i got bored. don't judge.
So, Chad.
I have to write about Chad.
There has not been much to Chad lately, I guess the skeletal structure of what Chad is.. Starts with every night before Chad goes to sleep he sets his alarm to wake up around 7:45… he does not have class that early you see, he just intends on practicing.. The last time he actually got up to practice that early he ended up sitting at the music school computers all morning completely destroying any actual productivity.. He probably finds it frustrating that he cannot find this motivation.. At times Chad feels so detached from the world.. losing cares about classes, success, God.. endless frustration about life.. Its not that Chad doesn’t care about God its just the fact that if he says that.. 14000 people will through abercrombie and fitch bibles at him.. people who think they know how to live Chad's life better than him.. baylor people make it really hard for Chad to call himself a christian.. this frustration is further aggravated throughout the day by rehearsals with directors who seem to care more about themselves and personal self-gain than any of the music put in front of them. This is the core problem in Chad’s life right now.. Musicians influenced by the void of musicality surround him.. It is not that Chad feels that the musicians here are just.. not at his level..it's just there is never a day where it doesn't seem like the other musicians are just going through the daily routine.. They are all here living in this fantasy that one day their daily efforts will produce astounding results.. Chad finds it very depressing having to look around at a music school and see all the performers who really think they are going to land that big audition.. its not going to happen. It probably will not happen for Chad either.. I know what you are thinking.. I am being judgmental about Chad’s playing and Baylor’s playing and that the only reason Chad will not land that auditions is because of his attitude.. well maybe in some respects you are right.. however, no matter how much a college football player puts his attitude into it.. there is little hope that he will be a professional quarterback in the NFL.. its just pure statistics.. Why does Chad continue then?.. if he realizes the reality of the “dying” arts.. because that is who Chad is and will be.. Chad just no longer wants to be Chad in Waco.. if Chad is going to down this path nowhere.. he would prefer not to do it in the middle of nowhere.. there are really only five people keeping Chad in Waco… and sane.. which is scary.. maybe there is just something in the water here that makes residents go crazy and build compounds to commit mass suicide in.. There were many Indians massacred in Waco..
Chad is also, probably medically depressed.. it has been a good while since chad has been truly happy for more than two hours.. He won’t go to medicine though, he feels as long as its not a chemical embalance its in his hands.. lately chad has probably seemed more aggravated than usual.. it is probably because of the recurring feeling of being lodge in his present life situation.. Plus other than the same friends Chad feels that there is no one here to share anything with.. someone who doesn't go through the classes, frustrations, rehearsals, that Chad does.. someone that Chad can endlessly bitch too.. and they can endlessly bitch back.. I think Chad will be ok though, no matter what happens.. but I wrote this for those who want to hear and understand. Chad knows other people feel this way.. and he’s not the only one.. Chad really doesn’t care though.. life is about choices. Make one.
p.s.- Chad thought you'd love that 90's teen movie phrase ending..