Love light
This past weekend I went on my first solo trip ever (anywhere) to Sacramento. Solo meaning alone, to a place I've never been before, where I know noone, not family not friends nor friends of friends--just me, relying on me.
Everything went off without a hitch, considering all I had prepared for right up to the very last minute was the flight there and a deposit for the massage class I had planned on taking. Seriously, Thursday night/Friday morning found me on the Net making arrangements for hostel accomodations ($23.50/night + $5 parking/night + $1 linen fee, and car rental ($61.39 for 3 days). My flight was super cheap too $49 each way + plus taxes and various fees.
I know it's not world travel, but traveling solo, helped me to see just what kind of person I really am, and despite my fears, and constant niggling self-criticisms, I must say that I'm pretty cool, easy to get along with, and fun to be around. I talked to strangers on the trains to the airport, talked to a really nice senior woman--we laughed together for nearly an hour while waiting in the terminal. We talked about massage, travel, family and I finally realized that just as much as I needed to talk about things, to get things out--she needed to be heard in equal proportions. She had a lot to offer.
I totally had fun walking and talking with a hostel member from Australia, and he's coming to Long Beach this week so we'll grab a bite and walk and talk around here if time works out and our schedules converge. It's always good to know/meet people from other countries--oneday I will travel abroad and it would be nice to see friends/acquaintances with whom I have somewhat of a history.
I hit it off well with massage school people, but that's a given. Everyone was very kind and giving with lots of information to share. Lots of hugs, and a few pictures.
I've concluded that I'm really the way I was while "travelling" all of the time, only during the everyday living I shut down and hold back and am afraid to shine. I selectively shine on ("Instant Karma"/Lennon reference)with particular friends at particular times. I thought that I'd be more fearful while out and about with noone to catch me but found out that I am more afraid, reluctant to move on, because I know that as long as I'm amongst my friends--there will be someone there. This makes sense sort of, when I was a child I never felt like anyone was available for my emotional needs. So now I funtion at a minimal level, not because I take my friends for granted, but to validate that there are people in my life who will fulfill those needs. I need not keep myself in a state of distress to "prove" to myself that people care about me.
I'm certain that my friends and loved ones would prefer that that I keep learning how to release my fears and grow comfortable with the idea of letting my love light shine.
Everything went off without a hitch, considering all I had prepared for right up to the very last minute was the flight there and a deposit for the massage class I had planned on taking. Seriously, Thursday night/Friday morning found me on the Net making arrangements for hostel accomodations ($23.50/night + $5 parking/night + $1 linen fee, and car rental ($61.39 for 3 days). My flight was super cheap too $49 each way + plus taxes and various fees.
I know it's not world travel, but traveling solo, helped me to see just what kind of person I really am, and despite my fears, and constant niggling self-criticisms, I must say that I'm pretty cool, easy to get along with, and fun to be around. I talked to strangers on the trains to the airport, talked to a really nice senior woman--we laughed together for nearly an hour while waiting in the terminal. We talked about massage, travel, family and I finally realized that just as much as I needed to talk about things, to get things out--she needed to be heard in equal proportions. She had a lot to offer.
I totally had fun walking and talking with a hostel member from Australia, and he's coming to Long Beach this week so we'll grab a bite and walk and talk around here if time works out and our schedules converge. It's always good to know/meet people from other countries--oneday I will travel abroad and it would be nice to see friends/acquaintances with whom I have somewhat of a history.
I hit it off well with massage school people, but that's a given. Everyone was very kind and giving with lots of information to share. Lots of hugs, and a few pictures.
I've concluded that I'm really the way I was while "travelling" all of the time, only during the everyday living I shut down and hold back and am afraid to shine. I selectively shine on ("Instant Karma"/Lennon reference)with particular friends at particular times. I thought that I'd be more fearful while out and about with noone to catch me but found out that I am more afraid, reluctant to move on, because I know that as long as I'm amongst my friends--there will be someone there. This makes sense sort of, when I was a child I never felt like anyone was available for my emotional needs. So now I funtion at a minimal level, not because I take my friends for granted, but to validate that there are people in my life who will fulfill those needs. I need not keep myself in a state of distress to "prove" to myself that people care about me.
I'm certain that my friends and loved ones would prefer that that I keep learning how to release my fears and grow comfortable with the idea of letting my love light shine.