I started using Tinder on a whim
...And lived to tell the tale of how the app had fucked my life for the past week.
Just a little background before I get to the main story. I got to know a Japanese male friend since March 2014, and had been chatting with only him since then. It has been nearly two years since we have chatted every day. Well-enthused with his replies, he always know what I was up to; whether I was having dinner, having a snack, chilling with friends, or eating with my family. Things were going very well for us since he initiates conversations to know me better all the time, but there was a catch: He hasn’t told me what he felt about me.
It was pretty tiring to be caught up with second-guessing whether his replies were what they seem or there was more meaning to it. What started out as pure entertainment for me, which was the addition of an everyday chat companion with no feelings involved, brought me deeper into believing what we had was real, despite being miles apart from each other. So much so, that I began to view him as my potential boyfriend. I was even mentally preparing myself to live in Japan if he calls me to go over.
It got to a point that waiting for him to pop that question or do a confession was draining me mentally, and I needed something else to distract me from thinking: does he or does he not?
After sharing my thoughts with my close friends, whom none thought having a long-distance relationship was feasible in any manner; many encouraged me to go out there and open my options to other guys. Without having a large social circle in the past, this seems almost impossible. But now everything is possible, with the help of Tinder.
Being a huge skeptic about using Tinder, I always frowned upon the idea of actually using it as I view it as a way to hook-up for nothing serious. I heard stories of how some guys are really using Tinder in hopes of meeting someone to settle down. Most guys here have started using it as a form of dating app, rather than a platform for hooking up. Some of my friends got attached to fairly decent guys who put lots of effort into their dates by meeting through Tinder, but I was still skeptical and refused to ‘sell’ myself on the app just for the sake of gaining attention.
I eventually toyed with the idea of using Tinder and Paktor, another dating app, as I really needed something to distract myself from getting too deep into my friendship with my male friend in Osaka. First foray into it saw me devising a simple bio with three recent photos and a caption that says: Fangirl at heart. Of course I filter my photos. #noinspiringquotestoboot.
I started with Paktor, and had a hard time getting matches. When I started getting matches and messages started coming in, they were some morons trying to get me to buy insurance policies from them, or people who just MIA after a few days of messaging. I was really bored, and it just pointed me back to my affection for my male friend once again, as no one could compare to him in terms of consistency, so he must have really liked me, I foolishly thought.
To add more distractions (and possibly excitement) into my life, I downloaded Tinder. First two nights saw no matches at all, and I thought how boring this app was. Third night was unbelievable, as I started getting matched with whoever I swiped right! And I started getting messages. Wow, this was something new, I decided to hang on to this app a little while longer and see how things turn out.
Most of the messages which came in sounded suggestive and since we are all cloaked in anonymity and allowed to be a little more liberal and open-minded online, I decided to take on a different persona and teased and flirted like one of the best out there. It worked, since a few guys started sexting me and suggested meeting up for something more “exciting”. Of course I gave neither a ‘yes’ nor ‘no’ to those.
Then came along H, who began his message with ‘Hi sexy (:” It was lunch time and I was alone, so I decided to entertain H. His display picture showed him enjoying a day out at sea, with a very mischievous grin plastered on his face, so I think he could make good entertainment to while my lunch time with. Within three replies, he was starting to get more suggestive and I flirted around like an expert; that issued him a challenge and he asked me out on that very day, stating too that he wasn’t looking for anything serious. His online presence was naughty, but there was something in the way he replied which was more than just a ‘Hey sweetie would you like to look at my big dick? Bet you would want more.’ I told him that he need not work so hard for a hookup, but he said that all he wants to work on is me. Thinking it would be all over in a few days, I just laughed everything off.
It did not just end there. H was messaging me every day as and when he could, trying to send me to my gym after work, offering to send me back home after gym, to all which I politely refused. He did not give up. We were still flirting with naughty messages and he wanted to know me more, which I deliberately avoided answering his questions with coquettish replies. This was someone who wanted to know his potential ONS partner more, and this was some kind of effort. He shared more about himself and soon we were having proper decent chat with no sexual innuendos at all.
H started getting more audacious; but I was holding back because part of my heart was still with my male friend. I decided to tell my male friend about how someone wanted to date me and all he said was it was ok and anything goes. This made me really sad, as I looked back at all the wonderful memories and chats we had, and he was not even affected that someone was asking me out? I decided to tell him how I felt about him in a few sentences. There was a long pause, and he thanked me for liking him. Unfortunately, he only viewed me as a good friend. And he hopes that we could still be good friends from now on. I was devastated. H messaged me at the same time, and he was sending naughty messages again. Having lost control in a matter of minutes by making my first confession ever to a male friend and getting rejected, I needed to gain control back in my life and the need to feel wanted was even stronger. That night, I decided to entertain H and his messages and I had to say my virgin sexting experience went very well.
Next day, H messaged me early in the morning to tell me what a great night he had with me over sexting and he hoped I enjoyed it too. He asked me if there was anything he could improve on in terms of pleasuring me, and I was a little pleasantly surprised that here was a Singaporean man (player, obviously) who was into pleasuring ladies more than pleasuring himself. Slowly, I was getting attracted to this seemingly dangerous man too, but something felt amiss and I asked if he was married. He asked me why I thought so and I pointed out his messaging timings were very early in the morning, very late at night, during work and only once during the weekend. He said I was very sharp, he was impressed and at the same time he admitted that he was married.
He hoped we could continue to do the same, but I said that I would not judge him as a friend as long as he stopped doing what he did to me. That did not stop him and worse, I was enjoying his teasing more and more and he felt like someone with wit, soul and passion. It was getting harder to quit him. Chatted briefly with a few friends and most of them just said that this was exciting, new and know your limits. As long as everything is online, it should be fine. But I still felt a moral dilemma that I was flirting and enjoying a married man’s online presence.
The final straw came when H asked me to migrate to another chat platform. He said he does not want to endanger anything, but he would like to send me his pictures so that we could have a better time. It was getting more dangerous because there is a huge possibility that I may end up in his sheets for real if we kept up with this. I briefly told my friend about it, and she shared her point of view from someone who has been cheated on before, and my takeaway was simple: Do I want to be the person who enables him to cheat on his wife? Sure he had cheated on his wife with many girls perhaps, and it doesn’t even matter whether I’m the 13th or 18th chick he has proposed to go to bed with. But do I really want to be that person? The answer was clearly no, though I was beginning to like H.
I was also chatting with few other guys who seem decent too, and they did not begin sexting me, and I thought, yes, I am able to have proper conversations with guys who just wants to know me better, so why am I entertaining a married man who wants to know what panties I’m wearing to work every day, even to the extent of googling for the same panties so that he could fantasize more? I decided to end it with H that very day. He was unwilling, and he said he felt hurt. He also added that he could seriously fall for me because I had the whole package: wit, looks, and whole load of sexiness, but he does not want to hurt his wife. H was even willing to forego all the sex talk so that we could be normal friends. But I told him straight up that after all these messages, I don’t see how we could chat innocently without wanting to screw each other upside down when we meet. H agreed. The last message I got from H was that he came to ION after work, hoping to spot someone like me. It surprised me of his determination to make this work in a twisted manner, and I asked him if he could allow me to un-match us. He had no choice but to agree.
That night, another guy I chatted with, D, seems really decent, but he confessed to me that he likes me and he hopes we could be more than friends. He is a model, quite good-looking, three years younger than me, with no proper job. He called me to chat more, and I was beginning to enjoy his company. But I am wary of saying yes to someone whom I barely knew for three days. He sent me morning messages and was really sweet. He wanted to move things real quick without meeting up though and wanted to video call me, which I really opposed to. I had to lay some ground rules as we start as friends, and one of it is no sexting, no phone sex, no sending of indecent pictures. It was hard for him to agree to, and after some discussion, either he was too desperate to get to home base or he really liked me based on his feelings, he agreed and toned down on the frequency of his messages and even lesser suggestive messages. He is still messaging every day though.
In this week alone, I had confessed, got rejected, got propositioned and rejected it, and got confessed to and asked to date. For someone who has not gotten attached even once in her lifetime thus far, all these seemed like it was a script out from a poorly written drama for a school production. Too much drama, and I deleted Tinder. I needed some time alone to re-evaluate myself and also to re-evaluate the relationships I was building with guys through Tinder.
I went back to installing Tinder, just in case things with D do not work out, because I am unable to provide the sexual aspects of a relationship which he wants. I decided not to play, because I have been burnt a little through this week of madness. I still meet guys who want to have a good time together without commitment, and at the risk of sounding like a nun, I had to reject these guys properly.
I had also spotted a church friend’s husband on Tinder looking for a good time. They have a three year-old daughter together, and I realized that my decision to end it with H was right. Though H and I had some intellectual chats and we shared the same interests in Christopher Nolan’s movies and music tastes, one should never get involved with a man who belongs to another woman.
I have told some friends that I have been Tindering and most of the reactions I got from them is ‘All the guys on Tinder are bastards who just wants a hole for their dicks’, ‘Oh be patient, the right man will come’, ‘What are your requirements for someone? Do you have a checklist?’, ‘Oh just date and have fun!’
1. I am not desperate for sex or a boyfriend.
2. Going on Tinder does not mean that I am looking for someone to settle down with. I am enjoying time alone by myself, but would love to widen my social circle. But nope, not with guys who just wants to get into my pants.
3. Did I just say that I am not desperate?
I even had a friend who was feeling bad for me for having to go through with so much drama, she wanted to introduce her Tinder date (whom she rejected) to me! LOL. I know she meant well, since the only thing she could not understand was the banker’s obsession with gaming cards. And she really thought he was a sweet guy who puts efforts into dates. But I really thought she should not have. I also have another guy who I used to see in my polytechnic days, pursuing the same friend in Tinder. Obviously, she is the favourite, and not me, isn’t it?
Through this eventful week, I realized that yes, many guys go on to Tinder to look for hookups, maybe because the Singaporean men are not getting enough sex, or they just want to have more exciting sex. Either ways, I have not met someone who wants to meet me up for a lovely date. But this will remain for good entertainment for the time being. And for my budding relationship with D, well let’s see how long he could stand without getting some sexy time before he calls this so-called relationship off. ;)
Just a little background before I get to the main story. I got to know a Japanese male friend since March 2014, and had been chatting with only him since then. It has been nearly two years since we have chatted every day. Well-enthused with his replies, he always know what I was up to; whether I was having dinner, having a snack, chilling with friends, or eating with my family. Things were going very well for us since he initiates conversations to know me better all the time, but there was a catch: He hasn’t told me what he felt about me.
It was pretty tiring to be caught up with second-guessing whether his replies were what they seem or there was more meaning to it. What started out as pure entertainment for me, which was the addition of an everyday chat companion with no feelings involved, brought me deeper into believing what we had was real, despite being miles apart from each other. So much so, that I began to view him as my potential boyfriend. I was even mentally preparing myself to live in Japan if he calls me to go over.
It got to a point that waiting for him to pop that question or do a confession was draining me mentally, and I needed something else to distract me from thinking: does he or does he not?
After sharing my thoughts with my close friends, whom none thought having a long-distance relationship was feasible in any manner; many encouraged me to go out there and open my options to other guys. Without having a large social circle in the past, this seems almost impossible. But now everything is possible, with the help of Tinder.
Being a huge skeptic about using Tinder, I always frowned upon the idea of actually using it as I view it as a way to hook-up for nothing serious. I heard stories of how some guys are really using Tinder in hopes of meeting someone to settle down. Most guys here have started using it as a form of dating app, rather than a platform for hooking up. Some of my friends got attached to fairly decent guys who put lots of effort into their dates by meeting through Tinder, but I was still skeptical and refused to ‘sell’ myself on the app just for the sake of gaining attention.
I eventually toyed with the idea of using Tinder and Paktor, another dating app, as I really needed something to distract myself from getting too deep into my friendship with my male friend in Osaka. First foray into it saw me devising a simple bio with three recent photos and a caption that says: Fangirl at heart. Of course I filter my photos. #noinspiringquotestoboot.
I started with Paktor, and had a hard time getting matches. When I started getting matches and messages started coming in, they were some morons trying to get me to buy insurance policies from them, or people who just MIA after a few days of messaging. I was really bored, and it just pointed me back to my affection for my male friend once again, as no one could compare to him in terms of consistency, so he must have really liked me, I foolishly thought.
To add more distractions (and possibly excitement) into my life, I downloaded Tinder. First two nights saw no matches at all, and I thought how boring this app was. Third night was unbelievable, as I started getting matched with whoever I swiped right! And I started getting messages. Wow, this was something new, I decided to hang on to this app a little while longer and see how things turn out.
Most of the messages which came in sounded suggestive and since we are all cloaked in anonymity and allowed to be a little more liberal and open-minded online, I decided to take on a different persona and teased and flirted like one of the best out there. It worked, since a few guys started sexting me and suggested meeting up for something more “exciting”. Of course I gave neither a ‘yes’ nor ‘no’ to those.
Then came along H, who began his message with ‘Hi sexy (:” It was lunch time and I was alone, so I decided to entertain H. His display picture showed him enjoying a day out at sea, with a very mischievous grin plastered on his face, so I think he could make good entertainment to while my lunch time with. Within three replies, he was starting to get more suggestive and I flirted around like an expert; that issued him a challenge and he asked me out on that very day, stating too that he wasn’t looking for anything serious. His online presence was naughty, but there was something in the way he replied which was more than just a ‘Hey sweetie would you like to look at my big dick? Bet you would want more.’ I told him that he need not work so hard for a hookup, but he said that all he wants to work on is me. Thinking it would be all over in a few days, I just laughed everything off.
It did not just end there. H was messaging me every day as and when he could, trying to send me to my gym after work, offering to send me back home after gym, to all which I politely refused. He did not give up. We were still flirting with naughty messages and he wanted to know me more, which I deliberately avoided answering his questions with coquettish replies. This was someone who wanted to know his potential ONS partner more, and this was some kind of effort. He shared more about himself and soon we were having proper decent chat with no sexual innuendos at all.
H started getting more audacious; but I was holding back because part of my heart was still with my male friend. I decided to tell my male friend about how someone wanted to date me and all he said was it was ok and anything goes. This made me really sad, as I looked back at all the wonderful memories and chats we had, and he was not even affected that someone was asking me out? I decided to tell him how I felt about him in a few sentences. There was a long pause, and he thanked me for liking him. Unfortunately, he only viewed me as a good friend. And he hopes that we could still be good friends from now on. I was devastated. H messaged me at the same time, and he was sending naughty messages again. Having lost control in a matter of minutes by making my first confession ever to a male friend and getting rejected, I needed to gain control back in my life and the need to feel wanted was even stronger. That night, I decided to entertain H and his messages and I had to say my virgin sexting experience went very well.
Next day, H messaged me early in the morning to tell me what a great night he had with me over sexting and he hoped I enjoyed it too. He asked me if there was anything he could improve on in terms of pleasuring me, and I was a little pleasantly surprised that here was a Singaporean man (player, obviously) who was into pleasuring ladies more than pleasuring himself. Slowly, I was getting attracted to this seemingly dangerous man too, but something felt amiss and I asked if he was married. He asked me why I thought so and I pointed out his messaging timings were very early in the morning, very late at night, during work and only once during the weekend. He said I was very sharp, he was impressed and at the same time he admitted that he was married.
He hoped we could continue to do the same, but I said that I would not judge him as a friend as long as he stopped doing what he did to me. That did not stop him and worse, I was enjoying his teasing more and more and he felt like someone with wit, soul and passion. It was getting harder to quit him. Chatted briefly with a few friends and most of them just said that this was exciting, new and know your limits. As long as everything is online, it should be fine. But I still felt a moral dilemma that I was flirting and enjoying a married man’s online presence.
The final straw came when H asked me to migrate to another chat platform. He said he does not want to endanger anything, but he would like to send me his pictures so that we could have a better time. It was getting more dangerous because there is a huge possibility that I may end up in his sheets for real if we kept up with this. I briefly told my friend about it, and she shared her point of view from someone who has been cheated on before, and my takeaway was simple: Do I want to be the person who enables him to cheat on his wife? Sure he had cheated on his wife with many girls perhaps, and it doesn’t even matter whether I’m the 13th or 18th chick he has proposed to go to bed with. But do I really want to be that person? The answer was clearly no, though I was beginning to like H.
I was also chatting with few other guys who seem decent too, and they did not begin sexting me, and I thought, yes, I am able to have proper conversations with guys who just wants to know me better, so why am I entertaining a married man who wants to know what panties I’m wearing to work every day, even to the extent of googling for the same panties so that he could fantasize more? I decided to end it with H that very day. He was unwilling, and he said he felt hurt. He also added that he could seriously fall for me because I had the whole package: wit, looks, and whole load of sexiness, but he does not want to hurt his wife. H was even willing to forego all the sex talk so that we could be normal friends. But I told him straight up that after all these messages, I don’t see how we could chat innocently without wanting to screw each other upside down when we meet. H agreed. The last message I got from H was that he came to ION after work, hoping to spot someone like me. It surprised me of his determination to make this work in a twisted manner, and I asked him if he could allow me to un-match us. He had no choice but to agree.
That night, another guy I chatted with, D, seems really decent, but he confessed to me that he likes me and he hopes we could be more than friends. He is a model, quite good-looking, three years younger than me, with no proper job. He called me to chat more, and I was beginning to enjoy his company. But I am wary of saying yes to someone whom I barely knew for three days. He sent me morning messages and was really sweet. He wanted to move things real quick without meeting up though and wanted to video call me, which I really opposed to. I had to lay some ground rules as we start as friends, and one of it is no sexting, no phone sex, no sending of indecent pictures. It was hard for him to agree to, and after some discussion, either he was too desperate to get to home base or he really liked me based on his feelings, he agreed and toned down on the frequency of his messages and even lesser suggestive messages. He is still messaging every day though.
In this week alone, I had confessed, got rejected, got propositioned and rejected it, and got confessed to and asked to date. For someone who has not gotten attached even once in her lifetime thus far, all these seemed like it was a script out from a poorly written drama for a school production. Too much drama, and I deleted Tinder. I needed some time alone to re-evaluate myself and also to re-evaluate the relationships I was building with guys through Tinder.
I went back to installing Tinder, just in case things with D do not work out, because I am unable to provide the sexual aspects of a relationship which he wants. I decided not to play, because I have been burnt a little through this week of madness. I still meet guys who want to have a good time together without commitment, and at the risk of sounding like a nun, I had to reject these guys properly.
I had also spotted a church friend’s husband on Tinder looking for a good time. They have a three year-old daughter together, and I realized that my decision to end it with H was right. Though H and I had some intellectual chats and we shared the same interests in Christopher Nolan’s movies and music tastes, one should never get involved with a man who belongs to another woman.
I have told some friends that I have been Tindering and most of the reactions I got from them is ‘All the guys on Tinder are bastards who just wants a hole for their dicks’, ‘Oh be patient, the right man will come’, ‘What are your requirements for someone? Do you have a checklist?’, ‘Oh just date and have fun!’
1. I am not desperate for sex or a boyfriend.
2. Going on Tinder does not mean that I am looking for someone to settle down with. I am enjoying time alone by myself, but would love to widen my social circle. But nope, not with guys who just wants to get into my pants.
3. Did I just say that I am not desperate?
I even had a friend who was feeling bad for me for having to go through with so much drama, she wanted to introduce her Tinder date (whom she rejected) to me! LOL. I know she meant well, since the only thing she could not understand was the banker’s obsession with gaming cards. And she really thought he was a sweet guy who puts efforts into dates. But I really thought she should not have. I also have another guy who I used to see in my polytechnic days, pursuing the same friend in Tinder. Obviously, she is the favourite, and not me, isn’t it?
Through this eventful week, I realized that yes, many guys go on to Tinder to look for hookups, maybe because the Singaporean men are not getting enough sex, or they just want to have more exciting sex. Either ways, I have not met someone who wants to meet me up for a lovely date. But this will remain for good entertainment for the time being. And for my budding relationship with D, well let’s see how long he could stand without getting some sexy time before he calls this so-called relationship off. ;)