DREAMIN'
I had the strangest dream last night. I think it has something to do with my total lack of religion. Religion to me is something that may or may not happen. I'm waiting to see how I feel. I think this attitutde may be reflected in my totally fucked up dream.
I was married to a couple. I'm pretty sure this comes from Margaret Atwood's novel "The Handmaiden's Tale." Apparently I was a newly wed but the couple had been together. It was modern because I remember thinking about craigslist in the dream but we dressed like the Amish- the women at least. So the husband went out- it was night- and before I had sex with the husband I had to be made comfortable to the idea of sex with the wife. And I felt a bond with the wife. But in my fucked up dream before I had sex with the husband the wife would get me used to the idea and... feeling by sticking a Jesus on a stick umm... in me. This was to reiterate the holiness of the act. I realy really hated it and though it never happened in the situation in the dream I was dreaming the me who I was in the dream had done that before with the wife. Before I had sex with the husband I had to be comfortable with this whole Jesus stick thing. SoI hated the Jesus stick thing because I thought it was ultra creepy and the Jesus itself looked absolutely terrifying. And I confided to the wife how scared I was of it and how much I didn't like it and I thought we had an understanding.
But then the husband came home and the wife totally ratted me out. She had seemed so sympathetic when I was telling her how scary the Jesus was but apparently she was annoyed that I wouldn't get the show on the road. The husband was also really pissed and said that if I didn't start doing the Jesus thing he'd just rape me and forego the religiousocity of the event. I was scared and wanted to run away but there was nowhere for me to go. And this is when I thought of craigslist- and I also thought about the Handmaid's Tale like, "why do they need me anyway? Is it because she can't have children?"
So we wake up the next morning and I am feeling scared about the whole practice sex Jesus thing and I'm scared of the husband but me and the wife go to the common room and do daytime stuff. I was playing a game with other wives and kids and I caught this little kid cheating at the game and called him out. Then we stopped playing. A few minutes later the mom of the cheater came up to me and said everyone was talking about me. Like I had to rat out a kid and everyone was saying how petty I was that I couldn't just overlook the kid, he was just a kid afterall. But I stood straight up and walked over to the kid (but it was also addressed to the room) and said, "I don't care what you think about me or what people say about me. I am only judged by one person and that is God. So you may think I am petty but you are also a cheater and we must always follow the rules no matter how old or young we are. So I know that I am right and you are wrong. God knows that it is never right to cheat." It was like a final speech in a movie and I go sit back down with my wife and she looks at me like I am the wisest person and says, "what did that feel like?" Like, how I could go and confront everyone like that? And I say with this huge smile and a sense of peace, "It felt like God was telling me exactly what to say."
I'm not exactly sure what this means... do I believe in God but am scared of it? Its very strange.
I was married to a couple. I'm pretty sure this comes from Margaret Atwood's novel "The Handmaiden's Tale." Apparently I was a newly wed but the couple had been together. It was modern because I remember thinking about craigslist in the dream but we dressed like the Amish- the women at least. So the husband went out- it was night- and before I had sex with the husband I had to be made comfortable to the idea of sex with the wife. And I felt a bond with the wife. But in my fucked up dream before I had sex with the husband the wife would get me used to the idea and... feeling by sticking a Jesus on a stick umm... in me. This was to reiterate the holiness of the act. I realy really hated it and though it never happened in the situation in the dream I was dreaming the me who I was in the dream had done that before with the wife. Before I had sex with the husband I had to be comfortable with this whole Jesus stick thing. SoI hated the Jesus stick thing because I thought it was ultra creepy and the Jesus itself looked absolutely terrifying. And I confided to the wife how scared I was of it and how much I didn't like it and I thought we had an understanding.
But then the husband came home and the wife totally ratted me out. She had seemed so sympathetic when I was telling her how scary the Jesus was but apparently she was annoyed that I wouldn't get the show on the road. The husband was also really pissed and said that if I didn't start doing the Jesus thing he'd just rape me and forego the religiousocity of the event. I was scared and wanted to run away but there was nowhere for me to go. And this is when I thought of craigslist- and I also thought about the Handmaid's Tale like, "why do they need me anyway? Is it because she can't have children?"
So we wake up the next morning and I am feeling scared about the whole practice sex Jesus thing and I'm scared of the husband but me and the wife go to the common room and do daytime stuff. I was playing a game with other wives and kids and I caught this little kid cheating at the game and called him out. Then we stopped playing. A few minutes later the mom of the cheater came up to me and said everyone was talking about me. Like I had to rat out a kid and everyone was saying how petty I was that I couldn't just overlook the kid, he was just a kid afterall. But I stood straight up and walked over to the kid (but it was also addressed to the room) and said, "I don't care what you think about me or what people say about me. I am only judged by one person and that is God. So you may think I am petty but you are also a cheater and we must always follow the rules no matter how old or young we are. So I know that I am right and you are wrong. God knows that it is never right to cheat." It was like a final speech in a movie and I go sit back down with my wife and she looks at me like I am the wisest person and says, "what did that feel like?" Like, how I could go and confront everyone like that? And I say with this huge smile and a sense of peace, "It felt like God was telling me exactly what to say."
I'm not exactly sure what this means... do I believe in God but am scared of it? Its very strange.