pain
this is from last thursday:
oh the joys of today.
this procedure was recommended by a pain management clinic a few weeks ago. when i very first was admitted to the hospital in august, the doctors gave up and told me i should meet with a pain management doctor. no one explained to me what this was. when i asked my doctor about it, she said "i don't prescribe oxycodone". i didn't even know what that was. but i went to this clinic because i saw they did acupuncture.
i had a few acupuncture sessions. the doctor was nice.
the doctor also prescribed me a second non-narcotic muscle relaxer and recommended a superior hypogastric plexus block.
i'm an expert at saying this now, bitches.
i wanted to talk to my normal doctor first. it took a few weeks to reach her since their computers were down for almost a week. she recommended the procedure. she only does the front, but this guy was going down to "the source" in the back (it's a little like the island). so my doctor agreed i should get it with him.
first you try medications and diet changes,
then you try instillations,
after that is something like a nerve block.
but from there? i have no clue :(
sedation's not required, but they really encourage it. my doctor said it wasn't required in a way that IMPLIED the sedation is for people with a fear of needles. but i can't work and not eat/drink for 7 hours, neither can i go to work directly after such a procedure. so i chose not to be sedated.
and even though i'm about to describe this horrific event, i stand by my decision.
my dad picked me up still just in case. my doctor made it sound like i'd be in pain for a couple of days. when we arrived, the girl at the front desk said she also lived in ahwatukee. she said she worked at a tanning salon and could get me a discount. um, no thanks, i'll just take the insane injection in my back today, thank you.
the procedure waiting room was long and a bit narrow, but wide towards the back room. there were people in almost all the chairs, but there were a few free chairs. no one moved so that my dad and i could sit together and we didn't ask, so we just stood there and chatted.
this attractive male assistant kept coming out to tell people to bring the car around, then bringing someone in a haze out. no wheelchairs, so bizarre. when i've been sedated, the wheelchair is necessary.
this office was freezing by the way. i wanted to grab a sweater before i left, but the one i wanted wasn't quite dry yet and it was super hot for winter. only in arizona is it colder inside than out.
when i went back, the assistant took my vitals. her and another assistants were having a lot of fun. the place seemed insanely busy, so i was happy to see them in high spirits. my nurse told someone to "follow the short asian-looking girl".
the "short asian-looking girl" said she wasn't even asian and laughed. they all had on what appeared to be high-end crocs. like painted plastic, black, fewer holes.
my nurse told me to take a pregnancy test. i had JUST gone to the bathroom; however IC is the one syndrome that can conquer this problem! dun-dun-dun-DUH! so after drinking a full bottle of water, i was able to go right away. and no, not pregnant.
after she took my vitals, i took off my shirt & bra to put on a hospital gown. they told me to put little booties over my flip flops, so strange. barefoot would have made more sense, but it was so cold.
there were four chairs in a little waiting area. THEY GAVE US BLANKETS! a young woman and two older men sat with IVs. based on the men's conversation, i think the sedation still left you awake. i was in pain and cold though, so i wasn't really paying attention. trying to lay in a ball on my lap in the chair. the "short asian-looking girl" asked if i was ok.
i told her yes and asked her how soon i would notice improvement.
"right away, but it only lasts 6-12 hours, you know this is temporary, right?"
"right".
she walked away. from the men's discussion, it also sounds like the same doctor does all the injections. i was a little irritated since they made it sounds so quick on their website. the procedure may be quick, but not this waiting around half-naked with half-naked old men.
thankfully i could wear my pants with my procedure.
one short, spaced out looking guy came out of the restroom in his gown, but no pants; just his shorts. the back of the gowns only had two ties. that's fine. but then he decides after sitting down that he wants to wear his pants, and he turns so his butt is facing me and puts them on. i just kept staring at the soap operas on the tv.
which then turned into the political soap opera discussion of the republican debate the prior evening. i was waiting forever. the fact that everyone was on sedation but me made me feel nervous.
eventually i was called back. someone walked me to the room and had me lay on the table. he told the room "we have a no sedation here!". the nurse was nice enough to give me a gel thing for my face to lay on. a woman was doing something on the computer next to me. she said "my daughter had a teacher named Miss Quihuis, is anyone in your family a teacher?". i told her my mother was a teacher's assistant, but no otherwise.
after this point, i'm apparently not in the room according to these people. there were two people when i walked in, plus the nurse. the nurse was now gone.
i have no idea who anyone in the room was.
at some point, i recognize the doctor's voice. someone strapped my legs down. it wasn't something i couldn't get out of if i wanted, but being strapped down by a stranger is generally bad news.
a man was sitting in a chair to my front left. he started asking me questions. he asked where i was from. i was really confused since again, i don't know who he was. i'm going to assume from this point on he's attractive nurse assistant guy.
"do you sky dive?" he asked.
"no"
"why not? too exciting?"
at that point, a long piece of metal was jammed into my back and i yelled "PAIN"
"i guess if you fall and hit the ground..."
"i mean the needle in my back" you fucking moron.
dear god. i'm not going to go into great deal to describe the pain. but do not underestimate it. if it had the chance, it'd kill you and everything in sight.
i clenched my hands. i had to not focus on it.
"i do like to snowboard" i said, trying to engage the conversation again to distract myself.
"oh yeah, are you any good?" we talked about snowboarding for a minute, but then everyone in the room started having a conversation that did not seem to include me. something about legion airways and not having to pay a $15 convenience fee if you buy your ticket at the gate.
unfortunately the conversation of how i was doing or a brief description of what the fuck was going on with this needle in my back never came up.
every few moments, there'd be a searing jolt of pain in my lower right back. it would shoot to my butt and down my leg like a pinch from a dinosaur.
i clenched my hands and kept breathing. i'm not ashamed to say i yelled a few times and took someone's lord's name in vain.
as he took out the needle, he told me he was taking it out, and that was probably the worst of the pain. my leg tried to kick it out, but oh no, it stayed.
people started leaving the room. someone told me i was ok now and they would help me up. this meant telling me to swing my legs to the left on the count of three, and standing up. thankfully there was a wheelchair to take me to sit down. it was attractive nurse assistant guy.
"are you dizzy?, nauseous, light-headed..."
"lightheaded, but i'll be ok".
"yeah?"
"i'm more in shock". he wheeled me to a curtain-partitioned cube.
"do you need anything, water, juice"?
i can't have juice. "water".
he then brings me the tiniest styrofoam cup i've ever seen. barbie would ask for a bigger size.
"thanks".
he leaves and another nurse talks to me, but everyone is rightfully more preoccupied with the young woman and the two men coming out of sedation. the poor nurse had a hell of the time with the curtains so one of the men could change.
finally it was my turn to change. i just wanted to run screaming out of there. i almost forgot to take the booties off my shoes. i'm glad someone drove me. i felt so shocked someone inserted that thing in my body.
i was allowed to walk out and went home with dad. he was shocked no one called him to pull the car around, but i had no sedation.
we went to get something to eat at cheesecake factory, where the oval, golden lights above each of the booths with the brown line through the middle like the eye of sauron. i kept waiting to not feel any pain.
it never happened. my right leg was hot and tingly for about an hour. the pain in my back grew unbearable. it'll be rough for a few days, but i'll survive.
even though that was one, if not the, most painful moments of my life, i still would prefer a few minutes of pain to no eating/drinking for an hour and being sedated if i can avoid it.
but it's still depressing that once again another treatment has failed after 7 months. maybe sleep will restore my hope and provide guidance, because i sure need them.
oh the joys of today.
this procedure was recommended by a pain management clinic a few weeks ago. when i very first was admitted to the hospital in august, the doctors gave up and told me i should meet with a pain management doctor. no one explained to me what this was. when i asked my doctor about it, she said "i don't prescribe oxycodone". i didn't even know what that was. but i went to this clinic because i saw they did acupuncture.
i had a few acupuncture sessions. the doctor was nice.
the doctor also prescribed me a second non-narcotic muscle relaxer and recommended a superior hypogastric plexus block.
i'm an expert at saying this now, bitches.
i wanted to talk to my normal doctor first. it took a few weeks to reach her since their computers were down for almost a week. she recommended the procedure. she only does the front, but this guy was going down to "the source" in the back (it's a little like the island). so my doctor agreed i should get it with him.
first you try medications and diet changes,
then you try instillations,
after that is something like a nerve block.
but from there? i have no clue :(
sedation's not required, but they really encourage it. my doctor said it wasn't required in a way that IMPLIED the sedation is for people with a fear of needles. but i can't work and not eat/drink for 7 hours, neither can i go to work directly after such a procedure. so i chose not to be sedated.
and even though i'm about to describe this horrific event, i stand by my decision.
my dad picked me up still just in case. my doctor made it sound like i'd be in pain for a couple of days. when we arrived, the girl at the front desk said she also lived in ahwatukee. she said she worked at a tanning salon and could get me a discount. um, no thanks, i'll just take the insane injection in my back today, thank you.
the procedure waiting room was long and a bit narrow, but wide towards the back room. there were people in almost all the chairs, but there were a few free chairs. no one moved so that my dad and i could sit together and we didn't ask, so we just stood there and chatted.
this attractive male assistant kept coming out to tell people to bring the car around, then bringing someone in a haze out. no wheelchairs, so bizarre. when i've been sedated, the wheelchair is necessary.
this office was freezing by the way. i wanted to grab a sweater before i left, but the one i wanted wasn't quite dry yet and it was super hot for winter. only in arizona is it colder inside than out.
when i went back, the assistant took my vitals. her and another assistants were having a lot of fun. the place seemed insanely busy, so i was happy to see them in high spirits. my nurse told someone to "follow the short asian-looking girl".
the "short asian-looking girl" said she wasn't even asian and laughed. they all had on what appeared to be high-end crocs. like painted plastic, black, fewer holes.
my nurse told me to take a pregnancy test. i had JUST gone to the bathroom; however IC is the one syndrome that can conquer this problem! dun-dun-dun-DUH! so after drinking a full bottle of water, i was able to go right away. and no, not pregnant.
after she took my vitals, i took off my shirt & bra to put on a hospital gown. they told me to put little booties over my flip flops, so strange. barefoot would have made more sense, but it was so cold.
there were four chairs in a little waiting area. THEY GAVE US BLANKETS! a young woman and two older men sat with IVs. based on the men's conversation, i think the sedation still left you awake. i was in pain and cold though, so i wasn't really paying attention. trying to lay in a ball on my lap in the chair. the "short asian-looking girl" asked if i was ok.
i told her yes and asked her how soon i would notice improvement.
"right away, but it only lasts 6-12 hours, you know this is temporary, right?"
"right".
she walked away. from the men's discussion, it also sounds like the same doctor does all the injections. i was a little irritated since they made it sounds so quick on their website. the procedure may be quick, but not this waiting around half-naked with half-naked old men.
thankfully i could wear my pants with my procedure.
one short, spaced out looking guy came out of the restroom in his gown, but no pants; just his shorts. the back of the gowns only had two ties. that's fine. but then he decides after sitting down that he wants to wear his pants, and he turns so his butt is facing me and puts them on. i just kept staring at the soap operas on the tv.
which then turned into the political soap opera discussion of the republican debate the prior evening. i was waiting forever. the fact that everyone was on sedation but me made me feel nervous.
eventually i was called back. someone walked me to the room and had me lay on the table. he told the room "we have a no sedation here!". the nurse was nice enough to give me a gel thing for my face to lay on. a woman was doing something on the computer next to me. she said "my daughter had a teacher named Miss Quihuis, is anyone in your family a teacher?". i told her my mother was a teacher's assistant, but no otherwise.
after this point, i'm apparently not in the room according to these people. there were two people when i walked in, plus the nurse. the nurse was now gone.
i have no idea who anyone in the room was.
at some point, i recognize the doctor's voice. someone strapped my legs down. it wasn't something i couldn't get out of if i wanted, but being strapped down by a stranger is generally bad news.
a man was sitting in a chair to my front left. he started asking me questions. he asked where i was from. i was really confused since again, i don't know who he was. i'm going to assume from this point on he's attractive nurse assistant guy.
"do you sky dive?" he asked.
"no"
"why not? too exciting?"
at that point, a long piece of metal was jammed into my back and i yelled "PAIN"
"i guess if you fall and hit the ground..."
"i mean the needle in my back" you fucking moron.
dear god. i'm not going to go into great deal to describe the pain. but do not underestimate it. if it had the chance, it'd kill you and everything in sight.
i clenched my hands. i had to not focus on it.
"i do like to snowboard" i said, trying to engage the conversation again to distract myself.
"oh yeah, are you any good?" we talked about snowboarding for a minute, but then everyone in the room started having a conversation that did not seem to include me. something about legion airways and not having to pay a $15 convenience fee if you buy your ticket at the gate.
unfortunately the conversation of how i was doing or a brief description of what the fuck was going on with this needle in my back never came up.
every few moments, there'd be a searing jolt of pain in my lower right back. it would shoot to my butt and down my leg like a pinch from a dinosaur.
i clenched my hands and kept breathing. i'm not ashamed to say i yelled a few times and took someone's lord's name in vain.
as he took out the needle, he told me he was taking it out, and that was probably the worst of the pain. my leg tried to kick it out, but oh no, it stayed.
people started leaving the room. someone told me i was ok now and they would help me up. this meant telling me to swing my legs to the left on the count of three, and standing up. thankfully there was a wheelchair to take me to sit down. it was attractive nurse assistant guy.
"are you dizzy?, nauseous, light-headed..."
"lightheaded, but i'll be ok".
"yeah?"
"i'm more in shock". he wheeled me to a curtain-partitioned cube.
"do you need anything, water, juice"?
i can't have juice. "water".
he then brings me the tiniest styrofoam cup i've ever seen. barbie would ask for a bigger size.
"thanks".
he leaves and another nurse talks to me, but everyone is rightfully more preoccupied with the young woman and the two men coming out of sedation. the poor nurse had a hell of the time with the curtains so one of the men could change.
finally it was my turn to change. i just wanted to run screaming out of there. i almost forgot to take the booties off my shoes. i'm glad someone drove me. i felt so shocked someone inserted that thing in my body.
i was allowed to walk out and went home with dad. he was shocked no one called him to pull the car around, but i had no sedation.
we went to get something to eat at cheesecake factory, where the oval, golden lights above each of the booths with the brown line through the middle like the eye of sauron. i kept waiting to not feel any pain.
it never happened. my right leg was hot and tingly for about an hour. the pain in my back grew unbearable. it'll be rough for a few days, but i'll survive.
even though that was one, if not the, most painful moments of my life, i still would prefer a few minutes of pain to no eating/drinking for an hour and being sedated if i can avoid it.
but it's still depressing that once again another treatment has failed after 7 months. maybe sleep will restore my hope and provide guidance, because i sure need them.