Tensions, Schedules, Lunches, Kids and Rambles
Tensions, Schedules, Lunches, Kids and Rambles
Another Sunday afternoon, the coming week looms, the kids are back in school and summer retreats to memory with with growing rapidity like shafts of like braking the the clouds viewed in a car's mirrors.
Tensions and Shame
I can't deny that I've been on edge this week, with the wife going down south to see her mum over the summer and a bloody awful gas and electricity bill we took a bit of a hit according to the statement, this is combined with my wife still being on sick pay after 6 months. I can't deny that I'm as worried as hell and its showing. She feels can't return to her old post due to the health and safety risk presented by the reduced feeling in her left side. I'm struggling to empathise, and realise that this lack of empathy is darkening my mind set far too much. I wish I could stop worrying, but its been over two years since we had any nasty letters from the bank and we've kept on an even(ish) keel since then. I'm not proud of how I feel and realise that my frustration is off set with shame at my feelings. The missus has never been a domestically capable individual, I can live with that, but when she's at home doing bugger all except getting the kids off to school, while I'm at work. That does get under my skin. I can accept being the main one responsible for house work, shopping, cooking and DIY, but then she was at least contributing through her work.
With nagging from me she has worked on her C.V. But then complained that she had strained her wrist from the typing, I was less than sympathetic . Sorry but, to quote some or other female country singer “my give a damn was busted”.
One thing that I've learned that when your this pissed off, some times caring becomes a discipline, but one that can save your sanity and keep you going, so I do hug the wife and tell her I care, as much for my self as any thing else. I also fully realise that over the years she has had more than enough reason to divorce me or put me under the patio, I'm no saint to say the least. So when I get all indignant, its worth remembering that the current position is still better financially and emotionally than being separated. I also know that with the recession there are may families far worse off and under much more stress than mine.
Kids, Food and Were Was I?
When I get home after work being sociable is not the main thought, I don't mind sorting out dinner for the wife and my self, we tend to cook speparately for the kids during the week to avoid all the bloody winging over I don't like this or that. This doesn't stop my youngest, who is 9, from raiding the cupboards, the problem that on top of the normal range of shopping I also have to double up on various things when I shop as my wife has to have a gluten free diet. The youngest who has communication problems and social challenges, raided and polished off the wife's gluten free cakes. When she found out the wife went utterly bonkers, she didn't belt the kid, that achieves little and only breeds resentment but rattled the widows when she blew her top, the wife and I can have similar tempers. We always keep a large fruit bowel in the kitchen and in all fairness both our kids are fruit monsters, they know they don't have to ask to help them selves to fruit, but they have to ask for biscuits, crisps and yoghurt.
Any way before I got onto food, I was on the subject of coming home. I utterly loathe the soaps, dramas and reality TV shows my rest of my family loves. So the internet or my modelling table provide a welcome haven. It often feels that I can't get to the TV till 9 or 10 in the evening, by that time the wife has dozed off allowing me to watch the documentary channels. We do however find a common ground with NCIS, CSI and other crime dramas. I normally doze off on a sofa at around midnight or 1 am with the Crime or Investigation channels on, then I'll wake up at about 3 or 4 am and finally go to bed before my alarm goes off at 6.30, some times I'm woken up earlier if the wife wants to listen to the farming news on radio 4.
Its some ways its better when I have my normal raft of evening activities as I spend less time on line. Welsh classes will be back on Wednesday nights week after next. I'm glad its not Tuesday as it was in last academic year so I can get to the monthly meetings of Chester Model club. I think that Westland Wessex helicopter will beckon again when the Samurai are done.
Up a Ladder and Sunday Lunch
Today I had to cook Sunday lunch while repairing barge boards on the house, yes you can combine it just means regulatory heading back to the kitchen to check on the progress of the chicken casserole. This can't be taken for granted as the thermostat recently went tits up on the oven so the heating element tends to max out. Over the past 8years I've repaired the oven by replacing elements, switches and the such like at least 5 times, so I get the feeling it is by now due for replacement, as I tend to be loathe to ditch some thing until it is well and truly knackered, we'll just have to keep watching things until it finally blows.
In the case of the barge boards I originally thought that all I had to deal with was small hole, but when I checked it more closely I found that a whole section of timber was rotten. I ripped and chiselled out as much as I could the sealed up the wood with PVA glue, before panelling it over and painting the panels with PVA as well. When its dry I'll repaint the wood work. Now, I still have to do the washing up.
Work Front
Tuesday and Wednesday were very much focused on measurement and statistical analysis as anticipated. That was when people weren't chasing me over a myriad of other issues. One of the nice things about spending a decent block of time on my PC is that I can plug in my head phones and listen to radio 4, Women's Hour, The Archers and You and Yours tend to be the most welcome listening. This week I'll be testing some revised equipment on line. If this run goes badly, things could get a bit tricky, the off line tests mitigated a large(ish) portion of the risk, but as it is the process being tested is already a plan C option, after plans A and B were buggered by moving goal posts, plans D and E remain but hopefully won't be called upon. Beyond that my career will take a real battering if I have to write off half a millions quids worth of kit.
On Wednesday I had a run in with the health and safety manger over a new test facility I'm slowly bringing on line, due to its location, it now comes under his remit. When he started going on if engineer's had been trained to use equipment that they had developed, tested and written or revised manuals for. I damn near lost it. As it was, while I didn't hide how pissed off he had made me, I did have the sense to walk away before I lumped him. I was tempted to ask at Thursday mornings daily operations meeting, if nearly thumping the H&S manager counted as a near miss on the accident register.
A New Schedule
I'm going to have to rework my work schedule a bit for the next month or so as I will have to collect my youngest early from school twice a week to take her to a series of physio sessions. The wife cant drive so anything like this has always landed on me. I think this will stuff up Fridays as its normally a half day at work, at least it will mean some quiet catch up time in the office.
Gaming
Not much progress on the samurai this week, I have spent more time that I should online. Thursday I had good good game of Wings of War, a new guy had shown up at the wargames club, Wings of War has the advantage of very simple to learn and easy to get into so its a great game to welcome people to the club. On Saturday things were a bit interesting, a friend and my self had display and introduction stand for the Wargames club at what might be best described as a district Fair and Air show, (recent pics in my scrap book are from the event). I spent most of the day in a marquee for local charities and organisations. Standing by the two tables displaying an array of: figures, scenery, rules sets, games and reference books, explaining to passers by, that showed an interest, what table top war gaming is about and providing details of the club. When I could, I did get a chance to look along the flight line and see some of the displays. While I got there with my eldest kid in tow at around 8am the missus came along at about 1pm with the youngest, over all a pretty good day. But a bit tiring.
To Conclude
Well its been bit of a ramble, but this blog has helped me to work through some of what's on my mind and clarify what's up ahead. So on Multiply and Live Journal. I'll bid all my friends across: nation, ocean and ether a safe sane and peaceful week. Take care and hold close those that matter most, no matter what.
Chancer