"I lost my shoe."
Hello, my darlings! It’s that time again! What time is that? you ask, clustering around, faces bright with innocent interest. I smile indulgently, and beckon you closer so I may relate a tale. A tale of intrigue, glamour and romance.
It all began some months ago, when some of my chums and I decided to go on holiday. This was all fine. We (and by “we” I mean “Katherine”) booked a cottage. Still fine. Then we (again, “Katherine”) bought the train tickets to Bristol. Still fine. Now, follow me closely. At this point, we have reached the end of May. The time of my famous “Staycation 2009”. You may recall from the video of “Day 4” that I had visited the Natural History Museum, seen many dinosaurs and nuns, bought a notebook, popped into the V&A, and finally met Katie, Katherine and Helen for drinks and dinner. At this pleasant social event, I construe, given subsequent events, that the following conversation took place:
Katherine: I have tickets to Bristol for us all. Also, Helen’s ridiculously complicated tickets for the Lake District.
Me & Helen: Woo! \o/
Katie: I am not coming on holiday. I am sad.
Me: Hush, now. You have many holidays.
Katie: True. I am no longer sad.
Katherine: Back to me.* Tickets. Let’s have a look.
Everyone: [has a look]
Katherine: [divvies up tickets]
Katherine: These are mine. These ridiculous ones are Helen’s. These must, by a process of elimination, be for Liss and Pim.
Me: That’s OK, I’ll take the ones for me and Pim.
Me: [takes tickets for self and Pim] (No commentary needed. I don’t know why anyone thought this was a good idea, either.)
Do you see? Do you? Of course you do. Fast-forward to today, and the following e-mail conversation:
Pim: Liss, do you have my tickets?
Me: [looks like a rabbit in headlights]
Me: Tickets? What are these tickets of which you speak?
Everyone: [sighs]
Through a process of careful investigation and brilliant deduction, I have concluded that, for some reason lost to the proverbial mists of time, I did not put the tickets into my giant wallet, as would have been eminently sensible. Am hoping they are in my Yorick bag. Pray for me, darlings. Well. Not actually.
I shall keep you updated in my ticket search. Latest bulletin from the front is scheduled for this evening…
* It is highly unlikely that Katherine actually said this. I may be projecting.
It all began some months ago, when some of my chums and I decided to go on holiday. This was all fine. We (and by “we” I mean “Katherine”) booked a cottage. Still fine. Then we (again, “Katherine”) bought the train tickets to Bristol. Still fine. Now, follow me closely. At this point, we have reached the end of May. The time of my famous “Staycation 2009”. You may recall from the video of “Day 4” that I had visited the Natural History Museum, seen many dinosaurs and nuns, bought a notebook, popped into the V&A, and finally met Katie, Katherine and Helen for drinks and dinner. At this pleasant social event, I construe, given subsequent events, that the following conversation took place:
Katherine: I have tickets to Bristol for us all. Also, Helen’s ridiculously complicated tickets for the Lake District.
Me & Helen: Woo! \o/
Katie: I am not coming on holiday. I am sad.
Me: Hush, now. You have many holidays.
Katie: True. I am no longer sad.
Katherine: Back to me.* Tickets. Let’s have a look.
Everyone: [has a look]
Katherine: [divvies up tickets]
Katherine: These are mine. These ridiculous ones are Helen’s. These must, by a process of elimination, be for Liss and Pim.
Me: That’s OK, I’ll take the ones for me and Pim.
Me: [takes tickets for self and Pim] (No commentary needed. I don’t know why anyone thought this was a good idea, either.)
Do you see? Do you? Of course you do. Fast-forward to today, and the following e-mail conversation:
Pim: Liss, do you have my tickets?
Me: [looks like a rabbit in headlights]
Me: Tickets? What are these tickets of which you speak?
Everyone: [sighs]
Through a process of careful investigation and brilliant deduction, I have concluded that, for some reason lost to the proverbial mists of time, I did not put the tickets into my giant wallet, as would have been eminently sensible. Am hoping they are in my Yorick bag. Pray for me, darlings. Well. Not actually.
I shall keep you updated in my ticket search. Latest bulletin from the front is scheduled for this evening…
* It is highly unlikely that Katherine actually said this. I may be projecting.