(no subject)
Scratch that last entry..it lasted until this afternoon. I don't get what is wrong with me, but i feel so extremely sick. I can't sleep at night. I can't do anything. I made it an entire day without feeling like this. woo. There was nothing wrong with today. Or wait, there was, but nothing that would cause such a sick, disgusting feeling of loneliness helplessness and flat out rage. I hang out with cool kids, i seem to have fun, but its all accompanied by this feeling of dying inside that inevitably overwhelms me. It is really very strange because it is at times a stinging pain, other times just a dull ache, but its no where in particular. It is just this gross feeling. It distorts all of my behavior and turns me from an unappealing person into an unbearable one. i always feel guilty when i hang out with people. especially in small groups. I feel bad because hanging out with me is not a pleasure, its more of a pain in the ass. However, when i'm absolutely unbearable like tonight i feel absolutely devestated becuase i even hate myself...i don't see how anyone can put up with me, then again everyone's reactions and body language make it pretty obvious i'm not alone. This has been a pretty ridiculous entry, and if you didn't laugh i'm sorry you sat through it. goodnight.