in which i make a brain dump
it's been a couple days since i last wrote. i've entered the itchy stage. a couple days ago i noticed that instead of incisions i have puffy seams that have yet to scab over. this is definitely progress. i have sensation in my left nipple, and mostly i've been feeling pain in it as it hardens with cold... damn oscillating fan! i have a love-hate relationship with it right now. my right nipple, as i found out this morning, will harden, but so far i have no sensation in it. hopefully this will change as i continue to heal.
i'm not sure if i mentioned it yet in another post, but i busted a stitch or two under my right breast. i was doing too much too fast. so i've cut down on the time i'm spending upright, which is difficult. i FEEL good. sure, i'm itchy and i have the uncomfortables, and every couple hours i get random stabby pains (to be expected as nerves heal), but overall i feel good. laying low is tough.
in fact, i've realized why it's so hard. lying down and doing nothing and not bathing regularly is what happens when i get depressed. even though i'm not depressed, because my body is going through the same physical motions, my brain is starting to get into that pattern. i'm hoping that being aware of it will help keep it under control.
in other news, i went to bed at 10pm and didn't sleep well. i drifted in and out of sleep... mostly out. i don't know why. i'm having a harder and harder time getting comfortable. my brain really didn't want to let go of itself this time. i could feel it fighting. sigh. also, i've been waaaaaaaay emotional, really severe mood swings. pms, for two weeks? sucks, but it's happened before. my body still feeling effects of all the drugs they pumped in me? certainly possible. i have noticed that i have a tendency to retain a lot of stuff.
i dunno.
i'm still all over the place. some days i'm ready to get back to work and take over the world, and other days it's incredibly difficult to stop crying.
wholly unrelated: mannax has been pissing all over again. justin caught him starting on the couch, and he shoo'ed him off and to the litterbox. later that night, he pissed on my (good $100 feather!) pillow i left on the couch because of how much i've been sleeping on it. the next day i caught him sniffing around and getting ready to piss. i yelled at him. sigh. so i have to call the vet and get some prescription canned food for him because that dissolves the crystals immediately. i also have to switch evie to eating the same (way expensive) prescription dry food. bastards.
did i mention we're probably getting a kitten? heather's good friend has a cat that had kittens on earth day... and then she had six more on solstice, shocking them all. ha. there's an orange one. i'm ready for another orange tabby. yay!
i'm not sure if i mentioned it yet in another post, but i busted a stitch or two under my right breast. i was doing too much too fast. so i've cut down on the time i'm spending upright, which is difficult. i FEEL good. sure, i'm itchy and i have the uncomfortables, and every couple hours i get random stabby pains (to be expected as nerves heal), but overall i feel good. laying low is tough.
in fact, i've realized why it's so hard. lying down and doing nothing and not bathing regularly is what happens when i get depressed. even though i'm not depressed, because my body is going through the same physical motions, my brain is starting to get into that pattern. i'm hoping that being aware of it will help keep it under control.
in other news, i went to bed at 10pm and didn't sleep well. i drifted in and out of sleep... mostly out. i don't know why. i'm having a harder and harder time getting comfortable. my brain really didn't want to let go of itself this time. i could feel it fighting. sigh. also, i've been waaaaaaaay emotional, really severe mood swings. pms, for two weeks? sucks, but it's happened before. my body still feeling effects of all the drugs they pumped in me? certainly possible. i have noticed that i have a tendency to retain a lot of stuff.
i dunno.
i'm still all over the place. some days i'm ready to get back to work and take over the world, and other days it's incredibly difficult to stop crying.
wholly unrelated: mannax has been pissing all over again. justin caught him starting on the couch, and he shoo'ed him off and to the litterbox. later that night, he pissed on my (good $100 feather!) pillow i left on the couch because of how much i've been sleeping on it. the next day i caught him sniffing around and getting ready to piss. i yelled at him. sigh. so i have to call the vet and get some prescription canned food for him because that dissolves the crystals immediately. i also have to switch evie to eating the same (way expensive) prescription dry food. bastards.
did i mention we're probably getting a kitten? heather's good friend has a cat that had kittens on earth day... and then she had six more on solstice, shocking them all. ha. there's an orange one. i'm ready for another orange tabby. yay!