Fine day, Sunday. In my opinion, best day of the week.
I've been writing more, and I feel like something like a public blog will keep me honest and make me continue. So I'm back, with a new journal. This one is for my transition.
A brief backstory: 26 year old in regional Australia. Born female, December 2014 learned I'm happiest when I identify as male. Came out publicly as trans May 2015. Starting my physical transition December 2015. Engaged to J. But I'm sure everyone reading this already knows all of that. Hello everyone :)
So today, November 1st, marks a nice start date. I'm feeling really positive. Not feeling super great about my appearance today which is usually what sets off a spark in me. Mostly due to not taking care of my skin over the last couple of days. But I'm feeling positive and confident about my actions, and about what I've done today and what I'll do. I've put a stop to several bad habits as of today. Yesterday really was like All Hallows Eve, I let all my flaws and my demons and my hedonism and my weaknesses all hang out. I allowed myself to be stupid and greedy and indulgent, with the knowledge that yesterday was the last day of that. I decided that yesterday was my last hurrah for giving in, so I went all out and stayed up til all hours, eating whatever I could be bothered throwing together, being irresponsible and immature. Today, I woke up and felt more determined than ever to start making positive changes.
I've had a brilliant day so far. Woke up at 10am, much earlier than I expected given I stayed up last night to watch the rugby. Had puppy cuddles and play time and pats for the first hour of the day while listening to Beethoven and Alpine which made for a weird mix, but worked well. Then did something I've not done in months: lifted weights. I did a 5x5 stronglifts workout. Geez that's a beautiful app that makes lifting so easy. Well, tracking lifting.
I kept the weights really light, need to start small. Because I know that this will snowball into bigger weights and more progress. You know why I know that? Because I'm the one with the power to do that, and I choose that I will work and gain progress. I am making my choice in the present, and know I will carry on that decision in the future. This might sound really obvious but that philosophy has really shifted the way I think recently. I'm reminding myself when I'm tempted to do something stupid that won't help me "will future-me be proud of me for making this choice? will future me have to make excuses for the decisions I make today?" And turns out when I think it through like that, I make decisions future-me will be really happy about. Because future-me will be in a better place because of the decisions and actions I put into place today.
Anyway, after a long patient and music-filled weights session I had a long shower. About 3 or 4 songs long, which is how I best measure showers. I have a strange relationship with showers. Working from home allows me to be lazy and pretty disgusting when it comes to putting off bathing. But sometimes, usually on weekends, I allow myself a really long luxurious shower. I used the Old Spice body wash and shampoo some mates gave me in my bro-sket (a basket full of dude stuff for my birthday. Turns out that was an incredibly thoughtful gift because every time I use something from it I feel great. Thanks guys!) and used the nice exfoliating gloves and all that. Had a glass of ice cold water on the shower caddie while the steam from the probably too hot water fogged up around me. And then once I was satisfyingly clean, I turned the hot tap off and forced myself to stand in the cold water for about 10 seconds, just for the sensation.
After treating myself to all that I've been cleaning the house and listening to chill tunes from spotify's "cleaning" playlist. Plenty of stuff I know, a fair bit I don't, majority stuff I've really enjoyed. Only skipped one or two songs in the last hour+. That's a good rate. Paying for spotify has actually changed my life for the better, but that's a whole different rant.
I'm leaving in half an hour to meet J and then have dinner with some mates. May as well leave plenty of time to faff about. I'm very good at faffing. Things that should take 5 minutes take about 15.
Anyway, it's nice to connect with the keyboard again. I doubt all entries will be this long. I can't promise I'll post every day, but I'd like to throw something out there every now and again.
A brief backstory: 26 year old in regional Australia. Born female, December 2014 learned I'm happiest when I identify as male. Came out publicly as trans May 2015. Starting my physical transition December 2015. Engaged to J. But I'm sure everyone reading this already knows all of that. Hello everyone :)
So today, November 1st, marks a nice start date. I'm feeling really positive. Not feeling super great about my appearance today which is usually what sets off a spark in me. Mostly due to not taking care of my skin over the last couple of days. But I'm feeling positive and confident about my actions, and about what I've done today and what I'll do. I've put a stop to several bad habits as of today. Yesterday really was like All Hallows Eve, I let all my flaws and my demons and my hedonism and my weaknesses all hang out. I allowed myself to be stupid and greedy and indulgent, with the knowledge that yesterday was the last day of that. I decided that yesterday was my last hurrah for giving in, so I went all out and stayed up til all hours, eating whatever I could be bothered throwing together, being irresponsible and immature. Today, I woke up and felt more determined than ever to start making positive changes.
I've had a brilliant day so far. Woke up at 10am, much earlier than I expected given I stayed up last night to watch the rugby. Had puppy cuddles and play time and pats for the first hour of the day while listening to Beethoven and Alpine which made for a weird mix, but worked well. Then did something I've not done in months: lifted weights. I did a 5x5 stronglifts workout. Geez that's a beautiful app that makes lifting so easy. Well, tracking lifting.
I kept the weights really light, need to start small. Because I know that this will snowball into bigger weights and more progress. You know why I know that? Because I'm the one with the power to do that, and I choose that I will work and gain progress. I am making my choice in the present, and know I will carry on that decision in the future. This might sound really obvious but that philosophy has really shifted the way I think recently. I'm reminding myself when I'm tempted to do something stupid that won't help me "will future-me be proud of me for making this choice? will future me have to make excuses for the decisions I make today?" And turns out when I think it through like that, I make decisions future-me will be really happy about. Because future-me will be in a better place because of the decisions and actions I put into place today.
Anyway, after a long patient and music-filled weights session I had a long shower. About 3 or 4 songs long, which is how I best measure showers. I have a strange relationship with showers. Working from home allows me to be lazy and pretty disgusting when it comes to putting off bathing. But sometimes, usually on weekends, I allow myself a really long luxurious shower. I used the Old Spice body wash and shampoo some mates gave me in my bro-sket (a basket full of dude stuff for my birthday. Turns out that was an incredibly thoughtful gift because every time I use something from it I feel great. Thanks guys!) and used the nice exfoliating gloves and all that. Had a glass of ice cold water on the shower caddie while the steam from the probably too hot water fogged up around me. And then once I was satisfyingly clean, I turned the hot tap off and forced myself to stand in the cold water for about 10 seconds, just for the sensation.
After treating myself to all that I've been cleaning the house and listening to chill tunes from spotify's "cleaning" playlist. Plenty of stuff I know, a fair bit I don't, majority stuff I've really enjoyed. Only skipped one or two songs in the last hour+. That's a good rate. Paying for spotify has actually changed my life for the better, but that's a whole different rant.
I'm leaving in half an hour to meet J and then have dinner with some mates. May as well leave plenty of time to faff about. I'm very good at faffing. Things that should take 5 minutes take about 15.
Anyway, it's nice to connect with the keyboard again. I doubt all entries will be this long. I can't promise I'll post every day, but I'd like to throw something out there every now and again.