hello all
So its been a long time. lets see, I'm finnally enrolled in college and start in september, taking 2 classes in the morning.. been playing star ocean until the end of time, good game on the ps2 although I think I like the first one more. My exbox isnt working. grumble... sarah and I are going well, and are happy. we didnt get so see each other erlyer today (sad) but cant wait until we get go go to the roadeo en tire weekend to hang out right on. she wants to camp out in her grandmothers back yard, but I think I'll convince her to stay indoors. well I guess I'll try a few quizes and drop a few jokes down. EVERYONE DROPS SOEM JOKES DOWN ON A POST HERE THANKS!!!
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Q: What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.
Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-air
Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.
Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.
Q: Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers?
A: They can't keep their calves together!
Q: How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!
Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.
Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.
Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade.
Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
Q: Why are blonde's coffins Y-shaped?
A: Because as soon as they are on their backs, their legs open.
Q: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?
A: She heard that the drinks were on the house.
Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A: It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?
A: When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around for two weeks whining.
Q: What is foreplay for a blonde?
A: Thirty minutes of begging.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?
A: You need a quarter to use the phone.
Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
A: They've both swallowed a lot of semen.
Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?
A "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."
Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.
Q: How does the blond turn on the light after she has had sex?
A: She opens the car door.
Q: How does a blonde get pregnant?
A: And I thought blondes were dumb!
Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
Q: How does a blonde high-5?
A: She smacks herself in the forehead.
Q: What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde?
A: One's a fony buck.
Q: What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician?
A: A magician has a cunning array of stunts.
Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
A: One that never misses a period.
Q: What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
A: An Italian suppository.
Q: What does a blond say during a porno?
A: There I am!
Q: What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
A: Her feet!
Q: How can you tell when a blonde is wearing pantyhose?
A: When she farts, her knees bag.
Q: What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?
A: Marriage.
Q: How is a blonde like a frying pan?
A: You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.
Q: How do you describe the perfect blonde?
A: 3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel.
Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.
Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.
Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
Q: How can you tell a blonde had a bad day?
A: Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what she did with her cigarette.
Q: What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
A: Way to go team!
Q: How can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator?
A: By the chipped tooth.
Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)
Q: How do you keep a blonde busy?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
Q: Why do blondes have vaginas?
A: So guys will talk to them at parties.
Q: What does a blonde answer to the question "Are you sexually active?"
A: "No, I just lie there."
Q: What's the first thing a blonde says in the morning?
A: "Thanks, guys..."
Q: What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of the pool?
A: Air pockets.
Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
A: "Space. The final frontier......"
Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.
Q: How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs?
A: She fell out of the tree.
Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
A: One.
Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ?
A: She didn't know what ONE came first...
Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
A: Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer!
Q: How is a blonde like a postage stamp?
A: You lick'm, stick'em, and send'em on their way.
How blonde was she?? She was soooooooooooooo blonde...
... she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
... she thought a quarterback was a refund.
... she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order
... she thought Boyz II Men was a day-care center.
... she thought Eartha Kitt was a set of garden tools.
... she thought General Motors was in the Army.
... she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
... she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
... under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics".
... she tried to drown a fish.
... she tripped over a cordless phone.
... she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it
said "concentrate".
... she got stabbed in a shoot-out.
... she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DONT WALK".
... they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.
... at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here," she put "Sagittarius".
... she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
... it takes her two hours to watch "60 Minutes".
... she studied for a blood test-and failed.
... she thought she needed a token to get on "Soul Train".
... she sold the car for gas money.
... when she saw the movie rating "NC-17: under 17 not admitted", she went home and got 16 friends.
... when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
... she thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.
... when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
... when she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left", she turned around and went home.
... she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
One morning this blonde calls her friend and says "Please come over and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to start it." Her friend asks "What is it a puzzle of?" The blonde says "From the picture on the box, it's a tiger." The blonde's friend figures that he's pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She lets him in the door and shows him to where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then studies the box. He then turns to her and says: "First, no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger." "Second, I'd advise you to relax, have a cup of coffee, and put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."
Two guys walk into a bar. The first guy says, "Hey check out the blond over there. I bet she's really hot in bed!" He procedes to go over and makes small talk with her. Before long they both leave for a one nighter. The next day, the second guy goes over to the same blond, pinches her in the rear and were off for a quickie. Fifteen minutes later, the second guy comes back and compares notes with the first guy. The first guy says, "I think my wife is better." The second guys nods his head and says, "Yeh, your wife is better too!"
After many hours of extremely acrobatic and exhausting sex with a blonde he had just picked up, a man goes into the kitchen for some food to replenish his just-spent energy. He pours himself a glass of milk and right before drinking it, he realizes his manhood is still pretty hot, so he sticks it in the glass to cool it off. Just then the blonde walks in and says, "Oh, I always wondered how you refilled those."
There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.
The blondes revenge:
WHAT'S BLACK AND BLUE AND BROWN AND LAYING IN A DITCH?
A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes.
WHAT DO YOU CALL GOING ON A BLIND DATE WITH A BRUNETTE?
Brown-bagging it.
WHAT'S THE REAL REASON A BRUNETTE KEEPS HER FIGURE?
No one else wants it.
WHY ARE SO MANY BLONDE JOKES ONE-LINERS?
So brunettes can remember them.
WHAT DO YOU CALL A BRUNETTE IN A ROOM FULL OF BLONDES?
Invisible.
WHAT'S A BRUNETTE'S MATING CALL?
"Has the blonde left yet? "
WHY DIDN'T INDIANS SCALP BRUNETTES?
The hair from a buffalo's butt was more manageable.
WHY IS THE BRUNETTE CONSIDERED AN EVIL COLOR?
When was the last time you saw a blonde witch?
WHAT DO BRUNETTES MISS MOST ABOUT A GREAT PARTY?
The invitation
WHAT DO YOU CALL A GOOD LOOKING MAN WITH A BRUNETTE?
A hostage
WHO MAKES BRAS FOR BRUNETTES?
Fisher-Price
WHY ARE BRUNETTES SO PROUD OF THEIR HAIR?
It matches their mustache.
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Q: What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.
Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-air
Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.
Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.
Q: Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers?
A: They can't keep their calves together!
Q: How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!
Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.
Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.
Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade.
Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
Q: Why are blonde's coffins Y-shaped?
A: Because as soon as they are on their backs, their legs open.
Q: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?
A: She heard that the drinks were on the house.
Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A: It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?
A: When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around for two weeks whining.
Q: What is foreplay for a blonde?
A: Thirty minutes of begging.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?
A: You need a quarter to use the phone.
Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
A: They've both swallowed a lot of semen.
Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?
A "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."
Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.
Q: How does the blond turn on the light after she has had sex?
A: She opens the car door.
Q: How does a blonde get pregnant?
A: And I thought blondes were dumb!
Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
Q: How does a blonde high-5?
A: She smacks herself in the forehead.
Q: What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde?
A: One's a fony buck.
Q: What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician?
A: A magician has a cunning array of stunts.
Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
A: One that never misses a period.
Q: What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
A: An Italian suppository.
Q: What does a blond say during a porno?
A: There I am!
Q: What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
A: Her feet!
Q: How can you tell when a blonde is wearing pantyhose?
A: When she farts, her knees bag.
Q: What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?
A: Marriage.
Q: How is a blonde like a frying pan?
A: You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.
Q: How do you describe the perfect blonde?
A: 3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel.
Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.
Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.
Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
Q: How can you tell a blonde had a bad day?
A: Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what she did with her cigarette.
Q: What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
A: Way to go team!
Q: How can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator?
A: By the chipped tooth.
Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)
Q: How do you keep a blonde busy?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
Q: Why do blondes have vaginas?
A: So guys will talk to them at parties.
Q: What does a blonde answer to the question "Are you sexually active?"
A: "No, I just lie there."
Q: What's the first thing a blonde says in the morning?
A: "Thanks, guys..."
Q: What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of the pool?
A: Air pockets.
Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
A: "Space. The final frontier......"
Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.
Q: How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs?
A: She fell out of the tree.
Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
A: One.
Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ?
A: She didn't know what ONE came first...
Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
A: Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer!
Q: How is a blonde like a postage stamp?
A: You lick'm, stick'em, and send'em on their way.
How blonde was she?? She was soooooooooooooo blonde...
... she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
... she thought a quarterback was a refund.
... she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order
... she thought Boyz II Men was a day-care center.
... she thought Eartha Kitt was a set of garden tools.
... she thought General Motors was in the Army.
... she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
... she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
... under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics".
... she tried to drown a fish.
... she tripped over a cordless phone.
... she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it
said "concentrate".
... she got stabbed in a shoot-out.
... she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DONT WALK".
... they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.
... at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here," she put "Sagittarius".
... she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
... it takes her two hours to watch "60 Minutes".
... she studied for a blood test-and failed.
... she thought she needed a token to get on "Soul Train".
... she sold the car for gas money.
... when she saw the movie rating "NC-17: under 17 not admitted", she went home and got 16 friends.
... when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
... she thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.
... when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
... when she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left", she turned around and went home.
... she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
One morning this blonde calls her friend and says "Please come over and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to start it." Her friend asks "What is it a puzzle of?" The blonde says "From the picture on the box, it's a tiger." The blonde's friend figures that he's pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She lets him in the door and shows him to where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then studies the box. He then turns to her and says: "First, no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger." "Second, I'd advise you to relax, have a cup of coffee, and put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."
Two guys walk into a bar. The first guy says, "Hey check out the blond over there. I bet she's really hot in bed!" He procedes to go over and makes small talk with her. Before long they both leave for a one nighter. The next day, the second guy goes over to the same blond, pinches her in the rear and were off for a quickie. Fifteen minutes later, the second guy comes back and compares notes with the first guy. The first guy says, "I think my wife is better." The second guys nods his head and says, "Yeh, your wife is better too!"
After many hours of extremely acrobatic and exhausting sex with a blonde he had just picked up, a man goes into the kitchen for some food to replenish his just-spent energy. He pours himself a glass of milk and right before drinking it, he realizes his manhood is still pretty hot, so he sticks it in the glass to cool it off. Just then the blonde walks in and says, "Oh, I always wondered how you refilled those."
There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.
The blondes revenge:
WHAT'S BLACK AND BLUE AND BROWN AND LAYING IN A DITCH?
A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes.
WHAT DO YOU CALL GOING ON A BLIND DATE WITH A BRUNETTE?
Brown-bagging it.
WHAT'S THE REAL REASON A BRUNETTE KEEPS HER FIGURE?
No one else wants it.
WHY ARE SO MANY BLONDE JOKES ONE-LINERS?
So brunettes can remember them.
WHAT DO YOU CALL A BRUNETTE IN A ROOM FULL OF BLONDES?
Invisible.
WHAT'S A BRUNETTE'S MATING CALL?
"Has the blonde left yet? "
WHY DIDN'T INDIANS SCALP BRUNETTES?
The hair from a buffalo's butt was more manageable.
WHY IS THE BRUNETTE CONSIDERED AN EVIL COLOR?
When was the last time you saw a blonde witch?
WHAT DO BRUNETTES MISS MOST ABOUT A GREAT PARTY?
The invitation
WHAT DO YOU CALL A GOOD LOOKING MAN WITH A BRUNETTE?
A hostage
WHO MAKES BRAS FOR BRUNETTES?
Fisher-Price
WHY ARE BRUNETTES SO PROUD OF THEIR HAIR?
It matches their mustache.