(no subject)
Life has been interesting. I've been finding out that a lot of people on this campus think I don't like them. Frankly, I hate that and wish I could say "I wonder why". But they have every reason to feel that way. The truth is, I don't hate anyone, not even the one who tainted the end of my college experience last semester. I've just been really out of it lately, livin' in my own world, and mostly hurting on the inside a lot. I don't want to. I've been trying to find joy by helping others and seeking the One who gives all joy...and it helps, but I'm not there yet. I walk right past people and have a blank look a lot, which is why people think I hate them...it's just that my cheerful self has taken a temporary hiatus. I wil be restored, but it will take time. I still cry every night when I go to bed because I can't help but think about my grandma. She's never going to be back on this earth and that thought opens a floodgate of tears every time it passes through my cluttered mind. I know that time heals. And I know that I'm not alone even though I feel like I have no one right now. I have wonderful friends. They just don't know what's going on right now so I feel like I'm without earthly love. But I shouldn't need that love when He is the one who provides the most complete love anyway. So from here on out I am going to fill myself with that: the most unconditional, pure and complete Love available. But like I said...it's going to take time, I know it. He's at work and I just need to be patient and let the Lord hold me in His arms...at least it's an embrace that I'm comfortable with.
On a different note, the chaplain's sermon today was like a breath of fresh air. He's doing a series on the Lords Prayer and today he spoke about holiness which was so wonderful. Chap (Kristen's nickname for the chaplain) talked about how we're created in the image of God and it's our duty to reflect that image. Church/chapel shouldn't be a Sunday "event" but a lifestyle to be lived throughout the week. Our purpose on this earth is to bring God glory at all times and sometimes (who am I lying) a lot of times we Christians don't do that. My morning quiet time was about that issue because I didn't know how to respond to my friends who haven't been reflecting the glory of God and are questioning me about my opinions of their actions. It was nice that the chaplain allowed God to speak to those people by providing the most appropriate explanation without me having to say a word. Amen to that.
I think my prayer this week is going to be for His joy; it has to be His because right now I have none. It's recruitment week and He knows I need joy (and patience) more than anything right now.
On a different note, the chaplain's sermon today was like a breath of fresh air. He's doing a series on the Lords Prayer and today he spoke about holiness which was so wonderful. Chap (Kristen's nickname for the chaplain) talked about how we're created in the image of God and it's our duty to reflect that image. Church/chapel shouldn't be a Sunday "event" but a lifestyle to be lived throughout the week. Our purpose on this earth is to bring God glory at all times and sometimes (who am I lying) a lot of times we Christians don't do that. My morning quiet time was about that issue because I didn't know how to respond to my friends who haven't been reflecting the glory of God and are questioning me about my opinions of their actions. It was nice that the chaplain allowed God to speak to those people by providing the most appropriate explanation without me having to say a word. Amen to that.
I think my prayer this week is going to be for His joy; it has to be His because right now I have none. It's recruitment week and He knows I need joy (and patience) more than anything right now.