on disabilities
i was in english class, participating and paying attention and everything, while playing free cell on my laptop computer. it is a fairly simple way of keeping my attention; with discipline, i can easily streamline my notice by making sure that what i need to pay attention to (class presentation) and what i am distracted by (computer game) are predictable, and that the little tailor made distraction is easy to push aside. i was one of four or five people who vocally participated. (i'm nearly always vocal when i participate in *anything*.)
i have add, by the way.
the teacher pulled me aside after the presentation and said that what was i was doing on the computer was "inappropriate and unprofessional." i explained that i have add, that the school doesn't recognize it because i was diagnosed a long time ago and have (proudly) never been medicated, so the records would take time to find. i further explained that this tactic is time tested and works really well. the teacher couldn't pretend that i wasn't paying attention; like i said, i was vocal. nevertheless, although she recognized that this is a common practice (which i didn't know, i came up with the idea independently), she requested that i don't do it anymore and find "something else" to use that wasn't distracting to others. she attested that a number of other students had confronted her and told her it was distracting. i nodded without commitment and we both went back into class.
over the next five or ten minutes, during an in class project that followed the presentation, i ran over the conversation in my mind and (as i do, with my condition) watched others in the room while doing my work. during that time, the teacher didn't talk to any other students, so either no one confronted her, or she was willing to let them think that i was being belligerent instead of studious. either way, my options narrowed. i ran through my mind during this time what kind of "something else" i could do that was less distracting than a computer game. (the laptop has a touch sensor and buttons for clicking, but i tapped the sensor instead of using the buttons, making the activity effectively noiseless.) any other game on the computer (i sometimes use other games, although none are flashy or timed) would be "distracting" if free cell was. i have a gameboy, but that kind of distraction is *not* easily pushed aside, so the distraction would be too compelling. i have cards, but if a computer monitor was "too distracting" then the noise of cards certainly would be. i sometimes use sudoku, but that particular activity is of variable appeal; sometimes i get really involved in it and miss something important. in the end, i couldn't think of any other tool i could use.
because of my add, i probably have impulsivity disorder, but that was never diagnosed. it just seems to be the case. if i do have it, then it would explain why i am almost never embarrassed, and why i often embarrass others. i am, however, very passionate and emotional.
after becoming very frustrated and angry with my limited options and my teacher, i felt tears welling up in my eyes. abandoning all pretense, i walked quietly from the room and locked myself in a stall of the bathroom. the teacher followed in short order, with my eyes bright red and my nasal passages effectively blocked, although she couldn't see me, of course. i really looked "unprofessional" now. she addressed me a couple of times and introduced herself (although i knew it was her) before i curtly answered that i would prefer to be left alone. i had to repeat myself twice more to be understood because i was trying to mask as much as possible the very obvious fact that i had been crying. i didn't trust myself to say anything further; i was so furious that any manner of extremely "unprofessional" comments were swimming in my mind and i knew that i would later regret letting any of them be heard. she quietly left when she finally understood me.
i left the bathroom and came here to a computer (on a different floor) because i need to compose myself before entering the room. i'll add more after class, because it is still going on.
~ after class...
i have decided that i have nothing to say to my teacher. i have lost a great deal of respect for her professionalism and compassion, and i have lost faith in her ability to deal with my situation. i don't need strategies to concentrate in class, i need strategies to concentrate in class *well*. i can get by with minimum participation, and that is what i will do. i won't retain information the same way, and i'll miss things, but i'll get all my assignments in and all my projects done, and after today, that is all i care to get from this class.
i didn't enter class right away after i posted. i got back to class when we usually take a break, so i thought i could enter the classroom without distracting anyone. clearly, someone is *very* easily distracted (or the teacher is a flagrant liar), and i sympathize with that. but we had apparently already taken the break, so i stayed in the doorway until class let out and watched the video we were watching from there.
i will be entering a formal complaint about her to the administration. the situation should not have escalated to this. she should not have accused me so quickly, and she should have worked with me. i did my best to succeed, and this is how i was repaid.
i have add, by the way.
the teacher pulled me aside after the presentation and said that what was i was doing on the computer was "inappropriate and unprofessional." i explained that i have add, that the school doesn't recognize it because i was diagnosed a long time ago and have (proudly) never been medicated, so the records would take time to find. i further explained that this tactic is time tested and works really well. the teacher couldn't pretend that i wasn't paying attention; like i said, i was vocal. nevertheless, although she recognized that this is a common practice (which i didn't know, i came up with the idea independently), she requested that i don't do it anymore and find "something else" to use that wasn't distracting to others. she attested that a number of other students had confronted her and told her it was distracting. i nodded without commitment and we both went back into class.
over the next five or ten minutes, during an in class project that followed the presentation, i ran over the conversation in my mind and (as i do, with my condition) watched others in the room while doing my work. during that time, the teacher didn't talk to any other students, so either no one confronted her, or she was willing to let them think that i was being belligerent instead of studious. either way, my options narrowed. i ran through my mind during this time what kind of "something else" i could do that was less distracting than a computer game. (the laptop has a touch sensor and buttons for clicking, but i tapped the sensor instead of using the buttons, making the activity effectively noiseless.) any other game on the computer (i sometimes use other games, although none are flashy or timed) would be "distracting" if free cell was. i have a gameboy, but that kind of distraction is *not* easily pushed aside, so the distraction would be too compelling. i have cards, but if a computer monitor was "too distracting" then the noise of cards certainly would be. i sometimes use sudoku, but that particular activity is of variable appeal; sometimes i get really involved in it and miss something important. in the end, i couldn't think of any other tool i could use.
because of my add, i probably have impulsivity disorder, but that was never diagnosed. it just seems to be the case. if i do have it, then it would explain why i am almost never embarrassed, and why i often embarrass others. i am, however, very passionate and emotional.
after becoming very frustrated and angry with my limited options and my teacher, i felt tears welling up in my eyes. abandoning all pretense, i walked quietly from the room and locked myself in a stall of the bathroom. the teacher followed in short order, with my eyes bright red and my nasal passages effectively blocked, although she couldn't see me, of course. i really looked "unprofessional" now. she addressed me a couple of times and introduced herself (although i knew it was her) before i curtly answered that i would prefer to be left alone. i had to repeat myself twice more to be understood because i was trying to mask as much as possible the very obvious fact that i had been crying. i didn't trust myself to say anything further; i was so furious that any manner of extremely "unprofessional" comments were swimming in my mind and i knew that i would later regret letting any of them be heard. she quietly left when she finally understood me.
i left the bathroom and came here to a computer (on a different floor) because i need to compose myself before entering the room. i'll add more after class, because it is still going on.
~ after class...
i have decided that i have nothing to say to my teacher. i have lost a great deal of respect for her professionalism and compassion, and i have lost faith in her ability to deal with my situation. i don't need strategies to concentrate in class, i need strategies to concentrate in class *well*. i can get by with minimum participation, and that is what i will do. i won't retain information the same way, and i'll miss things, but i'll get all my assignments in and all my projects done, and after today, that is all i care to get from this class.
i didn't enter class right away after i posted. i got back to class when we usually take a break, so i thought i could enter the classroom without distracting anyone. clearly, someone is *very* easily distracted (or the teacher is a flagrant liar), and i sympathize with that. but we had apparently already taken the break, so i stayed in the doorway until class let out and watched the video we were watching from there.
i will be entering a formal complaint about her to the administration. the situation should not have escalated to this. she should not have accused me so quickly, and she should have worked with me. i did my best to succeed, and this is how i was repaid.