Connections
I think the most amazing thing about embarking on a journey like the one I'm on is the people you meet along the way. Tonight officially began the HUC orientation process. We were split up into 8 groups to discuss the milestones in our Jewish life that brought us to HUC and to Israel, on this journey to becoming Jewish professionals. My story is not one that digs deep into hidden areas of my past, but sharing my story with people I don't really know that well made me feel very exposed and vulnerable - a state I don't tend to find myself in much anymore. I never considered myself to be closed off by any means, but I have noticed since I've been here that I've been a lot more careful and reserved about sharing a lot of myself with other people.
I realized this evening that, in getting to meet all of these amazing new people, I haven't really gotten to spend one-on-one time with anyone. Tonight after our orientation program was my first real chance. I went to Ben Yehuda for ice cream with a couple rabbinical students and got a chance to begin really talking to one of them, which was the first time I've felt like I've shared anything real about myself by choice since I arrived two weeks ago. Then, another student and I walked home together. We took the long way through the beautiful, cool Jerusalem night, and I finally felt like I was getting to know one person. He and I talked about families, about being in Jerusalem and the adjustment/culture shock... just casual talk, but it was a great feeling. Still, knowing that I'm about to open myself up again is scary. Our interns told us tonight that in order to get everything we can out of this program, we need to allow ourselves to be vulnerable and open. I'm not going to change who I am to be liked, but I'm so afraid of making the same mistakes again. In spite of the friendships I've been forming here, tonight was the first time I really felt a one-on-one connection. I feel connected to the people I've been spending my time with, but it's never been from sitting down one-on-one and just being open and talking, wanting nothing more than to enjoy the company of the other person and wanting to get to know them while wanting them to know more about me. Is that really weird?
Tomorrow the real stuff begins - 8:30 AM Tefilah. Until next time, then!
I realized this evening that, in getting to meet all of these amazing new people, I haven't really gotten to spend one-on-one time with anyone. Tonight after our orientation program was my first real chance. I went to Ben Yehuda for ice cream with a couple rabbinical students and got a chance to begin really talking to one of them, which was the first time I've felt like I've shared anything real about myself by choice since I arrived two weeks ago. Then, another student and I walked home together. We took the long way through the beautiful, cool Jerusalem night, and I finally felt like I was getting to know one person. He and I talked about families, about being in Jerusalem and the adjustment/culture shock... just casual talk, but it was a great feeling. Still, knowing that I'm about to open myself up again is scary. Our interns told us tonight that in order to get everything we can out of this program, we need to allow ourselves to be vulnerable and open. I'm not going to change who I am to be liked, but I'm so afraid of making the same mistakes again. In spite of the friendships I've been forming here, tonight was the first time I really felt a one-on-one connection. I feel connected to the people I've been spending my time with, but it's never been from sitting down one-on-one and just being open and talking, wanting nothing more than to enjoy the company of the other person and wanting to get to know them while wanting them to know more about me. Is that really weird?
Tomorrow the real stuff begins - 8:30 AM Tefilah. Until next time, then!