More links: Judaism and polyamory
It occurred to me that I really should have started off my previous collection of links with the very basics, since this is a pretty radical (not to say unthinkable) concept to many of my lurking readers, particularly family members. *waves*
I recommend starting here on the alt.polyamory FAQ:
http://www.faqs.org/faqs/polyamory/faq/section-2.html
Kamela wrote a lovely philosophical column last week about "the way polyamory done well allows for the beautiful, organic unfolding of each relationship on its own merits":
http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-20570-Boston-Open-Relationships-Examiner~y2009m11d6-Polyamory-a-path-to-unique-intimacy
A few of the links below come from this recent polymedia roundup: http://alan7388.livejournal.com/8097.html
CNN treats polyamory as a real and significant alternative to monogamy:
http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/10/28/monogamy.realistic.today/index.html
The author of the aforementioned Newsweek online article this summer followed it up with a blog post on "The Feminist Roots of Polyamory":
http://www.doublex.com/blog/xxfactor/feminist-roots-polyamory
Along similar lines, by way of minerva42: "Nonmonogamy and the Double Standard":
"In short, there’s a lot of brainwashing going on here. Nonmonogamy is coded as masculine, and monogamy is coded as feminine. The culture is desperately pushing this particular double standard onto us, but the push is mostly failing to change people’s actual behavior. The double standard exists for a reason: it is there to convince us to behave in a certain idealized manner, namely for women to always be chaste and monogamous, and for men to have sex with as many people as possible."
http://freaksexual.wordpress.com/2007/07/20/nonmonogamy-and-the-double-standard/
Also from 2007, an article in the Huffington Post made "The Case for Open Relationships":
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rachel-kramer-bussel/the-case-for-open-relatio_b_76016.html
But I have also encountered some questioning along the lines of "What does YOUR PRECIOUS RELIGION say about this LIFESTYLE?" It's a fair question, and not an easy one.
There is some assertion generally that "poly is the new gay", and this is at least equally true in a Jewish context. "But it's forbidden as perversion!" Well, for homosexuality, yes and no. Yeah, in Orthodox circles the party line against homosexuality is likely to hold sway for a good long time yet, and the frum-and-gay population is still struggling mightily (but, I would say, fruitfully -- if not in terms of impact on The Establishment, at least there's interesting and fertile stuff happening on the, as it were, fringes). But Reform Judaism is perfectly willing to ordain gay and lesbian clergy, solemnize same-sex marriages, and generally affirm the validity of these relationship paths and family structures. Conservative Judaism is, as ever, caught somewhere between these two positions, but that's a larger topic than I'm going to get into right here and now.
Anyway, back to polyamory. So where does that leave someone who is committed to Judaism and also identifies as poly? It's apparently tempting to some to assert that "those people don't exist" -- and even "by definition can't exist because the latter negates the former" -- but, in a word, no.
From Jewcy.com: Jewish Mythbusters: Jews Don’t Do Polygamy (Or do they?)
http://www.jewcy.com/post/jewish_mythbusters_jews_don_t_do_polygamy
From HEEB Magazine: "The Loves That Dare Not Speak Their Names: The World of Polyamorous Jews"
http://www.heebmagazine.com/articles/view/27
From the rather more well respected Tikkun Magazine: "Monogamy, Polyamory, and Beyond":
http://www.tikkun.org/article.php/Ferrer-monogamy-polyamory-and-beyond
And it even made an advice column in the venerable Jewish Daily Forward: "Help! My Daughter Is Seeking an 'Open' Marriage"
http://blogs.forward.com/the-bintel-brief/109404/
Lastly, there's a mailing list for polyamorous Jews called AhavaRaba (the Hebrew is commonly translated as "great love", but raba has somewhat more of a connotation of muchness, of multiplicity). Those interested in subscribing can do so here (the nice human moderator will follow up with an email in order to vet you for subscription); once you're subscribed, you can also peruse the archives. A couple of Camberville and other Boston-area folks are on it. I think there should be more. :-)
I recommend starting here on the alt.polyamory FAQ:
http://www.faqs.org/faqs/polyamory/faq/section-2.html
Kamela wrote a lovely philosophical column last week about "the way polyamory done well allows for the beautiful, organic unfolding of each relationship on its own merits":
http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-20570-Boston-Open-Relationships-Examiner~y2009m11d6-Polyamory-a-path-to-unique-intimacy
A few of the links below come from this recent polymedia roundup: http://alan7388.livejournal.com/8097.html
CNN treats polyamory as a real and significant alternative to monogamy:
http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/10/28/monogamy.realistic.today/index.html
The author of the aforementioned Newsweek online article this summer followed it up with a blog post on "The Feminist Roots of Polyamory":
http://www.doublex.com/blog/xxfactor/feminist-roots-polyamory
Along similar lines, by way of minerva42: "Nonmonogamy and the Double Standard":
"In short, there’s a lot of brainwashing going on here. Nonmonogamy is coded as masculine, and monogamy is coded as feminine. The culture is desperately pushing this particular double standard onto us, but the push is mostly failing to change people’s actual behavior. The double standard exists for a reason: it is there to convince us to behave in a certain idealized manner, namely for women to always be chaste and monogamous, and for men to have sex with as many people as possible."
http://freaksexual.wordpress.com/2007/07/20/nonmonogamy-and-the-double-standard/
Also from 2007, an article in the Huffington Post made "The Case for Open Relationships":
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rachel-kramer-bussel/the-case-for-open-relatio_b_76016.html
But I have also encountered some questioning along the lines of "What does YOUR PRECIOUS RELIGION say about this LIFESTYLE?" It's a fair question, and not an easy one.
There is some assertion generally that "poly is the new gay", and this is at least equally true in a Jewish context. "But it's forbidden as perversion!" Well, for homosexuality, yes and no. Yeah, in Orthodox circles the party line against homosexuality is likely to hold sway for a good long time yet, and the frum-and-gay population is still struggling mightily (but, I would say, fruitfully -- if not in terms of impact on The Establishment, at least there's interesting and fertile stuff happening on the, as it were, fringes). But Reform Judaism is perfectly willing to ordain gay and lesbian clergy, solemnize same-sex marriages, and generally affirm the validity of these relationship paths and family structures. Conservative Judaism is, as ever, caught somewhere between these two positions, but that's a larger topic than I'm going to get into right here and now.
Anyway, back to polyamory. So where does that leave someone who is committed to Judaism and also identifies as poly? It's apparently tempting to some to assert that "those people don't exist" -- and even "by definition can't exist because the latter negates the former" -- but, in a word, no.
From Jewcy.com: Jewish Mythbusters: Jews Don’t Do Polygamy (Or do they?)
http://www.jewcy.com/post/jewish_mythbusters_jews_don_t_do_polygamy
From HEEB Magazine: "The Loves That Dare Not Speak Their Names: The World of Polyamorous Jews"
http://www.heebmagazine.com/articles/view/27
From the rather more well respected Tikkun Magazine: "Monogamy, Polyamory, and Beyond":
http://www.tikkun.org/article.php/Ferrer-monogamy-polyamory-and-beyond
And it even made an advice column in the venerable Jewish Daily Forward: "Help! My Daughter Is Seeking an 'Open' Marriage"
http://blogs.forward.com/the-bintel-brief/109404/
Lastly, there's a mailing list for polyamorous Jews called AhavaRaba (the Hebrew is commonly translated as "great love", but raba has somewhat more of a connotation of muchness, of multiplicity). Those interested in subscribing can do so here (the nice human moderator will follow up with an email in order to vet you for subscription); once you're subscribed, you can also peruse the archives. A couple of Camberville and other Boston-area folks are on it. I think there should be more. :-)