On the subject of piracy
It is a well known fact that I have been pushing my friends towards a career in caribean piracy since the world was cooling and to date they've been content to climb up their little yuppie financial ladders towards the rope they'll eventually end their meaningless existences with. I guess that could be considered better game than how I allow myself to rot into geriatric vegetation day by day, but if irony were bullets I'd have been dead years ago.
So piracy: It's a topic tossed around a lot and whenever you find yourself getting into a serious discussion on the benefits of seagoing piracy eventually cruise ships come up. If you even find yourself a member of the chic sash-and-eyepatch crowd I recommend skipping these for a while in favour of easier prey. They look like floating piggy banks from a distance but consider some strategic chinks in your armor attacking one.
1. They're fucking huge. If you attack in the dead of night with two dozen expert ninja-commandos you might succeed in rounding up all of the crew, guests and weapons in under an hour and disable all communications devices including every satelite phone, radio and home-brewed burst transmission device you might have a chance at winning the day with the prizes and your skin intact. If you're working with the average sort of motley, unkempt savages that most of us have to deal with then you're likely to find out that someone radio'd for help about an hour after they get there.
2. There is always some kind of ridiculously well-trained ex-military "I kill tanks with my bare hands" type who will, when provoked, lesiurely cut down your crew man by man until it is left to you in a one-on-one melee where you inevitably get distracted by some shiny object and take a knife with roughly the dimensions of the backseat of a ford Aerostar to the jugular and spend the last seconds of your life gargling your own blood and teeth and NOT merrily chugging rum and cashing in political bounties and insurance money from the fake shipping company that you run to launder money in getting their entire fleet ripped off mysteriously by people in your own company uniforms but with the insignia's ripped off and "yarr!" written over it in black magic marker.
You're better off sticking to glass-bottom boats and oceanographers for a while to get you int he rhythm of things first. Don't just jump up and think you can tear the tab off your six-pack of wup ass day one and buy an island day two.
So piracy: It's a topic tossed around a lot and whenever you find yourself getting into a serious discussion on the benefits of seagoing piracy eventually cruise ships come up. If you even find yourself a member of the chic sash-and-eyepatch crowd I recommend skipping these for a while in favour of easier prey. They look like floating piggy banks from a distance but consider some strategic chinks in your armor attacking one.
1. They're fucking huge. If you attack in the dead of night with two dozen expert ninja-commandos you might succeed in rounding up all of the crew, guests and weapons in under an hour and disable all communications devices including every satelite phone, radio and home-brewed burst transmission device you might have a chance at winning the day with the prizes and your skin intact. If you're working with the average sort of motley, unkempt savages that most of us have to deal with then you're likely to find out that someone radio'd for help about an hour after they get there.
2. There is always some kind of ridiculously well-trained ex-military "I kill tanks with my bare hands" type who will, when provoked, lesiurely cut down your crew man by man until it is left to you in a one-on-one melee where you inevitably get distracted by some shiny object and take a knife with roughly the dimensions of the backseat of a ford Aerostar to the jugular and spend the last seconds of your life gargling your own blood and teeth and NOT merrily chugging rum and cashing in political bounties and insurance money from the fake shipping company that you run to launder money in getting their entire fleet ripped off mysteriously by people in your own company uniforms but with the insignia's ripped off and "yarr!" written over it in black magic marker.
You're better off sticking to glass-bottom boats and oceanographers for a while to get you int he rhythm of things first. Don't just jump up and think you can tear the tab off your six-pack of wup ass day one and buy an island day two.