in response to a comment largitas made;
For me to be reminded that I am needed by someone is a great feeling. For someone like myself, who has spent almost her entire life alone, to be wanted means something. I'm used to people coming into my life and then leaving it just as easily. People like that don't often realize how greatly they impact my life.
Even though I almost (as 99.9% of the time) never talk to indilime, I consider her one of my closest online friends. Not only that, but she's one of the oldest online friends that I have (fridge, din_sama and marieamethyst to name a few others). I care about her more than even she probably knows ♥ Just one of many examples of what a simple acknowledgement can do (I still owe you a package too Indy, don't I :x -hides- XD ♥)
Erik is someone who acknowledged me and single handedly changed my life for ever. It's been a cruel irony, but if we hadn't parted (even though it was willing), I never would have felt love. I denied the ache in my heart for eight months after we stopped talking, but shortly after, I confessed to myself that what I felt was love and love it has been. Not a day has gone by where I haven't thought of him and never has a thought gone through my head where I have not cried over him. Through my pain of losing him, however, I grow stronger. Though I have friends for whom I live, selfishly, I live to honor his memory and all that he has given me. What he has given to me I give selflessly back to others in honor of his memory even though all I want to do is die. benbarden; Although our loss is similar, our pain is different. You have a face and the knowledge that the one you care for has passed where all I have is uncertainty of a stranger of whom I have no idea how he appears. If I knew for certain that Erik was dead, only then could my heart find peace.
I'm surprised I haven't become hard in a shell with how many times I've been hurt this year. The only exception to this rule is when I moved out of my parents house and stopped having immediate access to the internet for that is one of the main reasons why I haven't talked to white_russian in nine months. Right now, she is the only person I've allowed myself to love. Just an occasional acknowledgement from her and/or post in her livejournal is part of what's keeping me grounded right now. I know she has work and a life outside of me. I'm not a selfish prick to demand that I be the sole center of her attention. I'm not like that with anyone. Just keeping my royal purple Princess Diana bear with me (along with my golden angel bear in memory of Erik), the memories that I have shared with these two people keeps me here.
benbarden; part of why I'm such a music guru is that not only does music help me to express me many moods and feelings, it helps me write and also calms me down tremendously when all I want to do is rip someone's head apart. Your music especially helps to calm me. Another reason why I've taken such an interest in your music is because I enjoy helping others when it comes to giving my opinion to help others in any form. There will never be a time when I will stop listening to your songs :)
pyro_girl; keep bugging me to write. You won't have noticed yet, but Jess and Sei have both helped me to deal with myself. Throughout the story, I'm sure you will notice parts of myself. Our many roleplays, writings, and just random chats mean the world to me. Thank you so much for getting back in contact with me ♥ it means more to me than you know :)
supafova; ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
We've been through hell, you and I, but I wouldn't change it for the world if it meant not knowing you. Love and miss you chic ♥ Hope all is well with you :)
and last but not least...
pipsy; STOP KEEP SENDING ME MUSIC. I'm obsessed enough as it is girl! ;P I have seen you overcome much in the few + years I've known you. I admire your strength and the fact you remain true to yourself no matter what anyone else wants. I wish I had that courage ♥
Despite trust having been broken several times, I continue to let people in. The fact that you people are here means that I care about you and that I trust you, no matter how small the trust may be. I'm extremely close to most of you and others I have just recently met. Just know that by walking into my life, it means I will never forget you, even if you leave.
For putting up with me...
I love you all ♥♥♥
Even though I almost (as 99.9% of the time) never talk to indilime, I consider her one of my closest online friends. Not only that, but she's one of the oldest online friends that I have (fridge, din_sama and marieamethyst to name a few others). I care about her more than even she probably knows ♥ Just one of many examples of what a simple acknowledgement can do (I still owe you a package too Indy, don't I :x -hides- XD ♥)
Erik is someone who acknowledged me and single handedly changed my life for ever. It's been a cruel irony, but if we hadn't parted (even though it was willing), I never would have felt love. I denied the ache in my heart for eight months after we stopped talking, but shortly after, I confessed to myself that what I felt was love and love it has been. Not a day has gone by where I haven't thought of him and never has a thought gone through my head where I have not cried over him. Through my pain of losing him, however, I grow stronger. Though I have friends for whom I live, selfishly, I live to honor his memory and all that he has given me. What he has given to me I give selflessly back to others in honor of his memory even though all I want to do is die. benbarden; Although our loss is similar, our pain is different. You have a face and the knowledge that the one you care for has passed where all I have is uncertainty of a stranger of whom I have no idea how he appears. If I knew for certain that Erik was dead, only then could my heart find peace.
I'm surprised I haven't become hard in a shell with how many times I've been hurt this year. The only exception to this rule is when I moved out of my parents house and stopped having immediate access to the internet for that is one of the main reasons why I haven't talked to white_russian in nine months. Right now, she is the only person I've allowed myself to love. Just an occasional acknowledgement from her and/or post in her livejournal is part of what's keeping me grounded right now. I know she has work and a life outside of me. I'm not a selfish prick to demand that I be the sole center of her attention. I'm not like that with anyone. Just keeping my royal purple Princess Diana bear with me (along with my golden angel bear in memory of Erik), the memories that I have shared with these two people keeps me here.
benbarden; part of why I'm such a music guru is that not only does music help me to express me many moods and feelings, it helps me write and also calms me down tremendously when all I want to do is rip someone's head apart. Your music especially helps to calm me. Another reason why I've taken such an interest in your music is because I enjoy helping others when it comes to giving my opinion to help others in any form. There will never be a time when I will stop listening to your songs :)
pyro_girl; keep bugging me to write. You won't have noticed yet, but Jess and Sei have both helped me to deal with myself. Throughout the story, I'm sure you will notice parts of myself. Our many roleplays, writings, and just random chats mean the world to me. Thank you so much for getting back in contact with me ♥ it means more to me than you know :)
supafova; ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
We've been through hell, you and I, but I wouldn't change it for the world if it meant not knowing you. Love and miss you chic ♥ Hope all is well with you :)
and last but not least...
pipsy; STOP KEEP SENDING ME MUSIC. I'm obsessed enough as it is girl! ;P I have seen you overcome much in the few + years I've known you. I admire your strength and the fact you remain true to yourself no matter what anyone else wants. I wish I had that courage ♥
Despite trust having been broken several times, I continue to let people in. The fact that you people are here means that I care about you and that I trust you, no matter how small the trust may be. I'm extremely close to most of you and others I have just recently met. Just know that by walking into my life, it means I will never forget you, even if you leave.
For putting up with me...
I love you all ♥♥♥