(no subject)
So, not so great at journaling everyday, but trying not to beat myself up about what I am not doing and celebrating what I am doing.
I didn't sleep last night. Not sure why. My mind just would not relax enough. I managed to watch a number of really great movies on Amazon Prime to keep me busy. The matchmaker documentary was truly fascinating. My ability to keep up without reading the subtitles was not as good as I would have liked, but not so awful.
Yesterday I would chalk up to a relatively good day, Although I did not get up as early as I would have liked, I did get up, get ready for my meeting, and felt quite appreciated after the meeting. After feeling thrown aside for the last couple of months, it was good to feel heard. On many levels, it still hurts that I had to be the proactive one to reach out and announce that I have the training, expeirence and knowledge to contribute to the current work situation. I think there has been such reminiscinece of my previous job, of the planning and talking that goes on with others that affect my life, but exclude me from the conversation. Decisions that ultimately changed my life (even if for the better) came about through clear planning, plotting, and scheming by others with unscrupulous intentions.
I like to work as a team. I connect, reach out, and try to include others. I try to cc others on emails so they are aware of things that are being planned and organized. To receive emails only to find long chains that I was never originally included on which would have been basic respect is hurtful. It is more than just forgetfulness. To claim to care about how this change will affect me and the not include me in the planning behind these changes hurts. But after this call, I think it was made clear that my intentions are not for the safety and security of my own job. But rather my commitment to the development of what I believed in - the program I work for. Others finally saw the value of my insight and experience and realized that I do have important information that can add to the process.
Beyond this, I was able to work on the front lamp post. These things used to scare the daylights out of me. The discovery of the unknown would prevent me from even tinkering. Now, I headed out, having looked up a few thoughts on Google, to see about fixing the nonworking light. I made my child shadow me. My father never brought me along on these types of activities as they were clearly things for the men and boys of our family. My daughter would never ask to know or understand these things, but also has not had reason to need to know this information. But also was not opposed to the experience. It felt good to do the project together. To not do it as a means of feminism, of showing what women could do, but simply here is a problem and we are capable individuals able to solve that problem. Of course, in the end, it didn't fix the problem, but did clearly identify where the issue was. The only solution, was to purchase a replacement part, which is not on this week's agenda.
Also, this week, I have spent much time with my oldest. Just "co-habitating" in the family room while they play a game and I play on my laptop, watch a move, check email, whatever, we have been together more. Also, now that they have completed their chemistry class, they are enrolled in online PE and psychology. PE requires 30 minutes of excercise daily. We have been doing Just Dance 4 together - OUCH! I am beyond out of shape, but it is definitely fun.
Lastly, I have started a puzzle. I looked at Walmart while we were picking up the garden supplies for the middle child, but the puzzle shelves were barren, save the 3-D crystal puzzles. Definitely not my style! Yet, I found a really cool 750 piece puzzle on the shelf in the family room that was given to the middle child one Hanukkah. Pieces are small, detail is insane, but I was able to get the frame done and in two days, accomplished a significant portion of the puzzle. It is one of those simple things where you can immediately see the effects of your progress. As daunting as this puzzle can be, working on specific areas, I have managed to complete a few areas that provide great satisfaction. Once finished, my middle child hopes to have it glued and framed.
Although I am going on about 2 hours of sleep, I am committed to a full day today. Starting at 9:30 AM this morning, checking email, creating lists of to dos,, including doing my journaling, getting kids up, motivationg the hubby, I am well on my way to another productive day. . . . I hope.