A strange sort of contentedness...
I have a love that I've forsaken all else for...I have a love that I would die for...I have a love that fills me with joy and then sometimes crushes me with sorrow...I have a love that is intense it defies logic and reason...I shouldn't keep it, as it drives me mad, but I do anyway...I can't give up...I won't. I'm not going to let my anxiety, neuroticism, or experience ruin this...not this time. This time, I'm fighting back and I'm going to win.
I woke up this morning, and his arm was wrapped around my waist in a tight embrace. Just two days ago, I fell asleep, curled into his arms, feeling the sanctity of his arms wrapped around me. He made me feel safe, special, wanted. We've had our ups and downs...it's been a veritable rollarcoaster...I didn't know if I could do this, but I found that we could.
There are so many confusing messes and I wish that I could make sense of them all and be the perfect person that everyone, including and especially him, needs me to be, but I'm not. I'm just me. And he loves me. I don't for a minute take that for granted...but it's something of an elevated plane when you've decided that you're life that you've lived for yourself now suddenly encompasses desire to include the needs, wishes and dreams of another person and to find that you can love someone so much that you'd give them anything that they wanted, your perfect love and perfect trust, is world-shattering. People talk about self-less love and being in love but I wonder how many people actually experience that in their lifetime? To be able to look at someone with such adoration and joy in your heart that you cannot think of much else?
I woke up this morning and didn't want to leave his side. I ache for him when he's not there; I desire him like no other; I'm fascinated and enthralled by him; my brain is entwined to his; I was enchanted the moment I met him and it hasn't stopped. He's got a spell over me and I can't shake it. I'm in love with him. I search for his eyes in hopes that he'd understand that when I look into his, time stands still. My touch cannot convey to him how it feels like electricity in my core and that it stimulates, captivates, and mesmerizes me. I cherish the gift of him to me and I only wish he knew how special he was to me, for it is so ethereal that it is indescribable and intangible.