comments on the story below
Looking for criticisms. If anyone can help, please comment. Any assistance in developing my style and story telling abilities is greatly appreciated. Grammar corrections obviously will help as well.
Do you think the love for Lucy is underplayed? I do. This is his real drive yet there are no experiences that he recalls that really show the reader how much love he feels for this girl. hmmm.
The other thing is that I have a bad habit, when writing in first person, to focus on me and my movements. This is a bad habit that I developed when trying to write a screenplay. Relaying a vision for cinimatic recreation versus something that allows the mind's imagination to create the balance becomes a fine line.
If you can't tell, these are all represented by people that are in my life. They are all people that are very special to me in one way or another.
I mentioned that the next thing that these characters were going to do was get high. Someone said to me "Your going to get high with a 13 year old!!"
That's funny if you think about it. The character has no age. These characters are all representing a quality in my own and maybe other's minds. The muse, The guardian of desires and dreams, The Witch of Despair, and all the other demons and characters that inhibit us from acheiving what we want.
Please comment with links to your stuff.
Thanks!
Do you think the love for Lucy is underplayed? I do. This is his real drive yet there are no experiences that he recalls that really show the reader how much love he feels for this girl. hmmm.
The other thing is that I have a bad habit, when writing in first person, to focus on me and my movements. This is a bad habit that I developed when trying to write a screenplay. Relaying a vision for cinimatic recreation versus something that allows the mind's imagination to create the balance becomes a fine line.
If you can't tell, these are all represented by people that are in my life. They are all people that are very special to me in one way or another.
I mentioned that the next thing that these characters were going to do was get high. Someone said to me "Your going to get high with a 13 year old!!"
That's funny if you think about it. The character has no age. These characters are all representing a quality in my own and maybe other's minds. The muse, The guardian of desires and dreams, The Witch of Despair, and all the other demons and characters that inhibit us from acheiving what we want.
Please comment with links to your stuff.
Thanks!