we watched fireworks and i stopped myself from making the biggest mistake
i'm bored. i'm too hot. i'm writing about ecstacy. i have my photography exam starting on monday. i need to tidy my room. i need to tidy my kitchen. i need a better job. i need to get paid. i need some new jeans. i need to lie down. i need to sleep. i need to take photos of myself getting ready to go out, taking drugs, being sick, passing out, waking up feeling like shit. i like him. i'm a crap girlfriend. i can't find any socks. i get 30% of at LaSenza. i think i'm ill. i want to get stoned. i want it to be sunny. i want to go for a picnic in a field full of flowers and drink champagne and lie there until the stars come out. i want it to be saturday. i want to see you all. i want to live with my mum. i want to live with my dad. i want to live alone. i want to live in a studio in new york. i want to live in an apartment in london with high ceilings and a balcony. i want to go to glastonbury but i don't want to see kylie. i need to do my homework. i need to take the nail varnish off my toes. i want to download the new garbage song. i'd like a drink. i'd like a vodka and orange. i'd like an addiction so at least then i could be cured. i'd like to be enlightened by someone who knows. i would like an ipod and a computer that worked properely. i'd like smaller feet and thinner thighs. i wish i could do sign language. i wish i appreciated what i had. i'd like to not be so self-involved.
When you take a pill (ecstacy) you feel this warm fuzzy feeling rising from inside your stomach. you feel it spreading throughout your body and you just feel so good. Everything is amazing. This good feeling is inside you and its soaking into your mind like a sponge.
The songs they play are amazing, the people around you are amazing. you dance and dance and dance but it doens't feel like your dancing. It feels like your floating with the music. The lights are a bit brighter and you just stand in a crowd and smile because your so incredibly happy just because of one little pill you took that cost about £3. £3 for pure happiness.
Then you start to get hot. You try to drink your water but you can't swallow. You try to smoke your cigarette but you're not sure if it's lit. The lights are too bright. The music is too loud. You can feel the beat pulsing through your head and it hurts. You have to lie down. You have to sleep, sit down, pass out til this shit's out of your body. The people around you are dancing too fast, too slow and you can't keep up. You're not floating anymore, you're drowning.
You need to be sick. You can feel it inside you like it's alive. You panic that maybe you've swallowed rat poison. The lights in the toilets are too bright and everyone turns round and stares as you stumble in. You lean over, collapse over, the toilet and your mouth opens. You feel all the poison and shit pouring, flowing out of your mouth. Your stomach contract and you just fell it streaming out of you.
Hands appear. They hold back your hair. "It'll be ok. Do you want some water?" Voices, Voices and hands and vmoit and poison everywhere. Anf the lights. You close your eyes. The lights burn through your eyelids. You roll around into the back of your head and stay there. Safe in the dark, slumped over the vomit filled toilet until the hands and the voices lift you up and take you away.
When you take a pill (ecstacy) you feel this warm fuzzy feeling rising from inside your stomach. you feel it spreading throughout your body and you just feel so good. Everything is amazing. This good feeling is inside you and its soaking into your mind like a sponge.
The songs they play are amazing, the people around you are amazing. you dance and dance and dance but it doens't feel like your dancing. It feels like your floating with the music. The lights are a bit brighter and you just stand in a crowd and smile because your so incredibly happy just because of one little pill you took that cost about £3. £3 for pure happiness.
Then you start to get hot. You try to drink your water but you can't swallow. You try to smoke your cigarette but you're not sure if it's lit. The lights are too bright. The music is too loud. You can feel the beat pulsing through your head and it hurts. You have to lie down. You have to sleep, sit down, pass out til this shit's out of your body. The people around you are dancing too fast, too slow and you can't keep up. You're not floating anymore, you're drowning.
You need to be sick. You can feel it inside you like it's alive. You panic that maybe you've swallowed rat poison. The lights in the toilets are too bright and everyone turns round and stares as you stumble in. You lean over, collapse over, the toilet and your mouth opens. You feel all the poison and shit pouring, flowing out of your mouth. Your stomach contract and you just fell it streaming out of you.
Hands appear. They hold back your hair. "It'll be ok. Do you want some water?" Voices, Voices and hands and vmoit and poison everywhere. Anf the lights. You close your eyes. The lights burn through your eyelids. You roll around into the back of your head and stay there. Safe in the dark, slumped over the vomit filled toilet until the hands and the voices lift you up and take you away.