In which the Squeen reaches a peak of self-obsession
So, I know lots of people have friended me recently for fic (hello!) and I thought, hmm, should I do some sort of vague introductory post as Katie did recently, but then I thought FFS don't do that nobody cares because it's for fic, but then I thought, but I love talking about myself, why would I deprive myself of the joy? Because NOBODY CARES, I thought. Then I thought (further), well, I could compromise, and write an introductory post about me and PUT IT BEHIND A CUT. Huh, I thought, very cunning. Thanks, I thought.
Then it turned into a pome. About me. And I can't possibly, possibly, under any circumstances, lj-cut a pome about me.
A POME ABOUT ME
or, You Can Tell It Will Be Awesome
Life began, I here narrate(y)
In nineteen hun-der-rud and eighty
When doctors from around did come
To see the baby's coal black bum
You see, it's true, I'm quite contrary
I'd come out backwards (very scary)
I had red hair and eyes of blue
Which turned to green as these things do
The place so blessed with this glad tiding
Was Leeds, in Yorkshire's great West Riding
I stayed there but a year, I'm told
To Birkenhead we went (vee cold)
At which point my story saddens
As a boy-child my parents gladdened
It's true, worse luck, they'd procreated
From '82 was my nemesis dated
(His name is Chris, he drove me mad
Though I now admit he's not that bad)
From north to east (oh Essex lair)
And thence to that Manx island fair
Then on to Tunbridge Wells in Kent
And off to boarding school I went
Next up was Yorkshire (South this time)
And lastly Derbyshire (no rhyme)
My parents yet abode there now
(Step up, darlings, take a bow)
Enough of them, now back to me
I'm off to university
I went to Oxford (truly, really)
But soon got sad and very dreary
I had a thing and went all weirdy
But not - be glad - remotely beardy
I came to London (happy day)
And started honest work for pay
And that's the truth, s'welp me Lord
I hope you haven't all been bored*
*Ha ha, I lie, I know I'm awesome
Shit, nothing rhymes with that but foursome
Fuck, I'm cornered, what to do?
I really wish I had a clue
Change the subject, there's a plan
I just cooked mushrooms in a pan!
Ha! They'll never I see I faltered
My poem has been barely altered
Oh God, I'm brilliant, it's so true
Shut up! It scans! I hate you too
Fine, piss off, I'm going now
Bye.
No, wait, there's more, it's scarce begun
Come back, it's pretty rude to shun
I like books and comics (not too freaky)
I like hot soup that's very leeky
Joss Whedon's God, I don't deny
Fuck you FOX, I loved Firefly
The West Wing, too, was not all shit
Blackadder, also, full of wit
Star Trek, Stargate, Atlantis too
Plus Buffy, Bones and Doctor Who
Fine, that's enough, I'm getting bored
I HAVE NO GOD, LIFE'S GRAND, VOTE GORD*
* I really wouldn't that believe
I HAVE NO GOD, LIFE'S GRAND, NOW LEAVE
Then it turned into a pome. About me. And I can't possibly, possibly, under any circumstances, lj-cut a pome about me.
A POME ABOUT ME
or, You Can Tell It Will Be Awesome
Life began, I here narrate(y)
In nineteen hun-der-rud and eighty
When doctors from around did come
To see the baby's coal black bum
You see, it's true, I'm quite contrary
I'd come out backwards (very scary)
I had red hair and eyes of blue
Which turned to green as these things do
The place so blessed with this glad tiding
Was Leeds, in Yorkshire's great West Riding
I stayed there but a year, I'm told
To Birkenhead we went (vee cold)
At which point my story saddens
As a boy-child my parents gladdened
It's true, worse luck, they'd procreated
From '82 was my nemesis dated
(His name is Chris, he drove me mad
Though I now admit he's not that bad)
From north to east (oh Essex lair)
And thence to that Manx island fair
Then on to Tunbridge Wells in Kent
And off to boarding school I went
Next up was Yorkshire (South this time)
And lastly Derbyshire (no rhyme)
My parents yet abode there now
(Step up, darlings, take a bow)
Enough of them, now back to me
I'm off to university
I went to Oxford (truly, really)
But soon got sad and very dreary
I had a thing and went all weirdy
But not - be glad - remotely beardy
I came to London (happy day)
And started honest work for pay
And that's the truth, s'welp me Lord
I hope you haven't all been bored*
*Ha ha, I lie, I know I'm awesome
Shit, nothing rhymes with that but foursome
Fuck, I'm cornered, what to do?
I really wish I had a clue
Change the subject, there's a plan
I just cooked mushrooms in a pan!
Ha! They'll never I see I faltered
My poem has been barely altered
Oh God, I'm brilliant, it's so true
Shut up! It scans! I hate you too
Fine, piss off, I'm going now
Bye.
No, wait, there's more, it's scarce begun
Come back, it's pretty rude to shun
I like books and comics (not too freaky)
I like hot soup that's very leeky
Joss Whedon's God, I don't deny
Fuck you FOX, I loved Firefly
The West Wing, too, was not all shit
Blackadder, also, full of wit
Star Trek, Stargate, Atlantis too
Plus Buffy, Bones and Doctor Who
Fine, that's enough, I'm getting bored
I HAVE NO GOD, LIFE'S GRAND, VOTE GORD*
* I really wouldn't that believe
I HAVE NO GOD, LIFE'S GRAND, NOW LEAVE