playing hard to get and not accepting right away. So men back in the day knew not to give up on the first "I'm busy" card played. These days, your typical man knows a lot about "easy women," because they are everywhere... in Cosmo magazine, in all the TV shows, etc. but men don't know very much about women of high class worth having. They don't read those books.