(no subject)
I’ve got to get out of here. I’ve got to break away.
Family… I’m different from them. I’m not a mechanical psychological system driven by ambition and instincts. I am an ungoverned natural phenomenon, often not-so-falsely mistaken for beauty. I don’t have expectations from life, I don’t believe in good and bad, I only believe in desirable and repulsive. They have expectations from me, under the cover of the word “good”. Then you can say things like “good intentions”, but really it’s just what they want. I want freedom - literally; without even a generic blueprint of how to live. I don’t want to be a standard life form, a part of a system, a unit of a society; it doesn’t make our existence any more purposeful then it is now, only less beautiful and therefore individually painful. I don’t orbit, I drift and often crash through. In this world I’m insoluble.
I am given very little choice. It is my last resort. I am mobilized, egoistic; prepared to manipulate and deceive. These lies are the last promises they will receive from me, I won’t hold back an inch.
If I get back, I’ll try to graduate early and then leave my parents. If anyone in northern or southern California has a few square feet to rent out, let me know. Oh, and if anyone anywhere has a few inches of her heart to break for me… (next entry)
Family… I’m different from them. I’m not a mechanical psychological system driven by ambition and instincts. I am an ungoverned natural phenomenon, often not-so-falsely mistaken for beauty. I don’t have expectations from life, I don’t believe in good and bad, I only believe in desirable and repulsive. They have expectations from me, under the cover of the word “good”. Then you can say things like “good intentions”, but really it’s just what they want. I want freedom - literally; without even a generic blueprint of how to live. I don’t want to be a standard life form, a part of a system, a unit of a society; it doesn’t make our existence any more purposeful then it is now, only less beautiful and therefore individually painful. I don’t orbit, I drift and often crash through. In this world I’m insoluble.
I am given very little choice. It is my last resort. I am mobilized, egoistic; prepared to manipulate and deceive. These lies are the last promises they will receive from me, I won’t hold back an inch.
If I get back, I’ll try to graduate early and then leave my parents. If anyone in northern or southern California has a few square feet to rent out, let me know. Oh, and if anyone anywhere has a few inches of her heart to break for me… (next entry)