Chaos
Don ran away.
I don't know why. I keep trying not to think about how he may be lying dead in a ditch somewhere. Arms slashed open...head full of chemicals. You fell so lonely when the only thing keeping you company are the thoughts bouncing off the back of your skull. No communication ties. No where to empty my sick thoughts but the desolate wasteland of the computer screen. I am killing myself. Slowly but surely. Having random sex, denying my body of the vitamins it needs, Wasting away. Crazy Alex has taken over...Alex is never coming back. You lost her. I am a sick freak. I drive people away with my sick thoughts. People think blood and mutilation are works of the devil. They are works that give me pleasure. Pain=Pleasure. "Take your pills and go to sleep" a phrase I will steal from Justin. I take 9 pills, soon to be 10 pills a day. Help me. Save me from myself. I just want to sleep forever...stay in a dream where no one can hurt me. You can't die in your dreams. No one can touch you unless you want them to. "She breaks just like a little girl" -Bob Dylan. I curl up in a little ball protecting myself from the things that want to get me. How can I protect myself from something that inside me head? I listen to music to reflect what I feel. Lately I haven't been able to find music angry enough for my needs. I am listening yo Pink Floyd right now. They are my crazy outlet. They put my feelings into words that I cannot speak. Mental Illness is like when you are wearing a blindfold and then someone takes it off and you see all the ugly things in the world for what they really are. That is what drives people mad. I hate thinking I am the one with the problem. Why can't it be everyone else's problem and not just me alone...by myself? I can't speak. It feels wrong for me to utter a word. I shouldn't be saying such things about myself. Too personal. Can't let anyone get too close. I just end up breaking them.
This was a journal entry, but it was just written so well. If you really read it, You can see how my mind switched from topic to topic. Truly scatter-brained.
I don't know why. I keep trying not to think about how he may be lying dead in a ditch somewhere. Arms slashed open...head full of chemicals. You fell so lonely when the only thing keeping you company are the thoughts bouncing off the back of your skull. No communication ties. No where to empty my sick thoughts but the desolate wasteland of the computer screen. I am killing myself. Slowly but surely. Having random sex, denying my body of the vitamins it needs, Wasting away. Crazy Alex has taken over...Alex is never coming back. You lost her. I am a sick freak. I drive people away with my sick thoughts. People think blood and mutilation are works of the devil. They are works that give me pleasure. Pain=Pleasure. "Take your pills and go to sleep" a phrase I will steal from Justin. I take 9 pills, soon to be 10 pills a day. Help me. Save me from myself. I just want to sleep forever...stay in a dream where no one can hurt me. You can't die in your dreams. No one can touch you unless you want them to. "She breaks just like a little girl" -Bob Dylan. I curl up in a little ball protecting myself from the things that want to get me. How can I protect myself from something that inside me head? I listen to music to reflect what I feel. Lately I haven't been able to find music angry enough for my needs. I am listening yo Pink Floyd right now. They are my crazy outlet. They put my feelings into words that I cannot speak. Mental Illness is like when you are wearing a blindfold and then someone takes it off and you see all the ugly things in the world for what they really are. That is what drives people mad. I hate thinking I am the one with the problem. Why can't it be everyone else's problem and not just me alone...by myself? I can't speak. It feels wrong for me to utter a word. I shouldn't be saying such things about myself. Too personal. Can't let anyone get too close. I just end up breaking them.
This was a journal entry, but it was just written so well. If you really read it, You can see how my mind switched from topic to topic. Truly scatter-brained.