Things that happened this weekend:
Things that happened this weekend:
Things that happened this weekend
1. Went to Alabama with brother, hauling 5 plastic pallets, a dog house, a broken lawn mower wagon, 5 pieces of plywood, a broken coffee table, 8 rifles and 3000 round of ammunition all strapped onto a shortbed quad cab Tacoma
2. Watched a kickass episode of BSG at midnight with mother present who constantly kept asking who everyone was and why they were doing what they were doing.
3. Got up at 6 freaking am to eat breakfast at a little rural cafe with a bunch of old men who engaged in oddly amusing old men banter.
4. Went to a shed looking for junk/treasures.
5. Waited at shed for the owner and my uncle who had bought a '73 Torino stored in the shed with only 50k original miles on it for 2 hours while said uncle went 2 counties over to track down his wife who took the keys to said '73 Torino with her when she left to go yard sale shopping in the rich folk's neighborhood's community yard sale.
6. Looked around in the shed and found old things that were supposedly all for sale but when I mentioned I wanted to purchase it the shed's owner would say " ummm I am keeping that" and would go put it in his truck.
7. As cited, loaded a nonfunctional '73 Torino onto a trailer that was not meant to carry cars using a come-along, and wood scraps pulled off the shed.
8. Took pictures of the wiring in the shed as it was some sort of torture chamber for OCD safety inspectors. It appeared whenever the old man wanted more lighting, fans or power, be grabbed whatever wiring was available, including extension cords and Christmas lights and daisy chained it along the ceiling over a 50 year period.
9. Finally talked the shed owner into selling me a lawn mower wagon, a stop sign, and a set of horns for $10.
10. Went to get tasty pork BBQ and ribs at a rural Alabama restaurant that was built onto the side of an abandoned concrete block building using old plywood and what appeared to be reused/found/salvaged building supplies and furniture. Best BBQ within a 300 mile radius.
11. Went into a pasture, with a cattle pond and shot at things, including a spinner target, a dog bowl suspended with weedeater line, a huge electric motor armored in a 2" thick cast aluminum housing, a giant gourd, a gas cylinder (full) and a floating Coke bottles. High powered rifles made excellent holes in assorted items.
12. Went to pick poke salad (poke salit for the city folks).
13. Acquired a mysterious liquid substance from an independent manufacturer. Was told why supplier had singed eyebrows and 2nd degree burns, " I told that damned fool (helper) to go get the jug of diesel and throw it on the fire to help get the stove going and he can back in with a jug of gasoline and threw the whole damned thing in the stove." The resulting explosion blew both men across the room and destroyed the stove and the chimney.
14. Acquired a fresh ostrich egg for planned later shenanigans.
15. Dragged a set of old bedsrpings around a pasture with a 4 wheeler to spread out cow poop.
16. Explored/looted a haunted house. The house was haunted by a haint named Mr. Lee who wore a white suit and had a white beard. Mocked Mr. Lee by saying we were going to be haunted by Colonel Sanders. Promptly fell through floor of haunted house. Left haunted house.
17. Went to a junk pile and found a bunch of old glass insulators from powerlines and acquired many of those in varying colors and sizes.
18. Went to a burned down house and acquired bricks to build a sidewalk with.
19. Went to the site of my great aunt's house and acquired rocks to build stairs with at a lake house in central Alabama.
20. Visited 2 more sheds in assorted locations and acquired tiles, glass blocks, a concrete mixer and an old hat.
21. Noticed severe sunburn.
22. Showered and went to a steakhouse that recently changed names and owners. Waitress was owner's wife who was apparently a real bitch to the other workers Waitress screwed up order. Food was late, cold and incomplete. A short conversation with the manager resulted in free food. Other workers greatly amused.
23. Had strange political conversation where otherwise intelligent people declared Barrack Obama was "a black n***** muslim". All agreed that if elected, he would likely be the target of numerous assignation attempts; points of view on reasons never reconciled.
24. Traveled back to Mississippi in a truck filled with acquired mystery liquid substance, more firearms than we originally started with, an ostrich egg, a back seat full of coolers, a bunch of brick and rock on the bed, and a large pile of glass insulators from powerlines.
25. Was waved through 2 police roadblocks after spending an uncomfortable amount of time contemplating how to explain contents of the truck to police officers and the possibility of spending the night in a jail in Corinth, MS.
26. Learned of a talking pug dog named Santiago who preferred to be called "Doug". Doug the pug unanimously named new favorite talking dog.
27. Arrived home at 1AM. Unloaded truck. Went to bed.28. Hid ostrich egg in neighbor's henhouse.
29. Awoke with continued severe sunburn that included fluid filled blisters.
30. Wrote down weekend timeline.
31. Forgot to write down that my father was riding along in a white Mustanf the night MLK got shot and was pulled over and asked if they had any guns in teh cars. There were no guns, just a trunk loaded with stolen watermelons as he and his friend had been out stealing watermelons.
Things that happened this weekend
1. Went to Alabama with brother, hauling 5 plastic pallets, a dog house, a broken lawn mower wagon, 5 pieces of plywood, a broken coffee table, 8 rifles and 3000 round of ammunition all strapped onto a shortbed quad cab Tacoma
2. Watched a kickass episode of BSG at midnight with mother present who constantly kept asking who everyone was and why they were doing what they were doing.
3. Got up at 6 freaking am to eat breakfast at a little rural cafe with a bunch of old men who engaged in oddly amusing old men banter.
4. Went to a shed looking for junk/treasures.
5. Waited at shed for the owner and my uncle who had bought a '73 Torino stored in the shed with only 50k original miles on it for 2 hours while said uncle went 2 counties over to track down his wife who took the keys to said '73 Torino with her when she left to go yard sale shopping in the rich folk's neighborhood's community yard sale.
6. Looked around in the shed and found old things that were supposedly all for sale but when I mentioned I wanted to purchase it the shed's owner would say " ummm I am keeping that" and would go put it in his truck.
7. As cited, loaded a nonfunctional '73 Torino onto a trailer that was not meant to carry cars using a come-along, and wood scraps pulled off the shed.
8. Took pictures of the wiring in the shed as it was some sort of torture chamber for OCD safety inspectors. It appeared whenever the old man wanted more lighting, fans or power, be grabbed whatever wiring was available, including extension cords and Christmas lights and daisy chained it along the ceiling over a 50 year period.
9. Finally talked the shed owner into selling me a lawn mower wagon, a stop sign, and a set of horns for $10.
10. Went to get tasty pork BBQ and ribs at a rural Alabama restaurant that was built onto the side of an abandoned concrete block building using old plywood and what appeared to be reused/found/salvaged building supplies and furniture. Best BBQ within a 300 mile radius.
11. Went into a pasture, with a cattle pond and shot at things, including a spinner target, a dog bowl suspended with weedeater line, a huge electric motor armored in a 2" thick cast aluminum housing, a giant gourd, a gas cylinder (full) and a floating Coke bottles. High powered rifles made excellent holes in assorted items.
12. Went to pick poke salad (poke salit for the city folks).
13. Acquired a mysterious liquid substance from an independent manufacturer. Was told why supplier had singed eyebrows and 2nd degree burns, " I told that damned fool (helper) to go get the jug of diesel and throw it on the fire to help get the stove going and he can back in with a jug of gasoline and threw the whole damned thing in the stove." The resulting explosion blew both men across the room and destroyed the stove and the chimney.
14. Acquired a fresh ostrich egg for planned later shenanigans.
15. Dragged a set of old bedsrpings around a pasture with a 4 wheeler to spread out cow poop.
16. Explored/looted a haunted house. The house was haunted by a haint named Mr. Lee who wore a white suit and had a white beard. Mocked Mr. Lee by saying we were going to be haunted by Colonel Sanders. Promptly fell through floor of haunted house. Left haunted house.
17. Went to a junk pile and found a bunch of old glass insulators from powerlines and acquired many of those in varying colors and sizes.
18. Went to a burned down house and acquired bricks to build a sidewalk with.
19. Went to the site of my great aunt's house and acquired rocks to build stairs with at a lake house in central Alabama.
20. Visited 2 more sheds in assorted locations and acquired tiles, glass blocks, a concrete mixer and an old hat.
21. Noticed severe sunburn.
22. Showered and went to a steakhouse that recently changed names and owners. Waitress was owner's wife who was apparently a real bitch to the other workers Waitress screwed up order. Food was late, cold and incomplete. A short conversation with the manager resulted in free food. Other workers greatly amused.
23. Had strange political conversation where otherwise intelligent people declared Barrack Obama was "a black n***** muslim". All agreed that if elected, he would likely be the target of numerous assignation attempts; points of view on reasons never reconciled.
24. Traveled back to Mississippi in a truck filled with acquired mystery liquid substance, more firearms than we originally started with, an ostrich egg, a back seat full of coolers, a bunch of brick and rock on the bed, and a large pile of glass insulators from powerlines.
25. Was waved through 2 police roadblocks after spending an uncomfortable amount of time contemplating how to explain contents of the truck to police officers and the possibility of spending the night in a jail in Corinth, MS.
26. Learned of a talking pug dog named Santiago who preferred to be called "Doug". Doug the pug unanimously named new favorite talking dog.
27. Arrived home at 1AM. Unloaded truck. Went to bed.28. Hid ostrich egg in neighbor's henhouse.
29. Awoke with continued severe sunburn that included fluid filled blisters.
30. Wrote down weekend timeline.
31. Forgot to write down that my father was riding along in a white Mustanf the night MLK got shot and was pulled over and asked if they had any guns in teh cars. There were no guns, just a trunk loaded with stolen watermelons as he and his friend had been out stealing watermelons.