META: Meet the Moustaches of Mars!
Moustaches: the very hair of manliness. Where would Life on Mars be without them? Nowhere, that's where. Can you imagine Ray without his moustache, or Litton? I can't.
So when I read that Dean Andrews is regrowing his Ray moustache to raise money for prostate cancer, I realised that Movember is indeed the perfect month for a picspammy profile of...
The Moustachio'ed Men of Mars!!!
Did you know that where Sam comes from, there are no moustaches? It's true. Just watch episode 1.01 and tell me if you can spot a moustache in all of 2006. Colin Raimes's psychiatrist has a beard/moustache combo, granted, but IT'S NOT A MOUSTACHE.
I think this is why Sam was sent back to 1973. 'Cause 1973 is Moustache Country.
Consider. What happens when he wakes up? What's the first thing he sees? Only the alarmingly vigorous whiskers of one Constable 507:
Sam doesn't know it yet, but he's moving into a fantastic universe that is filled with moustaches. Check out the way he checks out the moustache on this plod:
And who's the first detective he sees in 1973? Geoff and his wispy wonder 'stache.
Here's PC Terminal giving Sam the eye. There are many theories about this, but I think he's wondering where Sam's moustache went.
And finally Sam arrives at the ground zero of moustaches: DS Ray Carling.
And Ray's not alone. Is there anyone here who doesn't have a mo?
Ray thinks this is a very stupid question.
And OK, this is stolen from the upcoming instalment of "The Nameless Ones - Part II", but... can I just say that the man I call Señor Moustache Guy (centre) is utterly awesome? Check out that knowing squint of his. I think he's probably the silent genius of CID.
Quick cut to a scene at the Railway Arms. There are moustaches, and there are moustaches. Gene knows what to do with the wrong sort of moustache: FROG-MARCH IT THE HELL OUT OF THERE.
*cough* I'm really not sure if Sid in the collator's den has a moustache, or just a bastard-big upper lip:
Right. Moving on! I don't think we've mentioned Chubby Moustache Guy yet. Here he is. We don't really know anything about him, but he's in on the poker game at the end of 1.02 so I'm pretty sure he's honest and reliable.
Oh hey! PC Terminal is allowed to stay in the Railway Arms with the CID moustaches even though he's uniform. Perhaps it's his boyish good looks.
Sam's in the street again. I'm not sure if he's freaked by this guy's mo, or just wondering where John Cleese got that paunch.
Nothing much to say about this fella except that he bears an alarming resemblance to John Bolton:
And now we're into episode 1.02! Don't worry, the moustaches start thinning out now. I think Monastic Productions used up half its 'stache budget on the first episode alone.
I call this shot "When mos go bad"...
Episode 1.02 also introduces us to the brave and wonderful Leonard Pitt. He's got a slightly scraggly moustache, but it just adds to his charm:
And episode 1.03 brings us the redoubtable DCI Litton! You know he could not sneer half as well without that moustache of his. I think that if you trimmed it off, it could sneer all by itself.
And here's the last moustachio'ed extra I'm going to include. He's got one line of dialogue, and uses it to egg on his nasty little buddy at t'mill. Not much to say except that this is one emphatic moustache.
Chubby Moustache Guy again! Look at the consternation on Munchkin Guy's face. You just know he's thinking, "Why don't I have a nice moustache like that?"
And Señor Moustache Guy again! Don't you think he's hot? I think maybe he thinks Sam's hot.
Aaaand Litton, because I love him. What's he shouting here? Possibly "Grow a mo!"
Even his henchman has a moustache ;-) And while we're on the subject of Litton, WHERE did he find a jacket made from upholstery fabric?
A closeup shot of Litton and his henchman. This is the moment where I noticed that Litton loves wearing brown. Maybe because brown is also the colour of his moustache. He's co-ordinated.
Big jump to episode 1.06! Litton again, in brown. Note how he rocks the aviator-sunglasses look. The only other detectives who wear aviator sunglasses in LOM are Sam and Gene. Not sure, but I think maybe they come in those DCI Lucky Bags that Gene mentions in 1.05.
*wonders what's up with the underage 'detective' in the background*
Confession! I think he's vaguely kinda cute sometimes. A little.
When he's not being weaselly and HORRID!!!!!
Episode 1.07. Sam and Gene are startled by an unexpectedly GLOWERING moustache!
And now we jump to episode 2.02, which has three moustaches of note. First, there's Deputy Chief Constable Glen Fletcher of 2006:
Then there's DC Glen Fletcher of 1973. Damn, I think he's good-looking. (Did you know that the actor, Ray Emmet Brown, is a lawyer in real life? True!)
Can I just mention that I was surprised to find very few LOM villains with moustaches. Warren and Crane, for example, are clean-shaven. It's definitely not an accessory of evil. The opposite, if anything.
But here's an exception that proves the rule: one Arnold Malone.
Episode 2.05 gives us a blast from the past. It's 1972. Here's DC Chris Skelton, with wispy mo, being intimidated by some scary schoolgirls.
Chris is terrified. He knows his moustache is no match for them.
Moving along to episode 2.06. It's Ravi Gandhi with his 'stache. Really he's sort of related to Sam, isn't he, being Sam's mother-in-law's brother-in-law.
Also I think the actor, Paul Sharma, is rather gorgeous. Ahem.
Coming close to the ending! Here's the conniving DCI Frank Morgan. Oh, he looks sincere. His moustache looks sincere.
His moustache ... LIES.
Ooh! Check out his patented creepy smile.
And here's his surgeon twin, Mr Morgan of 2006. Equally creepy, no?
Uh-oh, Quasi-Dutch tilt. Always bad news.
Can you tell that Sam is not happy in 2006? Men, men everywhere ... but (except for Morgan) THERE ARE NO MOUSTACHES. Seriously, I think being clean-shaven is a job requirement of 'A' Division or something. Sam himself is skirting dangerously close to the edge with those sideburns of his.
So he sulks:
And there is much angsting.
>.>
And then Sam goes back to 1973, and is reunited with Ray and the other moustaches, and everything is perfect.
And he and the moustaches live happily ever after.
THE END.
So when I read that Dean Andrews is regrowing his Ray moustache to raise money for prostate cancer, I realised that Movember is indeed the perfect month for a picspammy profile of...
The Moustachio'ed Men of Mars!!!
Did you know that where Sam comes from, there are no moustaches? It's true. Just watch episode 1.01 and tell me if you can spot a moustache in all of 2006. Colin Raimes's psychiatrist has a beard/moustache combo, granted, but IT'S NOT A MOUSTACHE.
I think this is why Sam was sent back to 1973. 'Cause 1973 is Moustache Country.
Consider. What happens when he wakes up? What's the first thing he sees? Only the alarmingly vigorous whiskers of one Constable 507:
Sam doesn't know it yet, but he's moving into a fantastic universe that is filled with moustaches. Check out the way he checks out the moustache on this plod:
And who's the first detective he sees in 1973? Geoff and his wispy wonder 'stache.
Here's PC Terminal giving Sam the eye. There are many theories about this, but I think he's wondering where Sam's moustache went.
And finally Sam arrives at the ground zero of moustaches: DS Ray Carling.
And Ray's not alone. Is there anyone here who doesn't have a mo?
Ray thinks this is a very stupid question.
And OK, this is stolen from the upcoming instalment of "The Nameless Ones - Part II", but... can I just say that the man I call Señor Moustache Guy (centre) is utterly awesome? Check out that knowing squint of his. I think he's probably the silent genius of CID.
Quick cut to a scene at the Railway Arms. There are moustaches, and there are moustaches. Gene knows what to do with the wrong sort of moustache: FROG-MARCH IT THE HELL OUT OF THERE.
*cough* I'm really not sure if Sid in the collator's den has a moustache, or just a bastard-big upper lip:
Right. Moving on! I don't think we've mentioned Chubby Moustache Guy yet. Here he is. We don't really know anything about him, but he's in on the poker game at the end of 1.02 so I'm pretty sure he's honest and reliable.
Oh hey! PC Terminal is allowed to stay in the Railway Arms with the CID moustaches even though he's uniform. Perhaps it's his boyish good looks.
Sam's in the street again. I'm not sure if he's freaked by this guy's mo, or just wondering where John Cleese got that paunch.
Nothing much to say about this fella except that he bears an alarming resemblance to John Bolton:
And now we're into episode 1.02! Don't worry, the moustaches start thinning out now. I think Monastic Productions used up half its 'stache budget on the first episode alone.
I call this shot "When mos go bad"...
Episode 1.02 also introduces us to the brave and wonderful Leonard Pitt. He's got a slightly scraggly moustache, but it just adds to his charm:
And episode 1.03 brings us the redoubtable DCI Litton! You know he could not sneer half as well without that moustache of his. I think that if you trimmed it off, it could sneer all by itself.
And here's the last moustachio'ed extra I'm going to include. He's got one line of dialogue, and uses it to egg on his nasty little buddy at t'mill. Not much to say except that this is one emphatic moustache.
Chubby Moustache Guy again! Look at the consternation on Munchkin Guy's face. You just know he's thinking, "Why don't I have a nice moustache like that?"
And Señor Moustache Guy again! Don't you think he's hot? I think maybe he thinks Sam's hot.
Aaaand Litton, because I love him. What's he shouting here? Possibly "Grow a mo!"
Even his henchman has a moustache ;-) And while we're on the subject of Litton, WHERE did he find a jacket made from upholstery fabric?
A closeup shot of Litton and his henchman. This is the moment where I noticed that Litton loves wearing brown. Maybe because brown is also the colour of his moustache. He's co-ordinated.
Big jump to episode 1.06! Litton again, in brown. Note how he rocks the aviator-sunglasses look. The only other detectives who wear aviator sunglasses in LOM are Sam and Gene. Not sure, but I think maybe they come in those DCI Lucky Bags that Gene mentions in 1.05.
*wonders what's up with the underage 'detective' in the background*
Confession! I think he's vaguely kinda cute sometimes. A little.
When he's not being weaselly and HORRID!!!!!
Episode 1.07. Sam and Gene are startled by an unexpectedly GLOWERING moustache!
And now we jump to episode 2.02, which has three moustaches of note. First, there's Deputy Chief Constable Glen Fletcher of 2006:
Then there's DC Glen Fletcher of 1973. Damn, I think he's good-looking. (Did you know that the actor, Ray Emmet Brown, is a lawyer in real life? True!)
Can I just mention that I was surprised to find very few LOM villains with moustaches. Warren and Crane, for example, are clean-shaven. It's definitely not an accessory of evil. The opposite, if anything.
But here's an exception that proves the rule: one Arnold Malone.
Episode 2.05 gives us a blast from the past. It's 1972. Here's DC Chris Skelton, with wispy mo, being intimidated by some scary schoolgirls.
Chris is terrified. He knows his moustache is no match for them.
Moving along to episode 2.06. It's Ravi Gandhi with his 'stache. Really he's sort of related to Sam, isn't he, being Sam's mother-in-law's brother-in-law.
Also I think the actor, Paul Sharma, is rather gorgeous. Ahem.
Coming close to the ending! Here's the conniving DCI Frank Morgan. Oh, he looks sincere. His moustache looks sincere.
His moustache ... LIES.
Ooh! Check out his patented creepy smile.
And here's his surgeon twin, Mr Morgan of 2006. Equally creepy, no?
Uh-oh, Quasi-Dutch tilt. Always bad news.
Can you tell that Sam is not happy in 2006? Men, men everywhere ... but (except for Morgan) THERE ARE NO MOUSTACHES. Seriously, I think being clean-shaven is a job requirement of 'A' Division or something. Sam himself is skirting dangerously close to the edge with those sideburns of his.
So he sulks:
And there is much angsting.
>.>
And then Sam goes back to 1973, and is reunited with Ray and the other moustaches, and everything is perfect.
And he and the moustaches live happily ever after.
THE END.