[Fic] Death Is A Game, Life Is The Prize (Oneshot)
Title: Death Is A Game, Life Is The Prize
Fandom: Zero: Ikkaku Senkin Game
Pairing: Hikawa Yuuki/Suezaki Seigi (Koseki Yuta/Mamiya Shotaro)
Warning: mentions of suicidal thoughts
Summary: It's different now. Now, there is someone carrying the responsibility of Yuuki's life.
A/N: written for chrysiida_tori as promised, set between episodes 7 and 8.
Death Is A Game, Life Is A Prize
He’s been relatively quiet ever since they got out of the building, too quiet, maybe. Too quiet for someone like Seigi. They wander around, it’s getting late anyway, and one by one, the attractions keep closing down. How many survived today? Yuuki doesn’t really care. The less that survive, the best for him.
He’s still not sure what he feels after today’s game, after having to lie strapped on that thing and listen to Zero’s annoying lecture about the importance of life in contrast to money. He still feels irritation inside, despite the smile he’s flashing to everyone. That guy probably has not experienced what it means to have to prioritize money, doesn’t know how it feels. A couple of hours ago, he was ready to throw all his concerns into the air, sacrifice them under that anchor, still with that smile on his face. Up until a couple of hours ago, there was only one person who could see through that smile.
Seigi. Yuuki turns, looks at him over his shoulder as they sit alone in the tent. Yuuki has no idea where the others are, couldn’t care less, doesn’t want them around. He doesn’t want anyone around, it’s already annoying that he can hear the faint voices of Zero and his friends from the other tent. But Seigi is different. They get along well, have clicked from the first moment, even though back then, he picked him only because he seemed to be the most convenient.
Seigi removes his shoes and drops them to the side, still quiet, and even though Yuuki could use the silence to just sit and think, and figure out what’s happening to him, he doesn’t want to. He reaches up, fingers touching the ring he got back from the guy, the ring he had been holding onto almost since the moment they got it. He trusted him with this, Yuuki realizes, and then feels his lips curling up again. For a moment, when he was still in that situation, when the anchor was swinging up and down, just inches away from his head, he really thought it would be nice to just perish like this. One more ring for Seigi, one step closer to his goal.
“What, are you gonna be mad at me now?” he asks, that light, carefree tone that leans towards teasing sometimes, and Seigi does look at him now, pierces him with one of those expressions that reveal anger, and impatience, but concern as well. Then he sighs, rolls his eyes to the ceiling, and stays like this.
“I’d punch you so hard right now, just so you know.”
“It can’t be worse than the anchor.” Yuuki replies, the hint of a chuckle in his voice, and he kicks his own shoes away, strips himself of his jacket as well. “I thought you’d be proud that I didn’t kill Zero.”
“I’m mostly speechless that you thought you could literally risk your head like that.”
Yuuki raises an eyebrow. “As if you wouldn’t risk it if it could earn you extra rings.”
Seigi leans closer now, grabs him by the collar, his hold strong and steady, but not painful. Yuuki sees it better now, the exasperation. He didn’t expect to be stared at the way he was when he found Seigi waiting for him outside Kotaro’s little demonic kingdom. It’s one of the things he has to think about, one of the emotions he has to deal with. “I would never walk into a game feeling happy that the chance of dying is so high.” He says, voice low but shaking a little with distress, and Yuuki feels his smile slipping off his lips, drops from his chin down on the ground.
He doesn’t know how to respond to this, and Seigi must have realized, because moments later, he lets go of him and lies down, exhaling deeply, still sounding vexed. There’s the venomous kind of silence between them now, and Yuuki slowly joins him, lies next to him carefully, wonders why his body feels so weird, why there’s some creepy swelling inside, his stomach scratching at the edges. He’s lying on his back, but Seigi is lying next to him on his side with his back turned on him, and maybe he doesn’t even want to be here.
“I could give you my rings.” He lets out, stares upwards, but there’s no response from Seigi. “You’d outnumber them all, and go straight for the big prize.”
Seigi scoffs. “And here I thought you hadn’t given up on the money.”
Yuuki laughs quietly, and it sounds pathetic even to his ears. “I’m only alive because Zero was annoyingly stubborn.”
There’s a rustling sound, Seigi turning on his side now, and Yuuki turns his head as well, eyeing him curiously. The previous anger is gone from Seigi’s eyes, replaced by a weird kind of mockery.
“Why did you approach me if you only came here to take things lightly?” he asks, makes that itching feeling in Yuuki’s stomach intensify. He shrugs.
“To be honest, I didn’t think you’d be the type to be concerned whether someone lives or dies.”
“I’m not that type.” Seigi replies immediately, sounds more like he’s trying to convince himself than Yuuki, and the latter nods, hums in fascination, studying his face a little more. He’s heard so many opinions from the others, all of them negative, all of them untrue, because even his own aniki doesn’t seem to be able to read him. Find his true colors.
“So, are you mad at me or not?” he asks now, his voice coming out with great difficulty for some reason, and Seigi lifts his hand again, forms a fist, presses it against his forehead. It startles Yuuki, he has to be honest, but he doesn’t move, doesn’t even try to shove the hand away. It’s definitely less scary that the anchor.
“Are you still with me? After everything? Are you sticking with me?” he asks, his voice needy and demanding and a little dangerous, kinda like the threats he has been showering everyone with until now. Yuuki falls silent at that, thinks a little, ponders. Is it a trick question or what?
“You know I am.” He answers in the end, and Seigi loosens his fist, spreads his fingers as he lowers his hand to Yuuki’s face, stops at his neck. Yuuki can feel his own pulse now, hammering against Seigi’s fingers, and he wishes, only for a moment that he could predict the future, just to know if he’s gonna get choked. Seigi’s lips twitch, his face hardening all of a sudden.
“Then you’re not allowed to do what you did today again. If you’re not gonna take care of your life properly, then you’re entrusting it to me, along with your rings.”
He doesn’t mean it literally of course, not after he handed him the other ring back, but there’s something very intense about those words, something that touches Yuuki way more than Zero’s speech that he’s heard a million times in dramas before. His hand moves on its own, rests on Seigi’s that’s still loosely wrapped around his neck, and he stares at him, has no idea what to say. His stomach actually hurts now, and the feeling of his pulse is making him dizzy. It feels a little like he’s tied again, although this time, it feels safer, much safer…
“Deal.” Is all he manages to say with his hoarse voice, before his mouth is covered, trapped between Seigi’s lips, and he wouldn’t dare trade that for the world’s money. His fingers slide between Seigi’s, search for comfort he didn’t know he needed, and he parts his lips, gives Seigi all the entrance and the rights he’s asking for. Seigi’s fingers squeeze back against his, still rest on his neck, and he goes deeper into the kiss, orders for more, tongue and teeth working their way further inside, until the air leaves Yuuki’s lungs almost completely. He cranes his neck and arches his back, and Seigi is even closer, body pressed hard against Yuuki’s, the only way he knows to convey his feelings.
But Yuuki doesn’t mind, wants that rough treatment that’s actually not rough at all, wants that reassurance, the cure to his loneliness, knowing that his life really does matter to someone, that someone would truly be unhappy if he had died. And not just because it’d be one life lost, but because it’d be him, Yuuki, no one else.
Seigi pulls back eventually, enough to be able to look at Yuuki in the eyes, and it’s such an overwhelming emotion that Yuuki cannot even try to fake a smile anymore. He’s just staring, mouth still a little open, drawing air in hungrily, and then Seigi is lying next to him again, his fingers still entwined with Yuuki’s. There is no need for words to be exchanged, no need for anything, actually.
Sleep, is what Seigi wants to say, but he doesn’t, he just lets Yuuki guess it, and the latter nods, closes his eyes slowly, relives the moment in his mind, his heart. Maybe they should drop their hands, maybe it will be a problem if the others come in and see, but he doesn’t want to let go. Not yet.
And then he feels something on him, and he opens his eyes, just to see that it’s his jacket Seigi has covered him with it, successfully hiding their joined hands from the rest of the world. And just like that, the smile is back on Yuuki’s face, and he can close his eyes and drift to sleep, feeling lighter than ever. Feeling happy that he made it out alive.
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Fandom: Zero: Ikkaku Senkin Game
Pairing: Hikawa Yuuki/Suezaki Seigi (Koseki Yuta/Mamiya Shotaro)
Warning: mentions of suicidal thoughts
Summary: It's different now. Now, there is someone carrying the responsibility of Yuuki's life.
A/N: written for chrysiida_tori as promised, set between episodes 7 and 8.
Death Is A Game, Life Is A Prize
He’s been relatively quiet ever since they got out of the building, too quiet, maybe. Too quiet for someone like Seigi. They wander around, it’s getting late anyway, and one by one, the attractions keep closing down. How many survived today? Yuuki doesn’t really care. The less that survive, the best for him.
He’s still not sure what he feels after today’s game, after having to lie strapped on that thing and listen to Zero’s annoying lecture about the importance of life in contrast to money. He still feels irritation inside, despite the smile he’s flashing to everyone. That guy probably has not experienced what it means to have to prioritize money, doesn’t know how it feels. A couple of hours ago, he was ready to throw all his concerns into the air, sacrifice them under that anchor, still with that smile on his face. Up until a couple of hours ago, there was only one person who could see through that smile.
Seigi. Yuuki turns, looks at him over his shoulder as they sit alone in the tent. Yuuki has no idea where the others are, couldn’t care less, doesn’t want them around. He doesn’t want anyone around, it’s already annoying that he can hear the faint voices of Zero and his friends from the other tent. But Seigi is different. They get along well, have clicked from the first moment, even though back then, he picked him only because he seemed to be the most convenient.
Seigi removes his shoes and drops them to the side, still quiet, and even though Yuuki could use the silence to just sit and think, and figure out what’s happening to him, he doesn’t want to. He reaches up, fingers touching the ring he got back from the guy, the ring he had been holding onto almost since the moment they got it. He trusted him with this, Yuuki realizes, and then feels his lips curling up again. For a moment, when he was still in that situation, when the anchor was swinging up and down, just inches away from his head, he really thought it would be nice to just perish like this. One more ring for Seigi, one step closer to his goal.
“What, are you gonna be mad at me now?” he asks, that light, carefree tone that leans towards teasing sometimes, and Seigi does look at him now, pierces him with one of those expressions that reveal anger, and impatience, but concern as well. Then he sighs, rolls his eyes to the ceiling, and stays like this.
“I’d punch you so hard right now, just so you know.”
“It can’t be worse than the anchor.” Yuuki replies, the hint of a chuckle in his voice, and he kicks his own shoes away, strips himself of his jacket as well. “I thought you’d be proud that I didn’t kill Zero.”
“I’m mostly speechless that you thought you could literally risk your head like that.”
Yuuki raises an eyebrow. “As if you wouldn’t risk it if it could earn you extra rings.”
Seigi leans closer now, grabs him by the collar, his hold strong and steady, but not painful. Yuuki sees it better now, the exasperation. He didn’t expect to be stared at the way he was when he found Seigi waiting for him outside Kotaro’s little demonic kingdom. It’s one of the things he has to think about, one of the emotions he has to deal with. “I would never walk into a game feeling happy that the chance of dying is so high.” He says, voice low but shaking a little with distress, and Yuuki feels his smile slipping off his lips, drops from his chin down on the ground.
He doesn’t know how to respond to this, and Seigi must have realized, because moments later, he lets go of him and lies down, exhaling deeply, still sounding vexed. There’s the venomous kind of silence between them now, and Yuuki slowly joins him, lies next to him carefully, wonders why his body feels so weird, why there’s some creepy swelling inside, his stomach scratching at the edges. He’s lying on his back, but Seigi is lying next to him on his side with his back turned on him, and maybe he doesn’t even want to be here.
“I could give you my rings.” He lets out, stares upwards, but there’s no response from Seigi. “You’d outnumber them all, and go straight for the big prize.”
Seigi scoffs. “And here I thought you hadn’t given up on the money.”
Yuuki laughs quietly, and it sounds pathetic even to his ears. “I’m only alive because Zero was annoyingly stubborn.”
There’s a rustling sound, Seigi turning on his side now, and Yuuki turns his head as well, eyeing him curiously. The previous anger is gone from Seigi’s eyes, replaced by a weird kind of mockery.
“Why did you approach me if you only came here to take things lightly?” he asks, makes that itching feeling in Yuuki’s stomach intensify. He shrugs.
“To be honest, I didn’t think you’d be the type to be concerned whether someone lives or dies.”
“I’m not that type.” Seigi replies immediately, sounds more like he’s trying to convince himself than Yuuki, and the latter nods, hums in fascination, studying his face a little more. He’s heard so many opinions from the others, all of them negative, all of them untrue, because even his own aniki doesn’t seem to be able to read him. Find his true colors.
“So, are you mad at me or not?” he asks now, his voice coming out with great difficulty for some reason, and Seigi lifts his hand again, forms a fist, presses it against his forehead. It startles Yuuki, he has to be honest, but he doesn’t move, doesn’t even try to shove the hand away. It’s definitely less scary that the anchor.
“Are you still with me? After everything? Are you sticking with me?” he asks, his voice needy and demanding and a little dangerous, kinda like the threats he has been showering everyone with until now. Yuuki falls silent at that, thinks a little, ponders. Is it a trick question or what?
“You know I am.” He answers in the end, and Seigi loosens his fist, spreads his fingers as he lowers his hand to Yuuki’s face, stops at his neck. Yuuki can feel his own pulse now, hammering against Seigi’s fingers, and he wishes, only for a moment that he could predict the future, just to know if he’s gonna get choked. Seigi’s lips twitch, his face hardening all of a sudden.
“Then you’re not allowed to do what you did today again. If you’re not gonna take care of your life properly, then you’re entrusting it to me, along with your rings.”
He doesn’t mean it literally of course, not after he handed him the other ring back, but there’s something very intense about those words, something that touches Yuuki way more than Zero’s speech that he’s heard a million times in dramas before. His hand moves on its own, rests on Seigi’s that’s still loosely wrapped around his neck, and he stares at him, has no idea what to say. His stomach actually hurts now, and the feeling of his pulse is making him dizzy. It feels a little like he’s tied again, although this time, it feels safer, much safer…
“Deal.” Is all he manages to say with his hoarse voice, before his mouth is covered, trapped between Seigi’s lips, and he wouldn’t dare trade that for the world’s money. His fingers slide between Seigi’s, search for comfort he didn’t know he needed, and he parts his lips, gives Seigi all the entrance and the rights he’s asking for. Seigi’s fingers squeeze back against his, still rest on his neck, and he goes deeper into the kiss, orders for more, tongue and teeth working their way further inside, until the air leaves Yuuki’s lungs almost completely. He cranes his neck and arches his back, and Seigi is even closer, body pressed hard against Yuuki’s, the only way he knows to convey his feelings.
But Yuuki doesn’t mind, wants that rough treatment that’s actually not rough at all, wants that reassurance, the cure to his loneliness, knowing that his life really does matter to someone, that someone would truly be unhappy if he had died. And not just because it’d be one life lost, but because it’d be him, Yuuki, no one else.
Seigi pulls back eventually, enough to be able to look at Yuuki in the eyes, and it’s such an overwhelming emotion that Yuuki cannot even try to fake a smile anymore. He’s just staring, mouth still a little open, drawing air in hungrily, and then Seigi is lying next to him again, his fingers still entwined with Yuuki’s. There is no need for words to be exchanged, no need for anything, actually.
Sleep, is what Seigi wants to say, but he doesn’t, he just lets Yuuki guess it, and the latter nods, closes his eyes slowly, relives the moment in his mind, his heart. Maybe they should drop their hands, maybe it will be a problem if the others come in and see, but he doesn’t want to let go. Not yet.
And then he feels something on him, and he opens his eyes, just to see that it’s his jacket Seigi has covered him with it, successfully hiding their joined hands from the rest of the world. And just like that, the smile is back on Yuuki’s face, and he can close his eyes and drift to sleep, feeling lighter than ever. Feeling happy that he made it out alive.
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