I know he's not open with his personal feelings, I realize that. I just wish he would've told me his thoughts on our future. I realize I talked wistfully of plans I'd love to happen.. I told him I was fine with the separation, though it took me a little while to get used to it. I know he was overwhelmed with my emotions, he never knew what to do.. That's my fault. Sometimes I would try to push him to try and make me feel better, and I shouldn't have just done that. I'm just a little sad and disappointed that it took me a couple of years to figure that one out...
I had this thing, where I would ask Ryan to tell me if my progress was getting better. I was trying to recover from my silly depression I had in the middle of our relationship, and I was getting happier. I was proud that I had made so much progress and was turning into a better girlfriend... He had told me Friday that I had done really good, that I didn't get silly upset at all. And I was happy..
However, he himself was not sure if the relationship was plausible in the long run. He had told me often enough that it was possible we'd be together even after college. But leaving him.. In what context? A long-distance relationship was fine by me, I wasn't going to put up a fuss because he had to go do something. I might complain a little bit, but everyone does. If he wanted to take a break to date other people.. to see how it would turn out.. he could have told me that too. He hadn't been afraid to tell me his thoughts before, whether it hurt me or not.. Well, actually, with a little prompting to know what his thoughts were.. I guess he might have been a little afraid.
He says that we've only met 1/4th of the people in our lives, and he believes in soul mates, the only romantical thing he believes in, so he says himself. He thinks that he's probably going to find his in college or afterwords, but what if I was the soul mate? I know he wasn't happy.. But this.. This has taught me to hold his happiness over my own. I shouldn't have slipped into being such a selfish creature.
I've always loved him.. since 7th grade, I have loved him. I tried to get over him then, when I had almost absolutely no hope of going out with him. It didn't work. I was ecstatic when we did start, when he agreed to go out with me. I should have kept that happiness, I shouldn't have slipped into any sort of depression. I shouldn't have... After finally having him, finally being able to love him to the fullest, I don't think I can get over him again. If I couldn't before I had him, I have less of a chance after.
Life hasn't proved itself to get better for me except for once. And that was when Ryan agreed to go out with me.
*snort* Find faults in your own life. Stop criticizing others for their different views. That makes you the real failure if you can't fix your own life.
I had this thing, where I would ask Ryan to tell me if my progress was getting better. I was trying to recover from my silly depression I had in the middle of our relationship, and I was getting happier. I was proud that I had made so much progress and was turning into a better girlfriend... He had told me Friday that I had done really good, that I didn't get silly upset at all. And I was happy..
However, he himself was not sure if the relationship was plausible in the long run. He had told me often enough that it was possible we'd be together even after college. But leaving him.. In what context? A long-distance relationship was fine by me, I wasn't going to put up a fuss because he had to go do something. I might complain a little bit, but everyone does. If he wanted to take a break to date other people.. to see how it would turn out.. he could have told me that too. He hadn't been afraid to tell me his thoughts before, whether it hurt me or not.. Well, actually, with a little prompting to know what his thoughts were.. I guess he might have been a little afraid.
He says that we've only met 1/4th of the people in our lives, and he believes in soul mates, the only romantical thing he believes in, so he says himself. He thinks that he's probably going to find his in college or afterwords, but what if I was the soul mate? I know he wasn't happy.. But this.. This has taught me to hold his happiness over my own. I shouldn't have slipped into being such a selfish creature.
I've always loved him.. since 7th grade, I have loved him. I tried to get over him then, when I had almost absolutely no hope of going out with him. It didn't work. I was ecstatic when we did start, when he agreed to go out with me. I should have kept that happiness, I shouldn't have slipped into any sort of depression. I shouldn't have... After finally having him, finally being able to love him to the fullest, I don't think I can get over him again. If I couldn't before I had him, I have less of a chance after.
Life hasn't proved itself to get better for me except for once. And that was when Ryan agreed to go out with me.
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seriously
You are a failure of life.
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