Bringing Peace
The other night I took a friend to zazen with me, he made a comment that nearly everyone makes when they visit the zendo and garden for the first time. He said, "It's very beautiful and peaceful here".
Sensei then replied, "The only peace in this zendo is the peace you brought with you. . .you have the same peace all the time, but you'll probably leave it here when you go."
His words as usual resonate with me, especially while I'm at work and think I'm feeling disgruntled and like acting homicidal. Today isn't so bad because my one boss who is more angsty and annoying to me just now arrived to work at 10:30. It has been a wonderful 3 hours without her, or so I was led to believe.
The thing is, I'm wondering if what it is I call relief or peace of mind in her absence is really peace of mind if her very presence disturbs it. Once again I see that the "reason" I let my boss trigger some response is that her angst reflects my angst. The old "it takes one to know one" adage. I dislike her, because I'm struggling with my feelings toward myself.
So I'm finding that if one is able to bring peace, s/he can also bring anger/angst/hatred/fear. . . .or whichever transitory and fleeting thing/emotion that is blowing through consciousness. I only have myself to blame because everyday when I come to work I bring my anger and the false belief that the new day will be like a host of other days passed.
All these things I carry around, eventually sooner than later, I will bring peace with me, but I must learn to let go of my anger/fear. . . .etc.
Sensei then replied, "The only peace in this zendo is the peace you brought with you. . .you have the same peace all the time, but you'll probably leave it here when you go."
His words as usual resonate with me, especially while I'm at work and think I'm feeling disgruntled and like acting homicidal. Today isn't so bad because my one boss who is more angsty and annoying to me just now arrived to work at 10:30. It has been a wonderful 3 hours without her, or so I was led to believe.
The thing is, I'm wondering if what it is I call relief or peace of mind in her absence is really peace of mind if her very presence disturbs it. Once again I see that the "reason" I let my boss trigger some response is that her angst reflects my angst. The old "it takes one to know one" adage. I dislike her, because I'm struggling with my feelings toward myself.
So I'm finding that if one is able to bring peace, s/he can also bring anger/angst/hatred/fear. . . .or whichever transitory and fleeting thing/emotion that is blowing through consciousness. I only have myself to blame because everyday when I come to work I bring my anger and the false belief that the new day will be like a host of other days passed.
All these things I carry around, eventually sooner than later, I will bring peace with me, but I must learn to let go of my anger/fear. . . .etc.