trying to get back in the habit of updating without there having to be a crisis.
Yes, see above. Because when I am old and gray and reading these entries in order to tell my grandchildren about what life was like in the 2000s, I will probably remember that time when A was sick, and I won't necessarily remember that time I studied so hard for my pharm final.
About A: She is out of the hospital as of today. She'll go the residential program in about a month; they've finally accepted her. She is getting very nervous about the whole thing. It's a little strange: she wasn't apparently afraid to die, but she is very scared about the idea of spending two to three months away from home. Poor baby. I think adolescence is like that to an extent...on one hand, you are making these really complex decisions, but on the other hand, you are still very much a kid in some ways and have very little life experience. She seems happy to be out. She was able to tell the doctor without prompting that she wants to live. I am so glad. And yet--I am so scared, because, although I knew that she was depressed, she called me the day before she tried to kill herself and sounded so normal, and didn't mention being depressed at all. So I just worry that she's so very fragile and I want to make sure that I'm able to tune into what's going on. For all that I do believe that my parents minimized her illness, I don't think that I would have done anything different on the day before she tried to kill herself based on what she was saying and how she was acting. I am just so scared it will happen again. Anyway, she called and wanted to know about the residential program. I tried to emphasize the good things about it, that the kids there will be more or less like her, and not drug addicts or foster kids with nowhere else to go. I explained that when I went to summer camp for two months when I was 14--not the same thing, I know, but I think similar enough--I spent the first three nights being tremendously homesick, but that it passed and I was able to get into being there at the camp. I just hope she won't get too much anticipatory anxiety and start getting depressed again.
About studying for the pharm final: I am a little mad at myself, because I'm really not getting enough done during the days. Today I did cut short my anticipated study time by one hour because a) I was losing my mind, and b) I wanted to see the boyfriend. I don't think this is really a case of boyfriend interfering with schoolwork. It's more of a case of I don't want to do schoolwork and have lost my ability to concentrate for many hours at a time on a bunch of minutiae. I feel like I know nothing.
About the boyfriend: I saw him this afternoon/evening. He was post-call, so he was very tired, and also not feeling well. So we went and bought him a zillion bottles of Gatorade so he can stay hydrated and go back to work tomorrow. We just hung out, watched TV, ate some of the leftovers that we (I will say we, because I did chop the potatoes and add them to the dish, and I also cooked the rice) cooked on Sunday. It was really nice; I was very happy to see him.
About working out: My workout was tons better today. I mean, I am always disgustingly sweaty and out of breath at the end, and this time was no exception. But I didn't feel dead like I did last time. Maybe it's just an off-and-on thing, and the point is that the trend of my being better at exercising is moving in the right direction? Hopefully. I just want to be fit...
That's all for this evening. I bore even myself. One week from right now, the pharm test will be over.
Chang
About A: She is out of the hospital as of today. She'll go the residential program in about a month; they've finally accepted her. She is getting very nervous about the whole thing. It's a little strange: she wasn't apparently afraid to die, but she is very scared about the idea of spending two to three months away from home. Poor baby. I think adolescence is like that to an extent...on one hand, you are making these really complex decisions, but on the other hand, you are still very much a kid in some ways and have very little life experience. She seems happy to be out. She was able to tell the doctor without prompting that she wants to live. I am so glad. And yet--I am so scared, because, although I knew that she was depressed, she called me the day before she tried to kill herself and sounded so normal, and didn't mention being depressed at all. So I just worry that she's so very fragile and I want to make sure that I'm able to tune into what's going on. For all that I do believe that my parents minimized her illness, I don't think that I would have done anything different on the day before she tried to kill herself based on what she was saying and how she was acting. I am just so scared it will happen again. Anyway, she called and wanted to know about the residential program. I tried to emphasize the good things about it, that the kids there will be more or less like her, and not drug addicts or foster kids with nowhere else to go. I explained that when I went to summer camp for two months when I was 14--not the same thing, I know, but I think similar enough--I spent the first three nights being tremendously homesick, but that it passed and I was able to get into being there at the camp. I just hope she won't get too much anticipatory anxiety and start getting depressed again.
About studying for the pharm final: I am a little mad at myself, because I'm really not getting enough done during the days. Today I did cut short my anticipated study time by one hour because a) I was losing my mind, and b) I wanted to see the boyfriend. I don't think this is really a case of boyfriend interfering with schoolwork. It's more of a case of I don't want to do schoolwork and have lost my ability to concentrate for many hours at a time on a bunch of minutiae. I feel like I know nothing.
About the boyfriend: I saw him this afternoon/evening. He was post-call, so he was very tired, and also not feeling well. So we went and bought him a zillion bottles of Gatorade so he can stay hydrated and go back to work tomorrow. We just hung out, watched TV, ate some of the leftovers that we (I will say we, because I did chop the potatoes and add them to the dish, and I also cooked the rice) cooked on Sunday. It was really nice; I was very happy to see him.
About working out: My workout was tons better today. I mean, I am always disgustingly sweaty and out of breath at the end, and this time was no exception. But I didn't feel dead like I did last time. Maybe it's just an off-and-on thing, and the point is that the trend of my being better at exercising is moving in the right direction? Hopefully. I just want to be fit...
That's all for this evening. I bore even myself. One week from right now, the pharm test will be over.
Chang