Is there no solace for the broken?
I'm only typing things that come into my head at the moment. I'll decide later if I want to post them or not, seeing as though I have plenty of time before I can actually fall asleep.
Well, it's now the 50th consecutive day without any contact with anyone I'd enjoy being in the same room with, so I'm a tad on edge. Been thinking, seeing as that's about the only thing to do when you're holed up in your room for 60 hours a week (not counting sleep) I'm desperately seeking a social life and / or a girlfriend. Anything that'll get me out of the house really. My depression is gradually getting worse, I'm losing weight again, my diet's gone down the shitter, I don't have enough energy for the very few hours I have at work anymore, and I'm getting an average of an hour and a half of sleep at night due to nightmares, cold sweats, and my mind racing. Also, my taste in music has devolved to what I used to listen to about 5 years ago. Fuck metal, but it's the only thing I feel like listening to.
Ah. I finally figured out what I need in my life! A woman. (who the fuck figured?) but! I also went through and listed every miniscule detail about what I want! (lot's to do when you're lying awake in bed for 6 hours) Let's list them shall we? I don't wanna forget.
I want someone who only has eyes for me. Who never calls me names or pokes fun at me. Someone who goes out of their way to make me feel special. Someone who will hold me in their arms and tell me everything's going to be okay and not to worry because they love me. Calls me cute. Not manly or handsome, but cute. glasses a plus. A nerdy girl who likes me for the nerd I am. A gamer, sweet, innocent, timid, shy, cute, an introvert. Someone who is infuriated by the stupidity of others, yet is aware of their own shortcomings. Likes baby animals. Someone who will answer "yes my darling?" when I call their name. Who isn't shocked or appauled by the rude things I say in jest. Someone who'll never leave me or make me cry. Thinks getting flowers is stupid. Perfect date: a quiet night at home together, light dinner, gaming or watching a movie snuggled close together under a blanket, and maybe a fuck before turning the lights out and spending the night in eachothers' arms.
I could think of more later, but I feel a back spasm coming on, so back to bed I go.
More in the life of the reality drifter after these brief messages.