(no subject)
I decided to actually use this,
read it if you like.
I just would really like something that I can read and remind me of my life because frankly, I can't remember shit.
I honestly have no long term memory, i can't even remember what it was like being a child, I don't know whats wrong with me but I havn't really told anyone. But if you ask me things about like, what was your first love like? I'de be like oh amazing, but I don't fucking remember, i know that I loved brad but I don't remember what it was even like. Or like, what was it like growing up? I don't know.
Maybe its a good thing I don't remember but thats one reason I don't do things like drugs or drink, they bring back weird memories.
I don't know where they come from but they are always really bad things. Something bad happened somewhere in my lifetime but I can't pinpoint it. Its like I'm a como patient that reawakes everyday. This fucking sucks.
I always try to think about what my life was like before this "change" I made and I really don't know. All I know is that it was crazy but I can't tell you specifics, but I know that I was happy.
and I know that I miss, Lauren and Amy so much. I can remember talking to her and laying down talking about life. And I remember how Amy never left me behind and we could have fun doing anything. But I can't say specifics really, its kind of like a scapbook, but with a lot of missing pictures if that makes sense. Just little snapshots of my life. I wish I knew people who could tell me about my own life but thats never going to happen.
I just really want my life back, whatever that was. Its hard being the new girl year after year. I'm not really good friends with anyone any more and I'm sick of spending my weekends bored and alone, its not every weekend but when it happens it sucks.
And finally, something fucking horrible happened in my life but I think only like four people know about it. I keep looking around and having certain memories about how happy we were, together and thinking about how thats never going to happen again. Hopefully it will get better, but its thrown me in to a huge wave of depression. When I'm alone I always think about it, and thats why I hate being alone.
Happy things have happened too thogh, I have Brendan, Coco and a new me :]
I love coco, a this very moment shes crawling onto my shoulder, she sits there like a bird. I honestly have no idea why but she is so cute. And I also have Brendan and I know that he'll always be there for me. Hes so amazing, I mean. He just knows how to make me feel better about myself and my life and its just great to have someone like that.
But thats about all I can write right now.
Coco is crying and I feel kind of sick,
maybe its because I forgot to eat today.
Oh well, goodnight.
read it if you like.
I just would really like something that I can read and remind me of my life because frankly, I can't remember shit.
I honestly have no long term memory, i can't even remember what it was like being a child, I don't know whats wrong with me but I havn't really told anyone. But if you ask me things about like, what was your first love like? I'de be like oh amazing, but I don't fucking remember, i know that I loved brad but I don't remember what it was even like. Or like, what was it like growing up? I don't know.
Maybe its a good thing I don't remember but thats one reason I don't do things like drugs or drink, they bring back weird memories.
I don't know where they come from but they are always really bad things. Something bad happened somewhere in my lifetime but I can't pinpoint it. Its like I'm a como patient that reawakes everyday. This fucking sucks.
I always try to think about what my life was like before this "change" I made and I really don't know. All I know is that it was crazy but I can't tell you specifics, but I know that I was happy.
and I know that I miss, Lauren and Amy so much. I can remember talking to her and laying down talking about life. And I remember how Amy never left me behind and we could have fun doing anything. But I can't say specifics really, its kind of like a scapbook, but with a lot of missing pictures if that makes sense. Just little snapshots of my life. I wish I knew people who could tell me about my own life but thats never going to happen.
I just really want my life back, whatever that was. Its hard being the new girl year after year. I'm not really good friends with anyone any more and I'm sick of spending my weekends bored and alone, its not every weekend but when it happens it sucks.
And finally, something fucking horrible happened in my life but I think only like four people know about it. I keep looking around and having certain memories about how happy we were, together and thinking about how thats never going to happen again. Hopefully it will get better, but its thrown me in to a huge wave of depression. When I'm alone I always think about it, and thats why I hate being alone.
Happy things have happened too thogh, I have Brendan, Coco and a new me :]
I love coco, a this very moment shes crawling onto my shoulder, she sits there like a bird. I honestly have no idea why but she is so cute. And I also have Brendan and I know that he'll always be there for me. Hes so amazing, I mean. He just knows how to make me feel better about myself and my life and its just great to have someone like that.
But thats about all I can write right now.
Coco is crying and I feel kind of sick,
maybe its because I forgot to eat today.
Oh well, goodnight.