Misguided [Private]
This is my third time seeing her as a doctor, and honestly, I don't know why. When I first saw her, I helped her from being assaulted from a particular douche-bag individual and it landed me into therapy sessions. I told her that I didn't want to be there, she knows I don't want to be there, and it confuses me greatly as to why I slowly drag my sorry ass into that office. And not only do I just attend the sessions, but I also seem to drop in un-expectantly to talk and act as if there wasn't an appointment scheduled for the following days. It's absolutely mind boggling, why do I keep showing up? Why do I keep expecting something spectacular to happen when every time I leave the damn office I feel more confused and irritated with myself and her.
Not to mention, she agitates me completely. At first it started with her skimming the surface and then all of a sudden it became a tough round of hardball. She has all she needs to know about my family, great; it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out I have family problems concerning my father. How I find it hard to sympathize for the man after being ignored for years...but he had his reasons so family just leaves me empathetic, maybe a little apathetic. Whoopie-Fuckin'-Doo. But no, just like every other god damn psychiatrist, she had to dig for more. She moved from the family topic since there was nothing else to get information from so now it's the whole "Why are you working at Hush?", "Why do you hate it so much?". She keeps flaunting my overly large manila folder at me, wanting to get to the center of it all. Why do I act the way I do? It's a simple concept, really...but I just...don't want to tell her anything. I just...don't trust her...at least I don't think I trust her.
The last time I trusted a woman with my emotions and feelings, it led me to...well...Hush. Kurenai, she gets under my skin, annoys the hell out of me and then sends me mixed signals to where I don't know if she's playing me or if she's actually flirting (I've never been great on interpreting that stuff to begin with). For awhile I thought it was annoying, it still is annoying, but now I'm looking for that bit of flirt or whatever the hell she does. Also...I don't like how she's extremely attractive, especially with the way she bites on the tip of her pen before writing down whatever bit of information on her notepad. Why couldn't she be some beer belly, big nose doctor? No...she's just...
...making me rant like a prepubescent teenager. And I know this feeling because I've had it years ago, and I think that's what bothers me the most. I know where it led...I know how it ended and I don't want to go down the same path. She's giving me a headache...
...maybe I need to make another appointment with Pein...
Not to mention, she agitates me completely. At first it started with her skimming the surface and then all of a sudden it became a tough round of hardball. She has all she needs to know about my family, great; it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out I have family problems concerning my father. How I find it hard to sympathize for the man after being ignored for years...but he had his reasons so family just leaves me empathetic, maybe a little apathetic. Whoopie-Fuckin'-Doo. But no, just like every other god damn psychiatrist, she had to dig for more. She moved from the family topic since there was nothing else to get information from so now it's the whole "Why are you working at Hush?", "Why do you hate it so much?". She keeps flaunting my overly large manila folder at me, wanting to get to the center of it all. Why do I act the way I do? It's a simple concept, really...but I just...don't want to tell her anything. I just...don't trust her...at least I don't think I trust her.
The last time I trusted a woman with my emotions and feelings, it led me to...well...Hush. Kurenai, she gets under my skin, annoys the hell out of me and then sends me mixed signals to where I don't know if she's playing me or if she's actually flirting (I've never been great on interpreting that stuff to begin with). For awhile I thought it was annoying, it still is annoying, but now I'm looking for that bit of flirt or whatever the hell she does. Also...I don't like how she's extremely attractive, especially with the way she bites on the tip of her pen before writing down whatever bit of information on her notepad. Why couldn't she be some beer belly, big nose doctor? No...she's just...
...making me rant like a prepubescent teenager. And I know this feeling because I've had it years ago, and I think that's what bothers me the most. I know where it led...I know how it ended and I don't want to go down the same path. She's giving me a headache...
...maybe I need to make another appointment with Pein...