(no subject)
okay, so i went to my new doctor today. i REALLY like her. she runs the office herself, no secretary. she doesn't do prescription samples, and her office isn't decorated with advertisements for pills. i like her a lot.
she requested i get a helluva lot of bloodwork done, as well as getting an x-ray of my hands... she doubts it's rheumatoid arthritis, but wants a baseline just in case.
she suggested that i follow the dr. weil anti-inflammatory food pyramid. i just spent a few minutes looking it over, and i immediately started to freak out.
*i TRY to do these things already
*eating 4-5 servings of veg and 3-4 servings of fruit, preferably fresh and organic, every day... fucking expensive! and difficult! i'm trying really hard to increase the numbers of fruits and veg i eat, i am. but fuck, i don't LIKE a lot of them. i don't digest raw foods well, cooking is difficult and time-consuming for me, and... grah, complete mental fucking breakdown.
*the dr. weil plan wants you to count carbs, calories, calculate percentages of protein/carbs/fats/etc... i will not fucking count a goddamn thing. obviously, i can't eat JUST string cheese. i mean, i could, but i'd regret it. so something/someone wants me to count? i might just eat string cheese in rebellion.
*ew fuck no i won't eat salmon or anchovies, fuck that noise. i'm lucky to eat tilapia or haddock. fish weirds me the fuck out.
*did i mention EXPENSIVE and TIME-CONSUMING and THERE ARE ONLY A COUPLE VEGETABLES I LIKE TO EAT?
i'm really disheartened by this food thing. having to think about what i eat, beyond ethical or how it makes me feel physically, immediately feels like a calorie-restriction-for-weight-loss diet and i absolutely fucking refuse to do that. i don't like being hungry, and prolonged hunger makes me cranky and miserable and i'd rather be fucking fat than deal with that brand of misery.
"normal" vegetables that i continually try to eat, in a variety of preparations/inclusions, but still hate with the passion of a thousand burning suns:
*onions (white, green, red, whatever, i don't like onions)
*tomatoes (although i LOVE sundrieds)
*peppers (sweet, hot, bell, whatever, i don't like peppers)
i'm getting a little better about potatoes. i still generally dislike mushrooms, although i can occasionally handle white button mushrooms if they're diced really fine. but those three are the big three that are in virtually every recipe ever, relatively inexpensive, and easy to prepare and add to just about everything.
i hate that i'm such a whiny fucking baby about this. i hate that i have a strong NO reaction to food. i know that part of it is defensive because i am so fat and it's easier for me to judge myself than wait for everyone else/the doctor/whoever to do judge me. i don't know. i just hate having this reaction.
i know that if i was eating slightly differently that yeah, my health would likely be better. but fuck, i truly don't eat that much. today i had about 10 almonds, and i went to mcdonald's (ugh) and got two hash browns and some oj. it's 1:15pm, and that's ALL i've eaten today. yeah, i'm really hungry but there's only rice to make but dammit i want some vegetables with my rice, and we don't have any. i don't have the physical or mental energy for a quick grocery run because i have to save what i do have to go shopping with my mom for new apartment stuff because we NEED to do that. i don't know.
i'm frustrated.
she requested i get a helluva lot of bloodwork done, as well as getting an x-ray of my hands... she doubts it's rheumatoid arthritis, but wants a baseline just in case.
she suggested that i follow the dr. weil anti-inflammatory food pyramid. i just spent a few minutes looking it over, and i immediately started to freak out.
*i TRY to do these things already
*eating 4-5 servings of veg and 3-4 servings of fruit, preferably fresh and organic, every day... fucking expensive! and difficult! i'm trying really hard to increase the numbers of fruits and veg i eat, i am. but fuck, i don't LIKE a lot of them. i don't digest raw foods well, cooking is difficult and time-consuming for me, and... grah, complete mental fucking breakdown.
*the dr. weil plan wants you to count carbs, calories, calculate percentages of protein/carbs/fats/etc... i will not fucking count a goddamn thing. obviously, i can't eat JUST string cheese. i mean, i could, but i'd regret it. so something/someone wants me to count? i might just eat string cheese in rebellion.
*ew fuck no i won't eat salmon or anchovies, fuck that noise. i'm lucky to eat tilapia or haddock. fish weirds me the fuck out.
*did i mention EXPENSIVE and TIME-CONSUMING and THERE ARE ONLY A COUPLE VEGETABLES I LIKE TO EAT?
i'm really disheartened by this food thing. having to think about what i eat, beyond ethical or how it makes me feel physically, immediately feels like a calorie-restriction-for-weight-loss diet and i absolutely fucking refuse to do that. i don't like being hungry, and prolonged hunger makes me cranky and miserable and i'd rather be fucking fat than deal with that brand of misery.
"normal" vegetables that i continually try to eat, in a variety of preparations/inclusions, but still hate with the passion of a thousand burning suns:
*onions (white, green, red, whatever, i don't like onions)
*tomatoes (although i LOVE sundrieds)
*peppers (sweet, hot, bell, whatever, i don't like peppers)
i'm getting a little better about potatoes. i still generally dislike mushrooms, although i can occasionally handle white button mushrooms if they're diced really fine. but those three are the big three that are in virtually every recipe ever, relatively inexpensive, and easy to prepare and add to just about everything.
i hate that i'm such a whiny fucking baby about this. i hate that i have a strong NO reaction to food. i know that part of it is defensive because i am so fat and it's easier for me to judge myself than wait for everyone else/the doctor/whoever to do judge me. i don't know. i just hate having this reaction.
i know that if i was eating slightly differently that yeah, my health would likely be better. but fuck, i truly don't eat that much. today i had about 10 almonds, and i went to mcdonald's (ugh) and got two hash browns and some oj. it's 1:15pm, and that's ALL i've eaten today. yeah, i'm really hungry but there's only rice to make but dammit i want some vegetables with my rice, and we don't have any. i don't have the physical or mental energy for a quick grocery run because i have to save what i do have to go shopping with my mom for new apartment stuff because we NEED to do that. i don't know.
i'm frustrated.