why, hello there.
it's been 17 weeks since i wrote in here. i wanted to keep this journal until i got rid of all my invite codes. i've done that, but still can't delete this for some reason. it's too cute. i love the color scheme, & all the user pictures. i love reading my old entries, started almost two years ago, because i'm not that person anymore, & don't want to forget what i was like so i know what to be & not to be in the future. life has changed for the better, but if i don't remember how it used to be, i'll fall back in & won't be able to get out. i wish forgetting people was as easy as forgetting journal entries -- that would make my life a hell of a lot more centered on forward than usual.
i probably haven't talked to any of you who still list me as a friend in a while (except 2 of you who are listed on my new journal), & i'm sure we all know the reasons as to why. & even if we don't, it has never really mattered. real life above reigns above all, & how many of you have ever been interested in that aspect? it's all gravy. most of the people that were on my other journal before this one, & maybe some on this journal as well, i'm actually glad to have them out of my life because i tried so hard to make that so. yet another victory in this conflict called my internet life.
i just woke up, it's just hitting 9 am. my back & my head hurt. it's cold in my room, i like it that way. i'd like to paint a mural today, a small one. i'll do that. i want to give all my winter coats away because they're too big for me now. i want to finish reading a great biography that i recently started. i really want to cut & wash my hair so that i can dye it this weekend. i really want friends to come over & watch films with me [last night was a great one about garcia lorca], laugh & cry & share tofurky with me. i want to go buy more records. i want to live, love, & die laughing.
but i'm through with wants -- a big part of my life that's changed. it's about what i will do, what will happen. only part of that list will, & i have to concentrate on those parts rather than linger in speculation on the others. that's what most of my tired life has been about, up until a few months ago where i got fed up with everything & everyone & changed things to what i needed them to be right now. i'm doing things these days that i could have never imagined a year ago. that makes me glad to be alive. my present is so much better than my past, & i have a lot to look forward to, as well. i know i will go see nyc avant garde films next week, i'm excited about that, & i know that i'm becoming the person i've always known myself to be underneath it all. that's entirely too exciting.
what are you all excited about, looking forward to, up to these days?
i probably haven't talked to any of you who still list me as a friend in a while (except 2 of you who are listed on my new journal), & i'm sure we all know the reasons as to why. & even if we don't, it has never really mattered. real life above reigns above all, & how many of you have ever been interested in that aspect? it's all gravy. most of the people that were on my other journal before this one, & maybe some on this journal as well, i'm actually glad to have them out of my life because i tried so hard to make that so. yet another victory in this conflict called my internet life.
i just woke up, it's just hitting 9 am. my back & my head hurt. it's cold in my room, i like it that way. i'd like to paint a mural today, a small one. i'll do that. i want to give all my winter coats away because they're too big for me now. i want to finish reading a great biography that i recently started. i really want to cut & wash my hair so that i can dye it this weekend. i really want friends to come over & watch films with me [last night was a great one about garcia lorca], laugh & cry & share tofurky with me. i want to go buy more records. i want to live, love, & die laughing.
but i'm through with wants -- a big part of my life that's changed. it's about what i will do, what will happen. only part of that list will, & i have to concentrate on those parts rather than linger in speculation on the others. that's what most of my tired life has been about, up until a few months ago where i got fed up with everything & everyone & changed things to what i needed them to be right now. i'm doing things these days that i could have never imagined a year ago. that makes me glad to be alive. my present is so much better than my past, & i have a lot to look forward to, as well. i know i will go see nyc avant garde films next week, i'm excited about that, & i know that i'm becoming the person i've always known myself to be underneath it all. that's entirely too exciting.
what are you all excited about, looking forward to, up to these days?